Just-before-the-full-moon-jitters.

Only a few more days remain until the full moon on Sunday.
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I will try to remain calm as the tension ramps up, spiraling faster and wilder, showing me the level of disconnection between what I have placed in my vibrational escrow (my ideal state of being according to my desires) and my current physically manifested reality (it's the fucking "lonelies" again, knocking, clamoring, rattling the chains at my door).

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They are just giving me yet another opportunity to clarify exactly what it is that I want, by so graphically and painfully showing me what I do NOT want. So I thank the lonelies for showing up again.

Waxing Moon

WAXING MOON

Growth.

At the appearance of the crescent,
feel the promise of the future.
Let any fear melt away as the moon grows.
Enjoy the feeling of rebirth.
Feel your energy moving from inside
and moving out in to the world.
Begin to act on the inspirations (seeds)
planted during the New Moon.
Welcome opportunities to learn, grow, expand.

On the New Moon, I planted the seed of budgeting according to my new reduced income level, and the budget is completed. I even have enough to rent a room in the desert, and have selected a room in a beautiful house already. All I need is confirmation of the income and the check in the bank and the room is mine. I will go ahead with the iPhone purchase this week. I have to go shopping for frames for new eyeglasses at one of three local stores in my insurance plan, and then schedule an exam with the doctor at that store once I find them. I have a new friend, David, who is very metaphysical and very much interested in extra-terrestrials - he even wants to meet one and go aboard a ship. So do I. Let's go!!!!!!

The Blue Ray Beings

This speaks directly to me, it is exactly what I have experienced that culminated yesterday, wherein I am now able to see my own self, unconscious processes and all, as an observer from a higher perspective. This monumental ascension shift is so exciting - there are such opportunities now for us to heal and to grow into the family of Love that is our destiny. This passage is so beautiful I can hardly contain myself LOL!


"Cosmic Pulse 2012 Shift Alert" Intense Cellular Regeneration!


The Blue Ray Beings are an ultra-sensitive empathic soul group like the Indigos that came from many different ascended planets and light realms to enlighten the genetic code of humanity and raise the God consciousness on Gaia. They are the lost ray of the Light Worker.

*Find out if you are from the Blue Ray here
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"Shekinah", a Hebrew word in the "Language of Light", is a mentor of the Blue Ray. Shekinah is the lost aspect of the sacred Divine Feminine of Creation that is the embodiment of God, the ascension process. Blue Ray is the soul group consciousness of the highest aspect of all Blue Rays. Together we give you these transmissions.
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*Click here to add me for upcoming Blue Ray Transmissions- newsletter

You have passed through a cosmic gateway in Earth's alignment to the galactic center. You are in the great Purification. Very powerful energies of cellular regeneration and rejuvenation are taking place at a core level of your Being. This alignment is creating heightened sensitivity and awareness. The Cosmic Pulse is awakening you to a greater life force, bringing you into sacred union with all life. This great divine power is within and all around you, awaiting your return to take back your power, your sovereign right as true cosmic being of the universe. You, the ultra sensitive empath, Star Seed and Light Bearer may be feeling these Galactic shifts throughout your whole being. The cosmic energies are constantly shifting, recalibrating, and rearranging, going one way and then quickly and sometimes suddenly the other until settling occurs, in ways you may not have expected and yet always in perfect divine order. The way through grace and ease is to free you of restrictions, lingering thought forms and density, and step fully into the divine flow, no matter how it looks to the outside world. It is time that the greater trust of your true self and divine nature takes the lead. Some of you have already passed through these energies and others will experience them in the future. Everything is being reorganized, recalibrated, rethought, and what will remain is your core, your essence your beauty, your Light, what you came here to be.

Cosmic Pulse Ascension Symptom

Past health issues
Powerful emotional releases
Core issue resurfacing
Difficulty breathing
Times of not eating much to being very hungry
Needing to eat meat and lots of protein and then needing lots of fruits, vegetables and grains
Periods where you need to spend larger amounts of time alone - this period allows you to be in your own energies and vibration
Extra sensitivity to electromagnetic frequencies of TV, computers, electricity, thunderstorms, etc.
Not being able to speak or think. You re being recalibrated at a higher level; this is an adjustment period that will end shortly. As star Light beings you are accustomed to communicating through telepathy and kinetically and need times to be in this way for balancing.
Extreme fatigue from purging and raising your frequency
Retrieving lost aspects of yourself, your humor - Lighter, joyful and playful aspects
Feeling of a dense energy around you - that is lifting
Heart awakening and focus on higher Love.
Anxiety
Times of increased body heat, similar to hot flashes where you are burning through layers of issues and karma
Symbols, images, sacred emblems and geometry that come to you that instantly expand your consciousness connecting you to your ascended selves.
Powerful dreams
Dreams of death and dying
Loved ones that have crossed over and meeting old friends
Old family issues and dynamics that create powerful emotions of healing and releasing
Death is the shamanism and alchemy process of new birth, signaling to you that you are ready to shift to higher expression of whom you are and that you may do more work in traveling through the dimensions and realms. This also signifies that there is greater power in your dream time and in your waking state to dream, create, gain insight and direct your highest good. Esoteric Cosmic Pulse Shift Symptoms
Past lives suddenly in your awareness may lead to discomfort and anxiety in your body.
Strange and unusual thoughts not of your own
Extreme fatigue from Light sessions with your higher guides and star family
By now, many of you know when these higher Light sessions are taking place. You feel so tired you need to rest and lie down for no apparent reason. You may lose track of time and that is when you are being worked on; some of you may even be taken on Light Ships. You may see a haze in the room, see sparks of Light, feel, hear and sense a greater influx of Light.
Disconnection from your birth family. Many will reconnect to their Earth families once some time has passed, at a healthier and higher level that is in greater alignment with the true Self. All Blue Rays will go through this at sometime.
Receiving your spiritual name that brings a greater aspect of your divinity and sacred gifts.
What can you do to help with the shift? Know that all these usual symptoms and energies are not who you truly are, and that they are moving through you. Work with your sacred tools and rhythm and flow of Creator Source.
Connect with dolphin energy - through pictures and meditations, see yourself playing and swimming with them.
Exercise by walking, movement, dance, yoga that is gently flowing rhythm and motion. Many star beings and Blue Rays go through a stagnant period where they do not like to exercise but wish to be still and meditate more. It is vital to health and well being in the body for some gently flowing movement.
Connect with the sky, ocean or large bodes of water for expansion, better breathing and letting go. If you do not have this nearby, listening to an ocean or water CD can have the same effects.
Drink the Sacred Living Waters of Life. Charging your water to the Sacred Living Waters of Life will give you greater hydration for the cells of your body and create instant higher frequency water.
Take your glass of water with both hands saying: Father / Mother God, Holy Spirit, charge, charge, charge through this water, raising its vibratory action to the Sacred Living Waters of Life, the highest frequency for my embodiment now. Center your consciousness in your body, anchored from your heart to the heart of Gaia. Allow the Cosmic Pulse to flow through your body to your heart and out to your hands, pulsing into the water.
Be expressive within yourself and to yourself and for yourself.
Use flower essences and bring flowers to which you are intuitively guided into your home, placed in the area where you spend most of your time.
Wear colors and bring into your home those colors to which you are intuitively drawn. Colors are the frequencies' spectrum of the Light.
Make art! Being creative will help you to stay in the rhythm and flow of Creator Source. Creative is the Creator energy.
Write and journal
Sing, tone and listen to flowing music. Certain music has healing frequencies that have been created at a higher level to assist you in healing, transmuting energies and staying in the flow.
Take a break from your routine - this allows for the energy to come in. There will be times when you will not be able to work as long as usual or do exactly what you did before. Listen to your own body rhythms and intuition and you will get more accomplished in the long run.
Connecting with Earth energies will be vital to your ascension and balance. Touch the Earth everyday and allow your connection to strengthen.
Check in everyday - how does this feel in your body, being in the divine flow of Creator? Even though you may have a schedule and work, let checking in be a highest priority, allowing yourself to recreate your life in new and inventive ways.
Remember, the old rules do not apply anymore. Now more than ever it is time to put yourself in Divine Alignment, allowing the Cosmic Pulse to flow through you unimpeded. It is time to let go of all you have learned which no longer serves your true essence and beauty. God and all of Creation are reaching out to you in Light and Love. We are here in full Force serving and empowering you. Your primary work is to stay connected. We are One! 13

© 2009 Shekina, All Rights Reserved

(13) (444)

www.shekinaspeaks.comwww.bluerayawakening.com

*Attention: If you would like to add this information to your page, website or other, your are welcome to do so as it helps other lightworkers please put in the proper author credit and my website link, thank you!!

Raising Arizona

I thought I would catch up Netflix after having become disinterested while battling my most recent episode of severe depression. Now, this reference is meant only to speak about that experience clinically, since the episode is releasing me finally, after some meds were introduced and after some self-care improvement changes that I made, which were born out of my latest expansion from the study of metaphysics and science and religion and all that stuff. (I love this laptop which lets me read even lying down for those kind of days). I love that I am getting interested in being alive again! But I think this is going to be a much better recovery than I have yet experienced because of my expanded perspective about so many subjects, which brings me to the subject of the relavence of this movie to my life.

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The characters in this movie are pretty damn funny. Don't let the "white trash" subject matter fool you - even the over-the-top performances by every single cast member are meticulously scripted and executed, down to the accents and attitudes. I just could not hardly believe that the movie played exactly like a chapter from my own life as a child, one generation and by cousin, twice removed, from the lives that the characters in this movie were living.

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"And how could that be?" one might ask - the answer is found in none other than my mom, who very vigorously defended us from exposure to the nonsensical lives of some of her cousins, and even her own brother, who could just as well been characters in this film. What a breathtaking ride to see that environment after all these years as an adult, and from my expanded perspective.

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What a great farcical film, demonstrating the many ways that human behavior can go awry. It showed that the crutch you use to make your way in the world is the one that will do you in. It showed so many hilarious scenes of people making stupid mistakes, based on fear and the lack of their own self-worth. A church hymn played during the credits that made me hear the organ playing in my mind as though I were standing there right beside it as a youngster, waiting to go use the candle snuffer and dip my fingers in the wax after the organ finished playing the last hymn. I remember that as such an oddly sensual ritual. And I remember feeling exactly as I did tonight, watching this film, as though I were watching all these crazy people in this crazy church who could not even see the flaws in their own logic, and that I was waiting for someone to appear and tell me that it was all just a big practical joke.

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Well, the point was that the reason that my life was not a character in this film is all because of my mom's influence, her insistence that I finish college even when I could not see that it would hold any value, and her never ending ability to get up and face the world, no matter what the circumstance. I wonder if she understands how much I have always envied her for that one single trait. Wow, if only I had had the same devotion to getting up and living - what on earth could I have done with my life? Ah, but that question has been answered with the best possible outcome ever. Because I had her voice in my head and her stoicism to look up to, when I chose my way to tread the path of seeking Enlightenment, I did it with a vengeance. I was not going to stop until I got there or until I died trying; I was going to have the Answer To Life. The one one I have found is that each of us is a fractal event of the One Creation happening, and we are acting on the Creator's behalf as free-will individuals, so that we can choose freely between whatever presents itself in the polarity of physicality. The End Game is to see just how far we can go and whether we are able to remember our true nature and bring light to the depths of the deepest, darkest thing we encounter here. Integrating the polarity of physicality into the Light of the Creator being. Truly ebdodying the angelic!

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I had this vision a while back of encountering a "wall," or some other obstruction over which I could barely climb - actually I was just able to peer over to the other side of the obstruction just long enough to know that it was like being birthed into a new reality with new physical laws, and even remember a strange sensation in my body during the dream, like a stretching somehow. This was followed by a very long, dark period where I struggled and struggled with some spiritual and existential issues that I just could not wrap my mind around. And now, I feel at Home.

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I am pleased that I had the courage to continue to chase the mystical monster. It's awesome that I prepared myself by documenting the ups and downs that I had been experiencing, because every single time the low was so much lower than the last one that I could not see my way out - but every single time, the new awarenness that presented itself made it all worth it. So, even during the episode of severe depression this year, I held on to the idea that ultimately, I would have a breakthrough again and return to feeling well. And I did. I look forward to the funny ways that my past behavior and thought patterns will appear to me, given that I have now expanded to be a total observer of my life before now. I look forward to the changes that are coming as a result of this expansion. Expansion is certainly not impossible for anybody, not even someone who is one generation, cousins twice removed from being "white trash."

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~giggle~

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LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE.

The Bridge ~ Reminder #112Community

In order for humanity to reach its highest calling,people must come together

The Universe places people in front of us who we are supposed to help. The question then becomes, how can we best do this? We're not really serving others when we allow them to become dependent on us for an indefinite period of time. Nor do we further ourselves. If we allow ourselves to become a crutch for others, we deny them the life experiences that will lead them to their own empowerment, and we deny ourselves the energy and freedom we need to do our life's work to its fullest potential.
Many people come to our community who are needy. From their point of view, life has thrown them a curve, but from where we stand, we see this as an opportunity for both of us to move forward. We know that some will fit in our circle and some will not. Those who don't fit in here will eventually find another path that suits them better. Like many Native American tribes, we always provide them with food and the tools for becoming self-reliant. We will do our best to teach them the Intention Process and how to use their thoughts and words in a way that will serve them. They will be welcomed into our Intention Circles where they can rub elbows with others like themselves who are steadily learning to manifest the things that they desire. And, if they are ready and open to receive, they, too, will begin to manifest things and become self-empowered.
Empowerment is something that we carry with us. We need not be tied to a certain place or a particular group of people in order to become a mighty manifester. Once a person lets go of the blame game and starts to feel the gratitude that accompanies the manifestation of their intentions, he or she can go anywhere and use the Intention Process. They can start an Intenders Circle at the next stop on their journey and pass on what they have learned to others who are ready for it.
A community is not defined by its physical boundaries. In fact, the strength of a community lies in its ability to spread out. Kept confined, a community will soon begin to decay. The enthusiasm for life will soon become stifled without adequate room to expand. Of course, we could have an exclusive community where we set a limit as to how many people we will allow in. But this attitude promotes the very separatism that is the cause of the quandary that humanity faces today.
These are not the times for exclusivity or for people to remain isolated from each other. We all need each other. Our Intenders Community is one where people can come, get empowered, and go on their way. We give them an Intenders Handbook for occasional reminders, the experience of the power of the Intenders Circle, and we trust that the Universe will take good care of them as they take their next step in life.
My Intention for today is: I Intend that I am discovering the benefits that community has to offer.

OK wow, major asecension turn for me personally.

Finally, I break through this wound that has plagued me this entire lifetime, and maybe more.

a message from Jennifer Hoffman Tuesday, 22 September, 2009
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"Our ascension path is both ending and beginning as we move from polarity to balance. We accomplish this work in two different avenues, by seeking reconnection to Source and closure with the energies we have come to complete. We do both by trying to find balance between what we feel emotionally and what we know spiritually, balancing our memories of the past and their application in the present. Above all else, we want to find love and we will get it any way we can, and we get revenge by hurting ourselves to prove that we are worthy of love.
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Our search for balance includes our desire for love, where our outer reality mirrors the love we want. We can attain that when we have love within but that is not how we try to get love from the world. Instead, we try to manipulate others into loving us by showing them how much their behavior has damaged us and so we demand love by putting ourselves into situations that invite them to give us the love we want. But they have already given us all the love they have and there is no more for them to give us. How many opportunities do we give someone to love us? As many as it takes and if they won't then we find others like them and ask them to meet our need for love. This need is reflected in every choice we make because we are looking for balance through validation from others to fill the emptiness we feel within. When we stay within the energy of our pain and hurt we are a magnet for everyone at that vibration. Once we can detach from our pain we lose the "love me or else" attitude and step into a higher vibration, where we can create balance and release our pain and its accompanying need for revenge.

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Is there an area of your life where you are seeking revenge by making yourself powerless and helpless so others can validate you with their love? Do you have an empty love center that you are trying to have others fill? What kind of imbalance is this creating in your life and how are you sabotaging yourself to get others to see how much you need their love? You can have all the love you want in your outer reality by remembering that it must first come from your inner reality. Then others will love you because they are attracted to the love you radiate and will love you in return.
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Balancing the Illusion

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In our life journey the soul seeks balance through reconnection. and the ego seeks balance through proof of love. When they work together, we are in balance, at zero polarity. When they pull in opposite directions, the soul helps create lessons to help us find our inner power, and the ego creates endless illusions of separation and the lack of love. We know that our material world is an illusion created from our thought and beliefs. We can use the ego's creative power and the soul's knowledge to create balance in our illusion so we have it all, love, peace and joy.

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The ego is infinitely creative and it is constantly manifesting the illusion we live in. Wherever we see limitation and lack our soul reminds us that we are out of balance. We have two choices, to reach out to the illusion and try to "fix" it or to look to the source of the imbalance (us) and make necessary adjustments. Too often we become fixated on the illusion, our outer reality, and work harder to balance it. But this adds fuel to the fire, so to speak, and enhances the imbalance. The lesson for us is this -- if we are not balanced from within we cannot have a balanced outer world.

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Adjusting our inner imbalance is actually less complicated but takes much more effort, according to the ego, which prefers to use its creative energy in an endless flow of manifesting new solutions to alter the imbalance. But all it does it create more imbalance. The soul waits patiently for the ego to stop its endless creation so they can work together in a more effective way, from the inner to the outer. With each step on our path we are faced with this fork in the road, are we going to create from the ego or work in partnership with the soul?

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The ego goes into creative overdrive because when we feel the imbalance we think we are doing all the work and the Universe is not helping us. The Universe does not create, it responds. It cannot create balance for us when we are not in balance from within. This is where our ascension into spiritual humanity begins to take on new meaning and where we see that being still allows the soul to be heard over the constant chatter of the ego. Then we can balance the illusion from within, allowing ego and spirit to work together, so the illusion is in such perfect balance that there is no separation between the life we dream of and the life we have. And this is heaven on earth.
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Finding Balance Through Healing

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With each new lifetime we have an opportunity to achieve balance within our spiritual and emotional bodies, by understanding the nature of our soul wounds and using this learning to allow healing to occur. It is when we look for balance, though, that we realize how far off balance we are, how deep our wounds are, how much we resist the healing and even how connected we are to our own woundedness. The connection to our wounds is strong because this is how we have defined ourselves and our path for many lifetimes. But we can find balance through healing and release our wounds and our resistance to healing to create a new, healed path.

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How can we be resistant to healing when this is the purpose of our life journey? Remember that our acknowledgement of the need to heal begins with a shift in our energetic vibration, which starts at the level of spirit and then flows down to the mind/ego level. This shift removes a source of the wound's energy and we begin to disconnect from it. This creates discomfort on the mind/ego level and we step into judgment, seeing the mistakes or criticizing our actions. We see the healing as the problem and not the solution. This is the moment when we can either begin to create balance or take ourselves even farther off balance through our judgment. If we stay in judgment the healing stops and we will re-start it at a later time, starting at a new level of imbalance because we have increased our awareness of the wound and are more confused about how to resolve it. We will repeat this cycle until we learn to be still, to bring Spirit into focus to remove our resistance and progress through the healing, releasing all of the wound's energy and replacing it with forgiveness, acceptance and unconditional love.

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It is when we arrive at core issues that the ego begins to create doubt and confusion. This is where healing can occur and balance can begin but first we must remove our resistance by calming the ego's fear of healing. Balance puts us at zero polarity, a neutral position of detachment, where we can create from our highest source and manifest our dreams. This is what healing brings us and it is our gift of the ascension process. Yes, it is difficult but only for the moment in which we have to choose between ego and spirit, our fear or unconditional love. Once we feel the freedom that is ours when we heal the wound we will not go back to it and balance can then be created."
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Copyright (C) 2004 - 2008 by Jennifer Hoffman. All rights reserved. All material on this page is protected by US and international copyright law and may not be quoted or reproduced without the express written permission of the author. All authorized reproductions, quotes or copies, in whole or in part, must reference the author's name and the Uriel Heals website, http://www.urielheals.com/. (Posted with permission from author).

So long, Dr Pepper

My family sent me this Jack LaLanne Juicer that was in the garage, in a box, unused. I just made my first beverage - grape, apple, strawberry and passion fruit, all from the farmers' market. WOW! I'll get my caffeine from iced tea, and my sugar from fruit and veggies. I am in gratitude, awe, and Love!

Met someone who has the Mayan Birthdate of my Higher Self - Red Earth.

Very interesting - brought my atttention to the Red Earth astrology reading.

http://www.astrodreamadvisor.com/M_red_elec_earth.html

Here's the part that my Higher Self wants me to be.

"White Wind is the galactic wind, the catalyzing current, the Spirit that moves through all things. It is the divine breath that gives life to all creation, the unseen essence of solar energy. White Wind is the breath of inspiration, the fertilizing force of the wind. Its essence is the movement of Spirit as it penetrates into form to enliven, purify and inspire. Receive the gift of White Wind by simply taking a conscious breath. Amidst the seeming complexity, beathe consciously. Allow your life to be more like the wind, free-flowing and open to Spirit. White Wind represents spontaneity and simplicity. As you experience the truth of the present moment, White Wind leaves you free to move on to the next moment without the baggage of desire, regret or expectation. White Wind is the simple knowledge that invisible forces are always moving in your life, guiding and inspiring. White Wind also embodies the concept of presence. Presence is an expression of beingness, a creator of intimacy. It has to do with being wise in your simplicity. From simple beingness, your true identity emerges. Presence is being open, aware, and in the now. Presence is 'being there' for whatever is.

Think back to a time when someone looked deeply into your eyes, acknowledging your beingness with their full presence. Remember how wonderful and intimate that felt. When you want to be intimate with someone, become equally open, aware, and present. When you bring your awareness into the present moment, everything else falls away. When you are fully present, your mind is not preparing responses to what it is hearing while you're listening and feeling. Drop your evaluating and reactive nature. Trust that your heart will have the appropriate response when the time comes. Allow your mind to be quietly responsive, like a pool of water, natural in its unconditional acceptance of the moment.

Presence is simple. It is like being caught in the moment by the beauty of nature. Presence is your natural state of being. When you are present, your heart feels open, charged, full. When you are present, whether alone or with another, you are loose and relaxed. Time may seem to slow down. You can expand your awareness with ease, allowing yourself to truly see and be seen. You let your feelings speak through your eyes, and the 'feeling channel' in you breathes freely, without expectation or judgement.

Another gift offered through White Wind is the integration of polarities within you. Polarity is the loom on which reality is strung, the magnetic dance of universal forces playing in grand cooperation. But polarity is also an important alchemical process used in the transmutation of form and matter. We are not poised in a time when duality is transforming into unity. The polarities held in relationships, our male and female aspects - even the manifestation of karma - are all changing. We are moving into a time when the polar aspectrs of all things are coming together in truth. You are the creative field for the integration of the larger pattern of duality. The potential in all relationships is moving toward trust, openness, and unconditional acceptance.
The Maya had a special relationship to Venus because of its "unified polarity," seen in the ability to transform itself from the morning star to the evening star. As we unite our polarities (which can be seen as our male and female aspects), we mirror the divine feminine and masculine aspects that are presently uniting in order to birth the consciousness of the divine child within us. This unification is a state of wholeness that frees and enhances, permeating our beings on all levels.
Getting in touch with your male and female aspects and how you perceive them is an integral part of the alchemical process that brings them harmony. You can begin the process of integrating polarities through an increased understanding of the awareness in both sides of your body. The right side generally represents the male, the left side, the female. In meditation, observe the qualities of each side. Bring out their issues, fears, strengths, and potentials. Feel them. Move with them. Talk to them. Create and draw images. Make sounds. Write about them. Explore their relationships. Then, taking as much time as you need, allow them to flow together, unified in solar androgyny. Freeing past perceptions, claim harmony, healing, and love, and bring that new sense of unity into the present moment."

I'm done being ashamed.

Non-commercial, unedited sharing of this message is encouraged and appreciated. Please include the entire message with this paragraph. http://Eloheim.info/ Commercial outlets may contact eloheimchannel@yahoo.com for reprinting permission. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

It's been a hard year, a completion year, for most everyone. I, like most everyone, have had many, many opportunities to make mistakes and to examine myself, for the purpose of growth. The most difficult part of this process has come in the form of judgment from self and from others. I'm done with shaming myself. I remain an extremely loving, kind, wonderful soul having a human experience, with infinite potential for goodness and for making a positive contribution to the world. I am willing to allow others to make mistakes and to learn from them without condemnation and without ostracization. I am deserving of same. So I refuse to allow myself to feel less than, or unworthy, or any negative emotion for simply going through this process of experience and growth. I desire to return to my previous state of happiness. And so it is.

GLBT Center Men's Wrap Group Report

EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I have been slimed by a group of 45-65 year-old bitter, bitchy queens who were interested only in whether the waiter at the restaurant was going to be cute, or whether the person at the balloon ride in Irvine was cute, etc. Just exactly the crowd I don't want to be around. BARF.

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I can only take solace in the fact that somewhere out there in the gay community is a place where I belong, waiting for me to show up, like a long lost friend.

New Moon

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Germination.

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Be quiet. Listen. Go inward.
Welcome opportunities to rest,
to meditate, to get to know the inner self.
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Feel the deepest, darkest movements,
the deep silence of your inner self.
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In this center of stillness, let the seeds
for the coming month be planted.

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No wonder I just want to sleep. Ahhhhhhhh. The seeds for the coming month are that I will be planning my new budget contingent upon my new lowered monthly income now that EDD state disability benefits will end, and I will be depending on only Social Security and Long-Term disability. The only big purchases pending are eyeglasses and a iPhone. Everything else is under control. I find it incredible that I was able to traverse the past year and its financial difficulties and arrive here, unscathed, with every bill current, with no new debts (debt is at the same level it is when I went off work), with all the medical bills paid. Of course, that is only because I was content to sit home and not go anywhere or do anything or spend money unnecessarily.

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And the other seed to be planted is with the Orange County Gay and Lesbian Center, for group counseling, gay mens' support groups, and social activities.

Getting back to Basics.

That my purity of heart has been contaminated by life and by society is the reason I am so unhappy on earth. I have always been upset by people's treatment of each other. It has always upset me that there are humans who are denied basic needs of food, clothing, shelter, education, medical care, and love. It has always upset me that I am not accepted as the pure-hearted being that I am not treated accordingly (I am thinking of social and dating situations, where image is everything). Like everyone else, I grew up socialized to believe that I wanted to find an attractive partner, and that his personality and heart were to be considered only after the assessment of his appearance.

But I have learned to not be a participant in that game and to not routinely refuse to date or socialize with other individuals based upon the assertion of my preferences regarding how I would like my partner to appear physically, because I understand all too well what it is like to be ostracized and marginalized based upon physical characteristics. How, then, could I live with myself for perpetuating that painful game by playing it? I could not live with myself if I were found guilty of mistreating anyone based upon any level of physical attraction or non-attraction to them, especially since I am well aware of how it feels to be on the other side of that scenario.

My disdain for people's poor treatment of each other made the contrast between my usual experience and my experience during the past two years much more clear, and therefore the experience much more enjoyable than it might have otherwise been - a time when I was surrounded by laughter and love and community and comaraderie. Truly, it was as though I had landed in Heaven itself. It is my intention to once again be surrounded with like-minded people who treat each other equally without regard to appearance. I have been blessed to have this in the past, and appreciate that I will have it again soon. I appreciate that I will soon be able to express once again my purity of heart to someone, or to several people.

You can only Love someone into alignment - chastizing, criticizing, punishing - none of those work. And I am a Lover, not a Fighter - that is what I do, Love. That is what makes me happy. That is what makes me connected to the pure-hearted inner being that I AM. That is what I want to do and to be. And I want to be surrounded with those who will treat me with the same regard as they treat the most attractive, musclebound, physically beautiful person in their experience. Beauty is only skin-deep, as the parable goes.

My current experience of isolation is nothing more than a bouncing-off place to get me back to the place of wondrous love and interaction that was mine during the past two years. That's where I am most expansive, most alive, most connected to my inner, pure-hearted being. I give thanks for the contrast that I have now experienced since it is the springboard for me to jump into an even better, stronger, more loving, more interactive, more wondrous level of life that is waiting for me and for my loved ones. It is THIS picture of life that I align myself with now, knowing that it is here, present, waiting for me to find and enter into - the only thing keeping it from me, is me.

from the HeartMath Institute

"Hearts for Peace": International Day of Peace Movie

My Native America Zodiac Animal

Deer

Love, Grace, Compassion, Gentlity, Caring, Kindness, Peaceful, Beauty, Femininity, Fertility, Humility, Innocence, Swiftness, Regrowth, Creativity, Intellectual, Spirituality, Abundance, Benevolence, Watchfulness, Subtlety

When we encounter the deer in the wild, our breath catches - we are transfixed by their graceful features and delicate movements. The tender beauty of these beasts has not gone unnoticed by our ancestors.

The deer is linked to the arts, specifically poetry and music in ancient Celtic animal lore due to its graceful form. The Celts also believed that deer were associated with the fairie realm, and would lead troops of fairies - hundreds of them trailing behind them as the stag cut a path through the forest.

Both Celts and Native Americans observed the deer to be savvy when it came to finding the best herbs (ha!). These earth-bound peoples would follow the deer to prime herb patches - many of which proved to be highly beneficial in their medicinal purposes.

How does this translate into our own life experience?

Just as the deer has an uncanny sense of where to find the green freshness earth provides, we can ask the deer within ourselves to seek out our inner treasures. In meditation or day dream, go on a spiritual hike with the deer. See yourself walking in the woods with the deer leading you into amazing depths within your soul. Each step you and the deer take will lead you deeper into your spiritual knowing, and to limitless treasure within.

The deer (particularly the doe, females) has the capacity for infinite generosity. Their heart rhythms pulse in soft waves of kindness. Match that graciousness by offering your trust to her. She will reward you by leading you to the most powerful spiritual medicine you can fathom.

In China, the deer is a symbol of happiness and good fortune. Indeed, its name in Chinese is a homonym for the word abundance.

The deer is associated with:
The Dawn

The Moon

The Easterly directions

Those wishing to invoke the symbolic meaning of the deer may have most success and profound experiences while incorporating these associations. For example, we can honor the deer during a full moon to enhance or draw out some of the deer's qualities (listed above) within ourselves.

Likewise, honoring the deer with our attention pointed in an eastern direction at dawn will elicit responsive energy too. Nothing fancy - (the deer really has no use for pomp and circumsance - her pleasure comes from quiet simplicities) just a solemn nod of your head and a simple "thank you" for deer's presence will do.

http://www.whats-your-sign.com/animal-symbolism-deer.html

http://www.legendsofamerica.com/NA-Totems.html

So beautiful and so right on the mark...

I pray to have the courage to always remember this.

"Slavery by Another Name" by Douglas Blackmon

http://www.slaverybyanothername.com/

Slavery did not end in 1862 like the told us in elementary school.

I will give it a try.

I do not know how it is that this will work to replace a real, live, living, breathing love interest who can physically be present with me, but I am willing to give it a try. (Visualization of bringing the energy of the fire or light of Love into the heart).

Late night YouTube insanity - I gotta stop drinking caffeine.

I opened YouTube and for some reason, there was a link to a clip called "Turtle has awesome orgasm."

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Well, listening to the sound and seeing the view of the turtle's vocal cords was just too much, and this led to much research, wherein I learned all about turtle reproduction.

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Apparently, turtle penises inflate to a HUGE size once inside the female, which must come in handy, because there is basically nothing else that would prevent her from running off leaving the poor devil stranded.
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Aside from being showoffs, apparently, turtles will masturbate with anything that can be even remotely considered a sex toy.
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They particularly have a shoe fetish.

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But even pots and pans will do.

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Don't forget sex with food...

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Patio table legs do just fine...

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I've heard of TALKING to brick walls...but...

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Younger male, older female...

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And what sex story would be complete without the gay element. Who says homosexuality is unnatural?

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I note that all the videos with females showed them to be COMPLETELY uninterested, and even resorting to grazing for food during the act...

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And I note that the poor males are the only creatures on the planet who are as limited as I am concerning motion and logistical challenges when it comes to assuming the position (effin back hardware!). How come I never knew any of this?

Crystal Lotus - The Oncoming Year of 2009

http://www.crystallotus.com/2009TransitionTrasformation/101.htm

The Strength of Compassion - Coming at Conflict with an Open Heart - from the Daily OM 8/10/09

Conflict is an unavoidable part of our lives because our beliefs and modes of being often contrast powerfully with those of our loved ones, acquaintances, and associates. Yet for all the grief disagreements can cause, we can learn much from them. The manner in which we handle ourselves when confronted with anger or argument demonstrates our overall level of patience and the quality of our energetic states. To resolve conflict, no matter how exasperating the disagreement at hand, we should approach our adversary with an open heart laden with compassion. Judgments and blame must be cast aside and replaced with mutual respect. Conflict is frequently motivated by unspoken needs that are masked by confrontational attitudes or aggressive behavior. When we come at conflict with love and acceptance in our hearts, we empower ourselves to discover a means to attaining collective resolution. The key to finding the wisdom concealed in conflict is to ask yourself why you clash with a particular person or situation. Your inner self or the universe may be trying to point you to a specific life lesson, so try to keep your ears and eyes open. Once you have explored the internal and external roots of your disagreement, make a conscious effort to release any anger or resentment you feel. As you do so, the energy between you and your adversary with change perceptibly, even if they are still operating from a more limited energy state. Consider that each of you likely has compelling reasons for thinking and feeling as you do, and accept that you have no power to change your adversary’s mind. This can help you approach your disagreement rationally, with a steady voice and a willingness to compromise. If you listen thoughtfully and with an empathetic ear during conflict, you can transform clashes into opportunities to compromise. Examine your thoughts and feelings carefully. You may discover stubbornness within yourself that is causing resistance or that you are unwittingly feeding yourself negative messages about your adversary. As your part in disagreements becomes gradually more clear, each new conflict becomes another chance to further hone your empathy, compassion, and tolerance.

Metatron's Cube explained

More information, related to the previous article by James Tyberonn. We are in the process of upgrading the crystalline light geometry of Earth...

And if that's not enough for you...

WANING MOON

"Disintigration.

A time for harvesting.
Look at our works, think about what’s been
going on since the New Moon.
Fit all this in.
Keep what you want to keep,
discard what you want to discard.
Assimilate what you have done.
Learn from your mistakes.
Share what you have learned and
let others share what they have learned.
Begin again to turn inward,
connect with Source.
Do some psychic housecleaning.
Sweep the cobwebs away,
so you’ll be ready to start anew."

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Disintigration, indeed. Since the Full Moon, I have been completely and totally isolated, without connection to anyone or anything in the outside world. I have experienced complete disconnection from everything that I thought comprised my life. This has allowed me to steady the rocking boat of emotion as it is tossed on the rough waters. I have cleaned (literally) and swept away the old, and have harvested some new items, in the form of clothing, books. I've been busy, and it feels good.

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I have begun to experience the side effects of my new medication, which makes me eat everything in sight and then more, and which has changed a feeling that I had of emptiness, of hunger that no food would ever satisfy, and it is good.

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I am mentally ready for my next station in life, whatever and wherever that will be. Physically, not so much. Looks like more surgery is coming my way.

AWESOME passage about intimacy - well worth the read.

http://snoedel.punt.nl/?r=1&id=475424

"All we really want is to be really seen by another. We have lived within the veils of unconsciousness for far too long. As our awareness has shifted, our relationships have as well. We need to be seen for who we are and treated with love, respect and kindness."

"Intimacy is not necessarily about sex or romance. It's about sharing space and time with someone else and creating a safe, sacred place where we can express who we are without fear of judgment or criticism. There is nothing like being with someone and not having to maintain constant chatter. More, is often said, in the quiet moments than words can ever express. It's nice to have that level of comfort with another and within ourselves. It is a pure level of peace."

The Platinum Rule.

Simeon confirmed during today's conference call meditation that the Golden Rule has been replaced by the Platinum Rule. I have discussed this before somewhere on this blog or on tribe.net, but the subject is worth revisiting here.

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The Golden Rule reminds us to "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." In other words, treat everyone as you would wish to be treated.

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However;

In the new, higher vibrations, a revision of that rule is necessary, and it becomes:

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"Do unto others as they would have you do unto them."

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In other words, in order to most effectively assist someone else with the least effort and least amount of wasted resources, it is necessary to never assume that you know how someone else would like to be treated, or what they would prefer, or what they might need. It is necessary to determine exactly before acting, even by asking them directly, in order to ensure the best possible outcome. The Golden Rule no longer results in the best possible outcome. It has been upgraded to the Platinum Rule.

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Example: food preparation for a diverse crowd. A restaurant waiter will always ask to what degree a person ordering beef would like the beef cooked, because it cannot be assumed that everyone likes beef rare just because the beef snobs believe that the best way to serve beef is rare. Likewise, one must always ascertain the tastes and preferences of the diners one is serving in order to have the best possible outcome of any prepared meal.

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Diversity is the way of the future, in everything, including viewpoints and preferences about every subject imaginable. One can no longer rely on the Golden Rule to obtain the best outcome of any action, deed, or gift, and one must now rely on the Platinum Rule.

9/9/09 Portal Celebration

Light Bearers of the World had a 9/9/09 Heart Energy Activation meditation this morning in Laguna Beach to celebrate the wave of Love hitting the earth at this time. Allow yourself to react to all situations in life with compassion and unconditional Love. If that does not solve the issue at hand, allow your heart to quietly slip into the next higher octave of resonant frequency, and do not attach to the lower vibration. All is Love. All that is not Love is going to begin to fall away rapidly now. It will seem chaotic to those who are unaware of the rising earth consciousness.

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE. (Literally, we are all the same consciousness, looking back at itself. We are the facets of All That Is which is on the leading edge of creation, and through our preferences expressed, choose the evolutionary path of humanity and of the cosmos. There is no Other. Literally. We are each a mirror for consciousness to see itself in).

And now a video about my greatest challenge, coming from a place of feeling unloved for a lifetime, but now realizing that I love myself, I love being alone, I love being a solosexual or autoerotic, I love solitude, and I love my sanctuary, where I can escape criticism, judgment, and expectation of the mad world outside. I'll never find a love outside myself that is greater than the one I have inside, so it's time to stop looking. I am miraculously in touch with All That Is.

Oneness, the movie

"Compassion is the common thread with which the tapestries of each of your lives are interwoven. For in truth, there is only One of us here."

Dr. Calleman's view of 9/9/09

The same date as the beginning of a new 260-day Tzolkin round of the Mayan Calendar. The rollercoaster is about ready to leave the station.

http://www.calleman.com/content/articles/999_and_the_mayan_calendar.htm

by James Tyberonn, in 2001 - No wonder I felt the all and came west in 2000

It's my purpose. Took me 9 years to figure it out and not a moment too soon. Just came across this article, which was buried in my favorites menu on a website on a submenu, and it was reposted by someone else.

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I left Texas for San Francisco on 9/11/00, one year prior to the 9/11/01 false flag attack (if you have a brain you should be aware that 9/11 was an inside job) and arrived on 9/14/00, nine years ago. Nine is the number of completion.

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LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE.

by James Tyberonn


"The Ascension Grid (aka Light-Grid) is the formed energetic lattice that covers our planet. It reflects and amplifies our ascending levels of consciousness. It is a crystalline 'light' matrix that was anchored in 1992, five years after the harmonic convergence. Although in place and functional, its total activation will involve 12 phases, with full resonant vibratory rate achieved on the 12-12-12 ...December 12, 2012.The 'triple' dates ( 01-01-01 thru 12-12-12) that occur uniquely for the next 12 years each carry numeric light codes that open & activate each of the 12 major faces of the light grid.

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Visualize the grid as as a geodesic sphere, of pentagons and triangles, sparkling as a faceted, brilliant diamond. It is a seed crystal of new form, the double penta-dodecahedron. Its time has arrived, merkaba of Earthstar. The double penta dodecahedron has 144 facets, the number of Christ ascension. ( Each dodecahedron has 12 pentacles with 60 facets, add the 12 pentagons for 72, double this for 144 ! ) The concept of planetary grids is not a new one. Plato theorized the concept as did the ancient Egyptians, Mayans and Hopi Indians. In a sense, grids are the template, the 'program', that allows all life to operate in the graduated light format.
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If you will, the Ascension Grid, is 'Windows 2012' , and it is quite necessary for our ascension. There is not one, but three grid templates surrounding our planet effecting human life. The three are separate, yet intricately related. The grids have separate functions relating individually to: (1) planetary gravitational field, (2) telluric electromagnetics, and (3) light consciousness. Any change or alteration to one, effects the others, in a proportional mathmatical ratio. The ascension grid is anchored into the earth with two axis points. Tremendous energy lines flow outward from the northern axis point and reeneter at the southern. These energetic lines are directly connected to every sacred sites of Gaia. There are thousands.
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The grids reflect and to an extent regulate, parameters of the consciousness of both Gaia and spirit. The Gravity gridand Electromagnetic grid have been adjusted on several occasions since mans establishment on the earth plane 200,000 years ago. The light-consciousness grid has evolved with mans increased awareness.
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Platonic Solids Geometry
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Since our planets birth, the grid work around the earth has consisted of a sacred geometry matrix of one of the five Platonic solids. Plato believed that the earth's basic structure was in the process of evolving from simple geometric shapes into more complex ones. In order of complexity the five patterns theorized by Plato to be the building blocks of crystalline matrix, are the tetrahedron (4 faces), hexahedron (6 faces), octahedron (8 faces), dodecahedron (12 faces) and icosahedron (20 faces). Plato further theorized that the earth was evolving into an icosahedron grid.
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Academics, including Dr Ivan Sanderson, Dr Hagens and Dr Becker, diagramed this shape in the 70's by connecting major electromagnetic fields on the map. The points formed a triangular pattern of pentagons…. an icosahedron. The icosahedron was in fact, the geometry of the planetary light grid for the past millenia, prior to the Harmonic Convergence. The 1987 Harmonic Convergence was a measurement of Earths vibratory level, a test. The Earth revealed a far greater measurement of 'light' than ever before. For the first time since the 'great fall', the planet carried more 'light' than 'dark'. As a result all three grids required 'upgrading'. The magnetic grid was adjusted to lessen the 'veil' separating humans from their duality. The telluric grid was adjusted to enable a greater vibratory rate at sacred sites. The light or ascension grid took on a new, higher geometric model, capable of regulating a far more sophistocated light code than the old iscosahedron.
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As Joseph Jochmans writes in Earth: A Crystal Planet, "Beyond the Platonic series of Solids is another form being geometrically generated out of the old Icosa-Dodeca crystal. If you take an Icosahedron and join together with lines every other point inside the form, you create twelve pentacles or five-pointed stars. If you extend the outer edges of the Icosahedron and join these node points together, you create a second group of twelve pentacles or stars. This becomes the seed crystal that gives birth to a new crystalline form called a double penta- dodecahedron, composed of twelve double-pentacles equally spaced across the surface of the globe." The icosahedron is now being replaced by an ascension 'light'grid. A'seed-crystal' matrix, the double penta-docecahedron, is born. The evolved geometry is divinely fashioned to resonate a higher frequency for the new Earth.
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Mainstream researchers are in fact noting that the node points and grid alignments earlier attributed to the Becker-Hagens grid map, no longer fit. Weather patterns are changing, climates are in major flux and migration routes of birds are altered. Whales and dolphins are beaching themselves far more often over the past 14 years since the harmonic convergence. The earth's geomagnetic field is changing, and changing fast. This all validates a change in the grid system and the work of the Kryon. The new ascension grid is increasing in frequency as the magnetic grid is lessened. The old crystal grid is fading, and a new crystal matrix is forming.
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We are part of the new crystal formation….the ascension grid. One of the most meaningful avenues available to us in the ascension process is coming together as Lightworkers, in ceremony and unity, to awaken all humanity and bond with the Living Earth, by generating and directing positive energy.
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By concerted efforts to support and give light to the ascension grid, we accelerate both it s formation and dissolution of the older matrix. The planetary Ascension grid is a manifestation of the energy evolvement and patterned growth of the Universal Consciousness. Earth is the living GAIA, the grid is her aura. Accordingly the grid contains the sacred geometry energy patterns of the Flower of Life, the crystal matrix of creation.
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WE ARE CO-CREATORS OF THE PLANET EARTH AND GLOBAL ASCENSION GRID
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We accept readily that we are energetic beings surrounded by a potent electromagnetic field. We chose to be part of the ascension process and the ascension of the living Gaia. We channel inward great flows of cosmic divine energy with the capacity to direct this light outward through directed meditative thought for the highest good. By unifying our energies in synchronized ecstatic states we form a powerful light vortex. This energy can cleanse, brighten, energize and activate according to our intent and flow. Our intent is light of the highest order, transferred to the new grid, the new crystal matrix of Gaia.
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Source: http://www.earth-keeper.com/"

http://www.earth-keeper.com/gridactivation.shtml

New meds are an improvement.

I'm up five pounds!

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Michael woke me up at about 9:15 wanting to know if I was mad. I told him of course not - I know that he is under terrible weight from many directions, and was giving him all the space he requires - I do not want to add to his burden in any way. I think he wondered about this because I did not come downstairs last night when Chuckles and Anda were here. But I had told Jesse on a text message that I was working on several projects and would probably not be down. Computer Windows Registry drama - until 5:00 a.m. - and still not finished. Thank goodness for the laptop, which I can tilt on its side and use in bed lying down - or I would never be able to get all this accomplished.

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Michael said he does not know how to approach me. Here's a hint: with a smile. :-)

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Cooked breakfast. Emptied the dishwasher. Watered plants. Folded clothes. Paid the bills. Wrote correspondence. Got a haircut. Went to the grocery for a couple of items. Went to Kohls for socks. Mailed letters in a side-of-the-road mailbox on the way back from Kohls. Talked to mother twice - always a drama. Talked to Howie about computer drama. Texted Jesse several times. Ate and ate and ate. The new psych meds make me ravenous. My new pain meds control the pain just a little bit better, which allows me more "up" time on my feet. I am sure the shots on Thursday helped, so I am not sure where the chips will fall in the end after the shots wear off. I wonder if I will have enough stamina today to spank it outside in the papasan chair LOL!

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I am about to undertake the Windows Registry drama - but am now interrupted by a call from William K. - Craig's ex - checking on me since I was hospitalized - BRB...

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The goals for next week are: getting an eye exam and new glasses, scheduling a colonoscopy pre-op visit, scheduling an early visit with the surgeon for new x-rays since I have a new "pop" sound when I bend, scheduling an appointment with the counselor, finding a new in-network dentist for a cleaning, buying an iPhone, scheduling a 17,500 mile checkup for my car, and dusting and vacuuming the apartment. Whew! That would bring me completely current on my chores and to-do list, with the exception of cleaning the dusty, dirty balcony, which can wait. I want Michael to hand me the water hose from below so I can spray the nasty coating of soot off the blinds - everything outside in the LA area is covered with soot from all the pollution.

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Still have not called Dale back and feel guilty about that. Must do so.

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UPDATE: Computer Registry fixed. YAY!

Dog plays pool.

WHAT IN THE GAY HELL

Full Moon.

"FULL MOON"

"Maturity.

Create! Move! Dance! Sing!
Feel the strength and beauty of your nature.
Enjoy all of your senses:
see & feel & taste & smell & touch & intuit.
Let your emotions flow outward.
Channel them into a poem, an art, a craft,
a song, or a simple deed done for another.
Blossom. Give of yourself."

I got 10 shots in the back Thursday. This has helped my pain somewhat - at least dulled it to the point where I can get out of bed. I have been warned against dwelling on pain and depression by a friend, so this is all I will say on the matter.

I am eating well; bacon and egg sandwiches and orange juice for breakfast, sandwiches for lunch, chicken picata, pasta and capers, spinach salad for dinner, and strawberry ice cream whenever I feel like it.

I have amassed a new wardrobe, but a few shirts are still missing - time for a trip to some different locations of Tilly's and Old Navy to find the colors I am looking for. Also colored socks are needed - Target here I come.

Howie helped me fix the wireless internet - bought a new router.

Burning incense, fostering new friendships, ready to go out into the world and experience life, blossoming in my new clothes and new attitude. How may I be of assistance to you, dear one?