What's the NEW twist on the old subjects?

Plenty to write and talk about from the past week. Not a single bit of it worth my time or effort. Everybody's nuts. I'll be isolating more; no need to continue to venture out of my harmonic home.

"I have steak at home. Why would I go out for hamburger?" - Paul Newman, speaking about JoAnne Woodward.

Earthly delusions...

Those of us who are sensitive to energy and who have been greatly affected by the ongoing ascension process are finally coming to the realization that perhaps we do have to change the environments we live in so that our frequency can continue to increase. For some, this has meant moving to new locations, and for others it has meant changes in jobs, housecleaning, remodeling, breakups and divorce, etc. This process is really heating up now, as we find the urge to "go home" stronger than it has ever been. After having pulled back layer after layer after layer of the onion of dross from our physical and emotional bodies, which had been put into place during our "socialization" on earth, we find now that we are closer to our Divine state than we have ever been. We are remembering the Unity that we arrived here on earth with, and wonder how it is possible that we were duped into believing all of the insanity on this planet, and how it is possible that the masses are still so entirely clueless about what is really going on.
.

The most difficult part is trying to find a place to belong, a place where we can find the others who have come to understand that none of the earth paradigms are real, with whom we can relax and be assured that our energy field will not be disturbed by anyone who is still leaking negative energy as a result of being stuck in the false earth realities. We are finding it more and more difficult to live and to be around anything that is not of the highest vibration. Just this evening, on my birthday, I was with two people who I have met here in Palm Springs. We went to Hunters and saw a drag show (it was bizarre being in that bar when it was completely empty - everyone must have spent the day on the coast at Long Beach Pride), and then we went to Bongo Johnny's for a snack and a drink. They each had a HUGE dirty martini, and I had guacamole and iced tea. Then, we stopped at the liquor store where they bought a 40-ounce beer and guzzled that. We went to the Riviera hotel to buy a drink at the bar and sneak into the hot tub. The more alcohol they consumed, the more delusional they became. For me, it becomes not only a matter of wondering what kind of crazy stunt they will pull next, what obscenity they will shout out, what rudeness they will exhibit to others, but also a matter of cringing in fear of my physical safety. I cannot have even medium-sized people who are inebriated lunging at me or leaning on me, pulling me in different directions. It hurts. We left the Riviera with the idea that they wanted to go dancing, yet another activity that I cannot engage in since my entire torso does not move. Ultimately, I took them home and then came home to my own quiet, comfortable bed. The more alcohol they drink, the more sadness they exhibit, the more anger and negativity they release onto others, whom they blame for their life conditions, instead of being able to see how they have created their misery for themselves.
.

Mind you, alcohol consumption is not the only thing that causes people's vibration to be lowered to the point where the negative energy leaks affect others. And some people can consume alcohol and be perfectly happy and enjoyable to be around. The point is that since we have struggled for so long to be able to finally see what is really going on in the world, and now that we are finally able to create a happy space for ourselves, being around the lower vibrations that cause us distress is just not tolerable any longer. We do not want to be thrown off the delicate balance that we have worked so hard to find. This means that we isolate and hibernate. We dream of being able to go into the world and to interact with others, but we refuse to step into the density of the lower vibrations of fear, anger, hatred, instability, control, jealousy, judgment, or any other emotion or action that does not support love and wholeness.
.

Many of the people who are still unaware and who are stuck in the false earth paradigms demonstrated their mass delusion this weekend with another doomsday prediction of the "rapture" which, of course, did not come to pass. They collectively realize that something is horribly wrong on earth, and desperately want to someone or something to "fix" it, to the point where they actively clamor and hope for the destruction and end of the world. If only they could see outside the blinders they have placed on themselves, if only they could rise up out of the density of all of the false paradigms and see that they can have all that they desire, right here, right now.
.

For those of us who are fortunate enough to be able to isolate ourselves somewhat from all of the mass delusion, who do not have to go out into the world and interact with the dense energy swirling about, the picture is much clearer. But, it is confusing, to say the least. On one hand, we want to be able to interact and to "find" the stable, happy, loving, easy, graceful way of life in the outside world. But we cannot. So, we isolate, and try as hard as we can to allow nothing and no one to throw us off balance, to knock us down off the delicate higher vibrational place that we have just barely been able to reach ourselves. For a while, we may try as hard as we can to share what we have discovered with others, and hope to show them how to reach the higher vibrations themselves. But we cannot. They have to seek and find it on their own. Meanwhile, we simply must protect ourselves and stay put in the higher planes. The only way out of this mess is to stay centered and focused, creating more and more of the higher vibrational energy in our personal spaces, so that it can ripple out into every facet of our lives. This is the only way we will be able to create what we so desire - it begins with us.
.

So, for those of you who understand and have direct knowledge and the perception of Unity Consciousness, please understand that nothing will "change" the outside world to reflect what you already know. You have to create it in your own space, refuse to allow anything of lower vibration to affect your creation. Ultimately, others who either already understand Unity or who are seeking to understand it, will align with you. You can't force it. You just have to be it. On one hand, this is a little disturbing and saddening, but on the other hand, it is very liberating to know that we each have the power to create harmony in our spaces, and that we absolutely can refuse to allow anything that disturbs that harmony to come into that space that we have created for ourselves. Have you sharpened your boundary setting skills? You are going to need them.
.

For me personally, it is to the point where I do not want to tolerate even temporary disturbances in my energy field, like the drama tonight which ended with the drunk party showing up ringing my doorbell at 2:30 in the morning looking for a lost telephone. So clueless, inconsiderate, and selfish - could that not have waited until morning? I think so. However, I no longer become angered to the point where there is any lasting effect on my peace of mind. I know that I am home and safe, and that all I have to do is refocus my attention onto the harmony I have created in my heart and home and the happiness will return. Because it is not "out there" anywhere - it is inside me. As much as I want to observe it on the outside, that will not occur except when others who respect the boundaries I have set find me, and can enter the space I have created for myself without disturbing my harmony. And there you have it - the thing that I most aspire to do and to be - at home and at peace with my own inner harmony, while not disturbing that peace and harmony of anyone else.
.

My intention, therefore, is to be able to create a harmonious, happy, space for myself, where I can get my basic physical needs met, feed myself and give myself proper hygiene and care so that the maximum level of comfort is available to me always. I have struggled with this for a long time, lashing out because I have been forever unable to observe or to find this level of comfort in the outside world. I don't have to lash out anymore. I have to become the harmony, and stay in that space for myself. Others will either join me, or not. And that is not anything that concerns me at this time. While I have been so extremely disappointed that I have been unable to find romantic love as I had pictured it, unable to live the fairy tale romance that I had been taught while growing up and during my entire life by all the songs, movies, etc., I see now that trying to find or observe that in the outside world is part of the false paradigm. I will only see it when I clear my space of everything that is not in harmony with my own high vibration.
.

"Don't let the bastards get you down." - Unknown
.

"Don't stoop to their level." - Unknown
.

"Keep your chin up." - Unknown
.

"Hold your head up high." - Unknown
.

"Speak softly, and carry a big stick; you will go far." - African proverb

Mothers' Day

Or should it be mother FUCKERS day.


I've said it all before.


Talking about it does not make me feel any better, nor move me in any direction toward solving the problem.


So what is it that DOES make me feel better?


Nothing. I have lost interest in every single effin thing.


Inner child keeps throwing tantrum after tantrum, screaming, " play with me!" all while the other boys just ignore me.


I feel like Cindy Sheehan gone to sit at the Bush ranch to solicit answers, or just to express my grief.


The grief of yet another day, another night of lovelorn misery. Where oh where can my twin flame be hiding?


At this point, he may want to be on guard when he meets me, in case I slap the shit out of him. LOL!



Speaking of mothers, I find myself once again in the position of having my mother dependent upon me. This time is not the result of bad health, thankfully, but rather, bad decisions. I remember my friend Retha from Arkansas, who greatly identified with me because she was the family "blacksheep" also. She observed that it was those of us who were ostracized who were more responsible, more dependable, and always seemed to have money available to us. However, because of our inability to set boundaries, and our compassionate nature, we are usually giving it away to the very family members who ostracize us - or in this case with my family, because of them.


At least I am not having to work two jobs this time around. There is *no* way.


This has the very distinct effect of isolation. Just what I need.


It has become evident, that when I do have a buck or two to spend, and can try to re-join society again, (this process was never really completed the first time I set out to rejoin society in 1999, after my mom had returned to work and when I gave up my second job and moved halfway across the country), my tactic has to change. I am finding that there are no other people playing on my playing field in the social setttings where I have been since 1999. Oh, who am I kidding - I wonder if there ever were any. I have not met any available men, from Dallas, to Houston, to Washington DC, to San Francisco, to Los Angeles, to Long Beach, to all over Southern California. In fact, the more concentrated the gay population, the more out of touch with reality the men are. They have completely forgotton what we have struggled through. They have forgotten their humanity, using each other in the most horrifying ways.


I think I need to go on a cruise, or some other kind of vacation, where I can meet people from outside my immediate culture. I would LOVE to go on a cruise with Esther Hicks. There are other achaeological trips to ancient sites now that the scientists are so interested in ancient technology. I would love to go to a David Wilcock seminar, or a Bashar weekend lecture, or the Tesla Tech conference, or the international pot competition in Amsterdam - Cannabis Cup - or any number of other things that would get me in the company of other people on my wavelength.


I am very concerned with the complete lack of available men (who are relationship oriented, brown, smooth and sexy, and who are monogamy-minded). But I cannot continue to feel worthless because I am alone, or to evaluate each day by whether or not I moved any closer to meeting HIM. I might as well go dig my grave already. I am dropping completely out of being GAY. I have no interest in the whole no-strings-attached, free love thing. Identifying others on my wavelength has proven to be impossible. I just have to figure out how to start chasing dreams of my own and allowing that frequency to attract what I am looking for. The thing that most takes me out of my mental prison is travel. Exploration. Learning. I have some work to do before I am financially and physically capable of such a thing. But it must be done.


Why are they all hung up on hair? I LOVE my skin with no hair. OMG. I do not understand men in the least.


Please send a buyer for my mom's house.
Please.


I have to get out of this box.