11/28/08 Late-Night Journal Entry

11/28/08. Dale visiting. Could not get comfortable in the bed no matter what. Smoked hash. Became aware of a new level of anxiety to release. Dale makes me vibrate very fast; there is no room for anything in our relationship except the most authentic, Be Here Now presence. It is remarkable. This, coupled with Michael and Jesse and Linda, means that now I prefer to have nothing less than this in all my relationships.

Michael and Jesse are the reason that I was able to grow enough to hold this high frequency, which then allowed Dale to happen to me. I wonder if they really understand how much they mean to me? I wonder if I will be able to have an equally profound effect on their lives?

So I am in bed, with Dale, and I totally leave my body. Now I am spontaneously able to see myself interdimensionally. Astral travel cannot be far off now. Had strong urge to write. Managed first journal entry in bedside booklet.

I am supposed to be documenting my pain and loss of function. At this point, everything hurts from the waist down. I can no longer trust that I will be able to be on my feet, and had an "I have to lie down right now on the spot" attack at Maryann's Thanksgiving dinner. Yikes! I am stiff, sore, achey in a burning kind of way. I have minimal colon function and require high enemas (and have for quite some time). I can't bear to stand, walk, sit or lie for any period of time now, unless I am totally fucked up (all on legally prescribed meds, mind you). I am beginning to be unable to handle the basic minimum of keeping up my apartment. I am no longer shopping and cooking, as the standing, walking and carrying is just too much. And I am struggling to simply get my physical needs met (hot baths, showers, hot tub, stretching, grooming, etc).

Through all of this struggle, I continue to be amazed at the profound awareness I am gaining, and the amount of Love bubbling up from my heart.

Deeply.

Endlessly.

Love.

What a high vibration, indeed.

Brother came for Thanksgiving.

Hi Josh!

I sent my sweeties some flowers
to say thank you for taking such good care of me. I wanted to see if I could brighten their day like they brighten my day, every day.


Jesse prepared a wonderful Thanksgiving feast for everyone.


The only picture I got of Donna was with her eyes closed and her mouth open. Well, that was predictable.

Michael's mother came armed with a big auto repair bill.

And was promptly lectured about it.



Then I headed off to Maryann and Floyd's house.


There were so many people that it took TWO tables to seat them all. Apparently, the "old" were separated from the "young." Well, at least I was placed at the youngsters' table (whew).

Me, Craig, William.


Duncan, Alex, Linda.

Craig only went because he is in love with Maryann.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

My baby made me pancakes.

YUM.

My mom insists on coming to help me after surgery.

Well, you have to admit. She does sort of have a knack for it. I know she has a few tricks up her sleeve for making do in a horrible situation.

I am looking forward to spending 2 uncensored weeks with her, at my complete worst and most helpless. I am pondering how I might help us both do some emotional growth during this period.

Honestly, I am glad for the chance.

Helpless agony.

"I hope the exit is joyful, and hope never to return." Frida Kahlo

What a ridiculous treat to see Selma Hayek's masterpiece again, "Frida." Alone. It was much like seeing myself in the mirror. I did it intentionally to get myself in the right frame of mind to deal with my upcoming back surgery. I have great instincts. I am so glad I listened to myself this time.

I am so glad that she left us her legacy concerning her struggle with chronic pain, though exceedingly dark. The beautiful depiciton of her romance with Diego Rivera, wherein she healed her self-perception of being "damaged goods" and a "burden" to her family really knocked my socks off. When Trotsky told her that the reason her art was so powerful was because it expressed what everybody felt inside, that they were alone and in pain, I wept. I wept a lot during this movie.

At the end of the scene where the doctor is cutting her out of a body cast, when it is finally removed, and she falls into her own arms trying to become oriented in her body, I wept. However magical it felt when the cast was removed, I know from experience that you never regain your orientation inside a body that has been through what hers had. You adapt.

I wept seeing her drink, and smoke, and enduring injections of drugs to quiet relentless attacks of pain, which never made it go away completely. I know the comfort that she sought.

I wept when I saw Diego's love for her transform him from a ruthless womanizer to a tender caretaker. I need caretaking now, and I have been a caretaker, too.

I wept when I read her immortal words again, "I hope the exit is joyful, and hope never to return." I wept because I no longer feel that way.

I wept because I love my life so much that I would endure anything to keep it.

.

However much it is possible for one heart to love; that bursting heart belongs to ME.

.

Anyone who might search for a way to assist me during the upcoming ride may simply want to sit down, crawl beside me, hug me, touch me, and kiss me, to make me remember how much I love you. That's all I need, really.

.

That's all any of us needs.

.

In Lak'esh

(I am another yourself)

Spinal tap/myelogram was easy...

...till I got home and started puking. I am confined to bed rest for two days, and the neighbors are taking care of me. Surgery better not make me puke. I HATE that shit.

Laser teeth whitening is barbaric.

I have never experienced such pain.

But the results sure are purty.

If you love spiritual trance music like I do...

...listen to Ferry Corsten free, online!

Nov 2008 channel by Steve Rother

http://www.lightworker.com/beacons/2008/2008_11-Fear.php

Sun Turtle Inn

Dale pampered me again in Palm Springs, this time at Tortuga del Sol. While not a 5-star resort like Hacienda, it is nonetheless charming it is own ways.

Swim, bask, eat, sleep. A perfect recipe for happiness. Too bad Mr. Turtle's all-over tan is not looking as good as mine.

This little guy has GROWN - now at 80 pounds- I just wonder if he knows how big his shell is REALLY going to get - OMG.

Next stop, hospital room. And after that, if I can somehow manage to live in Palm Springs at least part-time, I am so THERE.

YOU can contribute to this project.

http://charterforcompassion.com/

The approaching 6th Day of the Galactic Cycle of the Mayan Calendar

Happy 11/11 everyone, and can't you feel that Full Moon just YANKING at us as hard as it can! Truly, we have arrived at the Promised Land!

I wanted to take a few minutes, or as long as it takes me, actually, to reflect on this dawn of the next 360-day cycle of the Mayan Calendar that we are about to enter, the 6th Day, the Flowering, the Renaissance. Many of us who have studied this for some time, who have witnessed the prophecies come to pass right before our very eyes, who have experienced the changes described by every source of information, from the ancient Sanskrit texts, to the current channeled messages from other dimensions/planes/beings,

...many of us find ourselves standing at the 11/11 and 6th Day gateway staring a completely new life in the face, at a transformed self, unbelievably, and we can barely keep our mouths from hanging open. TRULY, the Age of Aquarius is upon us.

Those of us who have relentlessly fought to free ourselves from fear have now graduated into our new roles as Way-Showers, as healers. We are here to offer to assist others to remember that they are Divine. While we can lead the way, the work is strictly up to each individual. But make no mistake - ALL is possible on the earth plane at this time.

The idea that we have been given a crystal-clear indication of this, immediately before the beginning of the 6th Day, is most intriguing, because the 6th Day is when we are going to begin to begin to see the fruits of our efforts materialize, and is when we will begin to see the New Earth being created as we continue to system-bust through the entire 3D paradigms that are so old, so tired, and so broken.

In my own personal life, I am *astounded* to see my journey transform from one of seeking to know the Truth, to being able to lead others to the Truth. The idea that I have been placed in the position to help heal so many others is so deeply, deeply sacred to me, since this has only been possible by my own struggle through the matrix, and by those who helped direct me as I grew.

It is as obvious as the nose on my face that this IS my passion, and I have no doubt that it will become my vocation, only effortlessly, and I will never, ever, percieve this as a "job" that I have to do to make a living. The opposite is true. I LIVE for this path and for this task. It is the primary essence of my being.

A special message to those in my real-time, physical life, to everyone that I love, I urge you to *not hesitate* to seek solace and direction from me, because your answers will come from my higher self, or from the Divine, however you wish to view it, and I am confident that your guides will speak directly to you through me, or, I will be able to direct you to the appropriate place for information. To be of service to others is my mission. No problem is too large, no fear is too great, no suffering need exist, if you are willing to question everything you know, and are willing to face ANYTHING that presents itself for examination. And you have my personal experience with this to help you - I have BEEN THERE. You can overcome ANYTHING and can be at peace.

I PROMISE.

I know that momentous change is also present in many of the lives of those that I love, some of which is very obvious, and some of which is not. I know that all of you are feeling this. We have arrived! This is IT! Mother Earth is raising her vibration, and the higher realms are available to anyone who wants to visit them.

So, remember, the next 360-days are about the natural process of Creation bringing to pass the flowering of the lives we have desired for so long. The process of Creation will work EFFORTLESSLY for you to make any change that you want to see, and you will see the full bloom in the coming year. The next stage in 2010 (6th Night) will be the wilting of the flower, and then this will be followed by the 7th Day (2011), when everything comes to fruition and the fruits of our efforts are realized individually and as a collective. At that point we will continue to see our old societies and their old systems die and be replaced by all of the new systems that Creation is working effortlessly to create. We all have a role to play in this process, and what a Grand process it is, indeed.

If you still don't believe it is an amazing time to be alive, check out all the trouble that little Rupert the Deer (pictured above) had getting to the planet, and check out his *utter* perfection. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH.

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE.

In Lak' ech

(I am another yourself)

Dave

OMG Another great poem from my tribe.net friend...

"Unconditional Love...........

A treasure to be cherished,
A gift from God above;
Is the beauty of a friendship,
Touched by unconditional love.

A love that asks no questions,
Believes in all the best;
Never doubting, ever trusting,
Withstanding any test.

A love that weathers any storm,
And yet that love still stands;
Through the very darkest hour,
It still reaches out a hand.

There in that hand the sweetest gift,
That you can give a friend;
A heart that cares, a love that shares,
That will be there till the end.

A treasure to be cherished,
A gift from God above;
Is what I share with you my friend,
An unconditional love."

IT'S TRUE - I HAVE BEEN FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO EXPERIENCE THIS MYSELF, AND WISH IT FOR ALL OF YOU.

Does Michael Phelps have Personal Shavers? (Just ignore the short car ad).

Well, we have certainly upgraded our Presidential Sex Symbol.

Another awesome poem from a tribe.net friend...

Dedicated to those closest to my heart - they know who they are...

"The Risks of Loving ..........

There is a risk involved in everything.
Every time you share a smile,
Every time you shed a tear,
You are opening yourself up to hurt.

Some people tread slowly through life,
Avoiding the closeness risk brings,
Sidestepping the things they can't understand,
Turning away from those who care too much,
Those who care too long,
Those who hold too tightly.

There is never an easy way to love.
You cannot approach it cautiously.
It will not wait for you to arm yourself.
It does not care if you turn away.
It is everywhere, it is everything.

Love is the greatest of all risks.
It is not reliable, it is not cautious,
It is not sympathetic.
It is unprejudiced and unmerciful.
It strikes the strongest of mind,
And brings them to their knees in one blow.

Even in the best of times, love hurts.
It hurts to need, it hurts to belong,
It hurts to be the other part of someone else,
Without either of your consent,
But, from the moment it overtakes you,
It hurts worse to be alone."

Kaskade and Deadmau5 - "Move for Me"

Another night out, another dance floor...
Another night out, another dance floor...
Another night out, another dance floor...
Another night out, another dance floor...

Here we go - another night out.
Waited all week just to get out.
Where we do we come from?
Do I know your name?
Does it really matter -
In this life we're all the same...

Move for me, I'll move for you
Move for me, I'll move for you
Move for me, I'll move for you
Move for me, I'll move for you

A DJ - a light show

Speakers puttin' out, As we go

This way and that way...
Getting past your name...
Doesn't really matter.

In this life we're all the same...

Move for me, I'll move for you
Move for me, I'll move for you
Move for me, I'll move for you
Move for me, I'll move for you

Another night out, Another dance floor...
Another night out, Another dance floor...

Move for me, I'll move for you
Move for me, I'll move for you
Move for me, I'll move for you
Move for me, I'll move for you

Where the Hell is Matt?.com

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Suzanne Opton's Art Project: Soldier

Haunting, moving, and beautiful.

http://www.soldiersface.com/

Opton's website can be found here -- www.suzanneopton.com

Email interview between Suzanne Opton and Stuart Horodner, 8/22/2008:


Q: How did you conceive the SOLDIER project and gain access to the military personnel returning from Iraq and Afghanistan?

A: I'm interested in portraiture and I was curious to see who these people are who volunteer for the military. Watching them on TV at the beginning of the war, I couldn't really see them. They were always hidden behind so much gear and they were speaking in their role as representatives of the military. My son would be eligible for the draft if there were a draft, and thinking about what it would have been like for him to be in the military, I wanted to see these soldiers as I would see my own son.I called military bases all over the country trying to gain access. I plied them with my credentials as an editorial photographer, but I was turned away. When I called the public affairs office at Fort Drum, the officer asked if it was a political project. I said, "No. It's art. Portraits of soldiers. Just art." They asked when I wanted to come and how many people I wanted to photograph. I was lucky.

Q: What were your goals or expectations for the project?

A: I wanted to make a vulnerable portrait of a soldier. I wanted to stand our idea of soldiering on it's head, because when I think of soldiers I think of how young and vulnerable they all are. I wanted to make portraits that show soldiers as brothers, fathers, sons or lovers.Being a photographer is a license to go where you don't belong. I wanted to know who these soldiers were and I wanted to find out what of their war experience we could see on their faces.

Q: How did you decide on the pose for the soldiers - head down and looking sideways?

A: I had been interested in playing with the idea of a subject laying his or her head down, but it never quite worked out. When I was invited to the army base, I thought this was the perfect situation for this pose.I work slowly with a large format camera. I'm interested in a collaborative sort of portraiture. Even though the photographer has the final power, if you give the subject time, he composes himself for the camera. Richard Avedon once said that people often confess to photographers. It's an unearned and fleeting intimacy, but it can be nurtured. By giving someone a provocative and appropriate pose, and then leaving them alone, their minds may wander and they may bring a revealing aspect to their portrait.

Q: Have the soldiers seen the photos and what do they think of them? Are they aware of the billboard project?

A: I sent one of the black and white standing photographs to each of the 90 soldiers who participated in the project. The first show was in Syracuse NY not far from Fort Drum. We sent out catalogs and invited all 90 soldiers to the opening. I was in touch with some people who said they were excited to come - they'd never been to an art opening. Critic Vicki Goldberg gave the lecture and I thought it would be an evening of art meets the military... But then some soldiers were shipped out shortly before and in the end none of them attended. They were aware of the billboards, but I never heard directly from any soldiers about them. One soldier's mother wrote to me and wanted a print of the image on the billboard. She said that his time in Iraq and Afghanistan was hard on him and his family and "this photograph portrays his trials."

Q: What have you learned about these soldiers through the process?

A: It was very interesting to be on the army base. I had no first hand knowledge about soldiers. We were all struck by the camaraderie, the love between the soldiers we met. One of my assistants was a 21-year old photo student, who said, "My mother would kill me but I'm almost jealous of these guys." They had some powerful things his life lacked - comrades who would risk their lives for each other, a sense of making a difference in the world and a clear mission. Whatever else, we had great respect for that.I didn't understand, however, what the soldiers thought of the photographs. Later I met a Vietnam vet who told me that while in active duty, these portraits are not images that soldiers could comment on. He told me that they would have to wait ten years until they had grieved over the piece of their life they lost, and then maybe the photographs would have meaning to them.

Q: What has been the most surprising or satisfying response to the project?I have been surprised and gratified by the huge response the project has garnered. And when I saw the very large prints I realized that they were like the heads of fallen statues and yet they maintained their intimate quality. I've never liked sentimental imagery, but I think these portraits are both intimate and tough. I have been surprised by people thinking the images are so disturbing and some people thinking the soldiers were actually dead.

And for today's Top Design...

http://www.bonobos.com/

Written to a friend...

Earlier today, I attended a lecture by the esteemed physicist, Nassim Haramein, whose mathematical model of the Universe and its fractal nature consolidates every single thing I have been studying relentlessly for YEARS, including the religious, philosphical, metaphysical, and esoteric subjects. Immediately I thought of your question to me, whether there was hope for a "conservative Catholic," who had found many "disappointments," which I did not know quite how to answer at the time. Consider this: you and I were both produced in the same environment in North Texas. Intrinsically, you are most certainly capable of finding the answers you seek, just as I did.

My journey (in this fractal that is my life, which includes the characteristic of being gay), began during my earliest memories when I recognized the logical error posed by the teachings of the church that I attended during childhood, which were that my experience of being homosexual (one of my earliest memories) did not "jive" with what I was hearing from the church and the society at large. My quest began at that young age to somehow communicate to people that "it is not really that way AT ALL," and I am thankful that there are MANY people on the planet at this time who "get it." Now, I would never ever belittle or be condescending to anyone's religion, but rather challenge people to question, and to do the research for themselves, instead of simply accepting someone's "interpretation" of, and therefore teachings about, reality. I recognize that we must all allow each other to exist in the space and at whatever level that each of us in currently in, much like we were talking about a parent being unable to override a child's free will. This is taught to us on the macrocosmic scale in that our relationship with God is the same - unconditional. That is where the A.D.- era teachings about homosexuality falls apart.

This subject is such a small part of the nature of the duality in which we are immersed, wherein each of our fractal existences (each a part of the Whole of consciouness), have been designed to make us think that we are unique individuals. All of my decades of research has led me to the same conclusion that Nassim has reached - that is, that we are all directly connected to Source, or to God, or to the One, which intrinsically means that we are all connected to each other and to all beings.

This is the basis for my eventual rejection of the Judeo-Christian model in which I was raised. I do *not* however, mean to imply that it has no value. All recorded religions have value, even though most of us would agree that most every religion that we see contain individual teachings that are not in harmony with the greater religious concepts of the religion from where the teachings arise (let's choose the Muslim infidel as an example, the caricature that is a stark contrast to the idea that Islam professes to be a holy belief system). I believe that the reasons that these inconsistencies are present is due to human interpretation that is flawed, rather than finding that the religion in which the inconsistency exists is invalid, or is of no value. They all have value. But none of them individually reconciled my experience as a human, who is just as directly connected to Source as is any other human, with the teachings of my church that this was not the case.

I want you to know how privileged I feel to have a willing audience for me to express this to, and that I value and respect your understandings, opinions, and feelings just as if they were my own. In this way, my intention is to provide a loving mirror in which you can clearly see your own reflection. It is within the context of these unconditionally loving relationships that we begin to find the truth about life, about reality, about ourselves - a truth that is distorted if unconditional love is not present.
Thank you for giving me the attention and the time to read this, and my greatest hope is that it is received as intended, which is as an invitation to explore those things that you told me you found "disappointing." If you are not simply ecstatic and electrified to be alive, I invite you to find your inner spark. Every atom in our bodies is produced by protons and neutrons spinning around each other AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT. The Light is INSIDE us.
With much love,
your humble servant
dave

Nassim Haramein, esteemed physicist

I got to meet this man at a lecture tonight given to about 40 of us for FREE. An absolute highlight of my life. His theory of the Unified Field and the EXACT mathematics that describe a fractal, geometrical world of physics, and that reconcile Relative and Quantum physics, ALSO mirror the teachings of the fractal nature of our consciousness. All this is based on a scalar model of the electromagnetic and gravitational interaction with the everpresent vacuum. Free energy is right around the corner, people, and Ascension will follow that SOON. HOLD ON TO YOUR HATS!!!!!!!

What a miraculous time to be alive!

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE

(P.S. The youtube posts seem to be taken down when you search for them on that website, but if you use the scrolling feature at the bottom of this embedded video, you can view a 4-part interview with Nassim that is a MUST-SEE for any Truth Seeker).

Not a moment too soon.

A New Day for America!

Madelyn Payne Dunham, 1922 - 2008

Earlier I sent an e-mail to Senator Obama as a condolence, letting him know that we share his profound loss at having to lose his grandmother, and that he has to re-live so much pain surrounding the death of his mother, all this, on the eve of what will be one of the most notable days in history - when he is elected President of the United States.

I also wrote that I find this an excellent opportunity to revisit how we experience reality, and to challenge our ideas about life and death. You see, his grandmother held on until she was absolutely convinced that his election was certain before electing to depart. But the illusion that she is gone is false. She will be present with the Senator, and the President, at every moment that he has to make a change in our country, to once again unite our divided nation. She held a very high vibration on this dense plane, and provided him with the environment to be his authentic, uncensored self, which made him who he is today. She hasn't gone anywhere, and you can count on that.

I challenge each of my readers to re-examine their beliefs about life, death, and suggest that perhaps their pictures of reality could use a little adjustment as well.

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE

dave

Boy I love Sirius Satellite Radio - the music is so spiritual on Area 38!!!!!

The Art of Trance - "Breathe" - by Caroline Lavelle

And here she is performing on TED Talks, where the most brilliant minds on the planet are hanging out. (Notice Thomas Dolby is her keyboard player).

My Prayer

I pray that everyone's needs can be met, lovingly and completely, without struggle, without causing others discomfort, jealosy, or pain of any kind.