Blue Moon (Full) on New Year's Eve! How fun is that!

"BLUE MOON - Partial Lunar Eclipse occurs on December 31, 2009 at 02:12:45 PM ESTYes, a bonus Full Moon this New Year's Eve! This is the Ice Moon, or the Full Moon following Yule - which is usually in January! There is much legend and lore about the Blue Moon but this particular one packs a powerful punch so that you can truly make a New Year's resolution and actually keep it!! This Full Moon in Cancer opposes both Venus and the Sun in Capricorn. With Mercury and Mars both retrograde, the ghosts of holidays past will indeed be afoot! We will be remembering great traditions of another time as well as faces and places that speak of honor to our ancestors. The practical Capricorn Sun encourages us as it beams off and on the Moon to prepare and finish up the last bit of business before 2010 rings in!"
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http://aphrodette.com/index.php/Monthly-Horoscopes/

I'm all ears, Dear Ones!

http://www.mooncircles.com/fullmoon_april.html

Gemini Full Moon Reflections:
The Gift of Listeningby April Elliott Kent
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When my friend’s son was small, he talked incessantly. Born with Venus in loquacious Gemini, he jabbered constantly about stories he’d read or what he’d seen on television that morning. His mother is a patient woman, but eventually the sheer quantity of words wore her down. One day, she recalls, driving along with her child chattering away in the passenger seat, she suddenly couldn’t take any more. "Could you please just stop talking for one minute?" she begged her small son. "And immediately," she told me, "his little eyes filled up with tears. I couldn’t have felt more awful!"
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Few feelings are as wounding as not being listened to, especially by those we love. In his book The Road Less Traveled, M. Scott Peck characterizes true, attentive listening as one of the greatest gifts of love we can offer another person – and one of the most difficult. There are times when it’s easier, of course -- in the first flush of passion, when your loved one’s every utterance is like honey, or when your toddler is first learning to talk. But to really listen even when you’re not in the mood, when you’re heard the same story a dozen times, when you’re worried about something else, when there’s nothing in it for you personally – that’s hard work.
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It’s most difficult to listen when people talk about things you don’t want to hear, things that challenge your worldview. Each year at Thanksgiving, with the Sun in Sagittarius – the sign of beliefs – my family’s table is a minefield, as we all tap dance around topics that we know will invite controversy. The first of two Full Moons this month (the second is a lunar eclipse on December 31) falls in Gemini, the sign of enthusiastic chatter as well as attentive listening. It falls a few days too late to lend conversational sparkle to your Thanksgiving celebration, but in plenty of time to deconstruct it. How much loving attention were you able to muster for the bombastic uncle, the long-winded grandmother, the brother-in-law’s latest political tangent? Were you too busy trying to be heard to really listen to anybody else?
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When we give up pretending that we know everything, we free ourselves to learn from what other people have to say. And if we fold up the cell phone and stop talking for two minutes, we might notice that the woman sitting next to us in the doctor’s waiting room looks scared to death and might be grateful for someone to talk to. Listening - that simple gift of attention and love, like holding open a door for someone leaving a store as you’re entering - makes the world feel a little kinder, a little more civilized. .

In public, I find myself watching everyone around me chatting on a cell phone and ignoring everyone else, and I wonder how in the world they ever met the people they’re talking to. Cell phones have become like little force fields we carry to neutralize exposure to strangers. They allow us to tune out the raucous conversation of the young men loitering on the corner, but also to ignore the old woman asking for directions to the bus. We are in worlds of our own, jealously calibrating the flow of conversation that has the power to lubricate the gears of a trying world.
The world and its people can indeed be trying, and perhaps we can be forgiven for taking refuge behind the white noise of iPods and banal cell phone conversations. Too easily, though, inattention become a habit that persists even at home among those we love, and that’s a problem. Love, as Peck notes, is not a feeling, but a verb. It’s something we do, a bit of spiritual theater we enact through actions large and small. And listening, even when we don’t feel like it, is a small but powerful act of love. That’s what my friend recognized that day in the car, when her unwillingness to listen made her son cry. She took the lesson to heart, and made up her mind from that day on to give her bright boy the gift of her listening.
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The Sun’s annual passage through Sagittarius blesses us with insight into our most cherished convictions. When we tap into our Sagittarius power, we may feel the urge to proselytize about our beliefs; caught up in our own thoughts, we are likely to forget that others see the world quite differently. The Full Moon in Gemini reminds us, simply, that listening - bearing witness to another’s reality - is a sacred thing and a loving act. Listening connects us to one another – and it enriches not only those who are listened to, but also those who listen to them.

© April Elliott KentAll rights reserved

Astrology rocks. LOL!

All my horoscopes say that I have big energy shifts as a result of my planetary alignments starting now and lasting a couple of weeks. I can certainly feel it! I feel so in LOVE and CONNECTED and in HARMONY now. I wish I could bottle this feeling and give it away! OMG.

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I INTEND, THAT I ALLOW MYSELF TO BE THE FULLEST EXPRESSION OF LOVE THAT I AM, IN EACH MOMENT!

OK I need a countdown plan.

Monday - Packing the rest of the kitchen, cleaning the kitchen. Wash outside blankets, complete all laundry needs.

Tuesday - Clean and disinfect refrigerator so that it can be turned off Tuesday and aired out. Purchase ice for ice chest to keep food and drink cold. Packing all miscellaneous items that have not yet found their way into a box. Need a large box for all living room furniture pillows.

Wednesday - Final financial details, bill payment, correspondence, filing. Pack all computer equipment except laptop. Haircut.

Thursday - Noon luncheon with former coworkers at the US Dept of Labor. Car wash. Pack and clean the bathroom. Colon cleanse, and then remove plumbing attachments that will go with me in the move. Re-install original shower head.

Friday - Absoulute wrap-up of all packing and cleaning.

Saturday - Move day. Ask Jesse or Michael to turn in computer modem to Time Warner over near Jesse's office. Leave parking pass, house key, mailbox key, pedestrian key, and two gate clickers with the boys downstairs. Ask that they monitor the mailbox for a few days to make sure the USPS gets it straight. Craig and David will accompany me to the new place to help setup and unpack the essentials of living. Michael and Jesse have plans to come at a later December date for a getaway and visit, God willing, and hopefully to help with any move-in project not yet completed by the time they arrive.

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SETTLE INTO NEW LIFE WITH NO REGRETS, NO LOOKING BACK. I INTEND TO BE THE LOVE THAT I AM IN EACH MOMENT, AND THIS PROCESS WILL NATURALLY DEMAND THE SAME OF OTHERS WITH WHOM I INTERACT. I HEREBY AND HENCEFORTH REFUSE ANY INTERACTION THAT IS NOT FULLY AND COMPLETELY BASED UPON LOVING INTENTION, ACCEPTANCE, FORGIVENESS, COMPASSION, AND INCLUSION. This includes intending the highest good for everyone, and committing to service to others (while taking responsibility for all of your own needs, which then enables you to be of service to others). This includes integrity of word and deed, and fully honoring relationships and contracts into which we have entered. And if you have nothing good or uplifting to say, don't say anything at all.

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Love is all there is. And I intend to have my immediate surroundings reflect this Truth.

Anxiety the result of resistance?

"We're in a free-fall into the future. We don't know where we're going. Things are changing so fast. And as always when you're going through a long tunnel, anxiety comes along. And all you have to do to transform your hell into a paradise is to turn your fall into a voluntary act. It's a very interesting shift of perspective...joyfully participate in the sorrows of the world and everything changes."

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---Joseph Campbell, "Sukhavati--The Place of Bliss"

My Tarot reading by Huntington Beach David

Something happened 5 years ago, I became very ill, but I made it through (he did not know I had my gall bladder removed after showing up doubled over at the E.R.), the past 4 years were very difficult with money and transforming a lot of darkness, but all that is over now. A young appearing female knifed me in the back but I survived and/or learned whatever was intended. I am reminded to not cross her again. Spring 2010 will be when I begin to harvest the fruits of the upcoming energy work that will ensue in the New Year (interesting because I plan to grow vegetables and consume them, and they will be ready in the spring). I will have a chance to decide what I really want and to make changes accordingly.
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As the past four years of difficulty comes to a close, a new ten-year cycle of happiness emerges. I will meet an older man, good with money and with different income streams, with varied interests, calm, centered, nice-looking face, fair or white skinned, rosy-cheeked, likes to travel, likes to go swimming with the dolphins, who will be a lover and long-term relationship. In fact, a conversation about swimming with the dolphins will be how I meet him. (I love that - it is so interesting!). I will meet a younger man who is a financial planner or good with money who will help me in this area. Not sure if he is to be a lover, but he is definitely interested in me. He is a free-spirit.

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David said that during the past 4 years I have blocked love from coming to me. Purposefully. But that I will now change and allow that to flow. He sees me these two men entering my life this next year. He sees that I will find many friends in the desert. Sees me happy in my new space which will be even larger than I anticipate. Sees me working with my energy and becoming more able to alter my surroundings and environment with energy, and then really beginning to see that ability in the spring.

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It was a good reading. I already could envision 2010 as a happy time, but am very pleased to hear that it is ushering in a decade of happiness. I like the sound of that a lot. He was right in that the past 4-5 years have transformed every facet of my being, and I have witnessed and assisted with the transformation of much darkness around me as well.

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The violent premature death of Linda's middle child.

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The complete breakup with my sister.

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My complete dissillusionment with society, which ultimately became my awakening, so the outcome is good but it is still a process of transformation, which are usually difficult.

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My transition into being differently-abled and with physical challenges that are escalating.

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The whole economic downturn, real estate market, unemployment rates, and all that anxiety that the culture has carried, although not affecting me directly, really, nonetheless you feel that around you, or at least I do.

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The traumatic and unexpected death of my friend's father.

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The anticipated death of his husband's grandmother, who suffered with dimentia.

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The premature death of a friend's daugher from breast cancer.

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The death of a friend's mother from leukemia, suspected the result of living near the Three-Mile Island nuclear accident.

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The friend who lost his father is watching his sister battle breast cancer, and his mother battle heart disease.

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A gorgeous person whose HIV went out of control because of the lifestyle he was living, not taking care of himself, and whose health declined severely.

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The breakup of many relationships.

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Lots of loss. Broken dreams. Hardship. Disappointment. Even more lost lives than I have listed here.

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So yeah, I am thrilled to see that a new era of happiness is blossoming now. It is high time we all had some quality of life that surpasses what we have seen so far. I am especially ready for two people to be interested in me and to experience what I have imagined all these years - having arms wrapped around me at every step of the way through life. To feel warm skin envelope me like a blanket, day in, day out, anytime I wish. To feel the placement of hands on my wounds, redirecting the energy and settling the nerves. To hold hands. To kiss and make out like school kids. To heal my body and spirit with this communion of flesh and soul.

Properties of a Twin Flame relationship

Now, there are particular characteristics of the Twin Soul bond by which you may know that you have met up. These characteristics will also be present when you are together.
-joy and laughter
-inspiration
-creativity
-abundance – financial and otherwise
-telepathic communication and empathy
-very high energy
-love and support
-equality
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Gimme somma DAT
http://igctweekly.blogspot.com/2009/11/23-november-2009.html

I made sweet potatoes topped with marshmallows!

This is apparently offensive to Jesse who proclaimed his disdain for this traditional dish on Thursday evening.

"Marshmallow is a confection made from the root of the marsh mallow plant. When we think of traditional holiday meals, sweet potatoes with marshmallows always come to mind.
History: The plant name is really old, first found in an Old English medical book written around 1000 A.D., when it was spelled merscmealwe. As a candy, marshmallows date back at least to the late nineteenth century. Originally the marsh mallow plant was mixed with eggs and sugar and then beaten to foam. Today they are generally made of gelatin, water, sugar, egg whites, corn syrup, vanilla extract, and artificial sweeteners. In the 1920s, marshmallows were introduced as a topper for sweet potatoes. While sweet potatoes and marshmallows were not originally created for the holiday meal, it has become a tradition."

http://whatscookingamerica.net/Glossary/M.htm

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"Why are sweet potatoes pies sometimes served with marshmallows? During the late 19th/early 20th century marshmallows were very trendy. Mass-manufactured, plentiful and inexpensive, they were incorporated into cakes, pies, gelatin desserts, hot chocolate, candies, and the like. Marshmallows were promoted as a moden whipped cream substitute. The earliest recipes we find combining sweet potato dishes with marshmallows [in American cookbooks] were printed in the early 1930s. According to these books, marshmallows were placed on top of the finished pie for decoration. In reality? Printed recipes lag several years behind actual practice. It is a pretty safe assumption that marshmallows (or their culinary precursor, sweet cream) were added to holiday sweet potato dishes much earlier."

http://www.foodtimeline.org/foodpies.html

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But the real reason is that marshmallows were a cheap ingredient adopted by poor people.

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"Soul Food.Although this term applies to traditional foods eaten by African -Americans, especially in the South, it is of rather recent vintage, first in print in 1960, when it became associated with the growth of ethnic pride in African-American culture, of which food was a significant part. The term dates in print to 1964 and comes from the faternal spirit among African-Americans that their culture, heritage, and cooking gives them an essential "soulfulness" that helps define the African-American experience. Soul food dishes include chitterlings, blackeyed peas, collard greens, hominy, grits, ham hocks, and more. As Bog Jeffries, in his Soul Food Cookbook [1969] notes "While all soul food is southern food, not all southern food is soul."---Encyclopedia of American Food and Drink, John F. Mariani [Lebhar-Friedman:New York] 1999 (p. 304)[NOTE: the 1964 reference is this: The Last Word from Soul City, New York Times Magazine, August 23, 1964 p. 62. This brief article defines terms popular with African-Americans in Harlem at that time. The definition provided of "Soul food" is chitterlings, collard greens, ham hocks, grits, black-eyed peas and rice, and the like."]
"Soul Food, early 1960s, being the "down home" food associated with poor southern Blacks, Black ethnic dishes often stem from slavery days when slaves were given the cheapest southern staples and the food parts discarded by the plantation owners, to which they added greens they had grown themselves or picked wild--and a touch of African cooking. it includes beet greens, collard greens, dandelion greens, poke greens, and turnip greens; black-eyed peas (1738, they were brought by slave traders from Africa to Jamaica in 1674 and from there to the American colonies), hog maw, hog jowel, trotters, and ham hocks; sweet potato pie, and such ubiquitous southern favorites as corn bread, fried chicken, and watermelon. The new Black awareness and pride made soul food something of a fad by the late 1960s and both Blacks and Whites were talking about the new soul food restaurants."---I Hear America Talking, Stuart Berg Flexner [Simon & Schuster:New York] 1982 (p. 51-2) "

http://www.foodtimeline.org/foodfaq7.html#soulfood

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I guess the point is that we all have points of view which create our realities, they are all valid, and they all deserve respect and consideration just as we think our own perspectives deserve respect and consideration.

Cooking with coconut oil

The newest scientific understanding of the benefits of cooking with coconut oil are based not on its status as a saturated fat, but rather on the newly discovered understanding of its chemical structure which supports and increases thyroid function, increasing metabolism, leading to weight reduction and cholesterol reduction.

http://www.organicfacts.net/organic-oils/organic-coconut-oil/health-benefits-of-coconut-oil.html

I post this for Jesse, who lashed out at me like I was bat-shit crazy a few months back when I tried to bring up the subject, and was met with his brick wall of assumption rather than getting him to consider the actual facts. He frustrates me in this way continually.

Entering the Span 2010-2015

Bashar seen here on 11/19/87 talking about the 11/24/87 Superstition Hills 6.6 earthquakes a few days before they occurred.

The coconuts are going to fall, why make yourself miserable

Holiday Humor

Rising vibration

As I continue to notive my vibration rise, I see much more clearly how much we affect our experience in the way of projection. Mind you, I would never ever claim to have mastered this for myself at this point. But I am seeing more and more examples.
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I also find that I enjoy and welcome magnificence and beauty from any source, without attachment to the origin of Divine inspiration. I mean, what is the difference between this magnificent child prodigy painter, http://www.akiane.com/home.html, and this gentleman who for 25 years has channeled messages that have assisted the counsciousness revolution that we are witnessing today? Both are entertaining, both capture our imagination immediately, both are clearly receiving information from somewhere else, both challenge us to percieve life and reality in new ways, both are magnificent and beautiful expressions of the Divine with much to share with us. I appreciate both their contributions, in much the same way I can appreciate music from a variety of genres as equally valid and important contributions to music overall.
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I am more clearly seeing that if I am able to allow the goodness of each moment to find me, I must not nit pick each facet of each thing that I perceive, which just becomes a neverending way to lash out at that which you cannot change. I would much rather concentrate on what I can change.
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Just had an energy surge that was orgasmic in nature and origin but not at all confined to the realm of the physical, during which my every atom was bathed in light and higher vibration, illuminating any darkness or lower vibration I was carrying, from all the dark places I have been emotionally and in this and alternate realities, cleaning house so to speak. I feel that my upcoming move will allow me to more fully align with my higher self and a higher vibration, characterized by the full acceptance of self and others, which will be necessary so that I can navigate my way through all the different and lower vibrating men in the desert. I want to surround myself with Love and Harmony, whether that comes from being alone or from a group of one or more others. To grow plants and consume their fruits. To continue the study of all the remarkable black ops things that the secret government has been up to all these years, and what the Russian scientists are discovering, both of which of course have a total media blackout where we live. There is a lot more going on that we think there is, especially from our physical perception. Oh, and about that energy surge, when it left me, it swept through the house and knocked off the stack of packing paper that was on top of the washer, which had been placed there an hour before when Michael was up here helping out. Strong enery! Bless him! And Bless his family and all those he loves!
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It's like I wanted to tell the dude who was bitching about smelling smoke (because I am a smoker) at the CMG Puppy Pile - I smell plenty of things today that may or may not be caused by smoking or by any other behavior, that are not particularly pleasing, but I am not making a scene out of the issue. I mean Damn. Take your prejudice elsewhere.

Why is it always the same

Thanksgiving is just a lie. It's the day my heart is always most broken. Next year - cruise ship or island far away...oh, wait, I say that every year.

Time to Medicate!

DUDE!
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I got a Toradol shot in the ass today, a Medrol Dosepak (one-week steroid treatment for inflammation), and a 50% increase in my oxycontin dose. The doc was watching me walk as I came up upon and into the office, and was not happy to see me struggling so.
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I LOVE HIM.

I'm not the only one feeling the energy!

http://consciousco-creationalcoaching.blogspot.com/2009/11/1212-parting-of-worlds.html

So cool to read these things that validate my own experience. Awesome stuff!

FOOOOOCK

OMG so I went to a Light-Bearers meeting about a general introduction to A Course in Miracles, which I purchased last fall but have not started reading yet. I think I have about 7 books juggling right now, down from 10, because I finished Gregg Braden's Fractal Time, the Sente Center's Wild Attraction, the Energetic Facts of Life, and Mada Dalian's In Search of the Miraculous: Healing into Consciousness. Anyway, it was a reminder that there are 365 lessons in the workbook, and that January would be a GREAT time to begin the 365 lessons, for so many reasons not the least of which would be to align with the calendar of 2010, the year that we will begin to create the New Earth from the ashes of that which is falling now. Duly noted.

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I am reading Jesse's blog, and agreeing with his frustration about psychoactive drugs and their efficacy. So, I realized that my depression is not improving, and this after both meds and counseling have failed, and I am assessing why - and I get to the kitchen and it is though I see myself in the mirror and a voice says, "HELLOOOO YOU ARE IN SO MUCH PAIN THAT YOU ARE ABOUT READY TO SLIT YOUR WRISTS CALL DR. SINGH NOW."

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Well. That about sums it up

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Went and looked in the mirror, in amazement about the fact that this is getting worse, not better, and what the ramifications of that are. It is a very scary road to go down. OK. Back to the Now.

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I then became aware of a gigantic energy pulse, bigger than anything I have ever felt energetically before, just a moment ago at about 10:20 p.m. tonight. It felt as though I had been knocked off the collective consciousness by a huge voltage, and were now seeing the whole thing and my participation in it as an integrator/transformer of energy from the point of view of an observer. But I was strongly aware of my separation from the collective unconscious. I could then discern its contents. I saw that we have reached critical mass, the wave of energy was the fact that humanity has now hit the magic number of those awakening, and that the destiny of the planet is the same. I perceived the amazing velocity by which this is going to occur. I could feel and identify the collective's anger at the establishment. The shit is about to hit the fan in an escalated way that we have not seen before. The UFO community is convinced that the President is going to publicly expose our government's involvement with ET species of beings. Whether or not that happens, you get the idea of the very heightened tension in the air across the spectrum. The Continental Congress just disbursed, and is going to petition redress by the Congress of the United States, demand the abolition of the unconstitutional Federal Reserve and income tax, and if the redress goes without answer, Civil War will ensue. So, the change is coming, right now, whether it be an easy one or a war-torn one is up to us. Will we have the forsight to keep us from moving ahead without violence, without bloodshed?

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And then, as I was able to assess my own personal emotional state while detached from the collective unconscious, I also entertained the idea that it was not a surge of energy that shocked me off the grid, but rather, my own increasing frequency that simply moved me away from that which does not resonate with me, namely, the whole fear spectrum of the collective unconscious. I don't know; both are valid arguments, and perhaps both are necessary for the event to occur.

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It is just an incredible time to be alive, I know that is a fact. Trust me when I say that I will be the first to tell you that lightwork and advanced spiritual work is not for the faint of heart. This is some ball-busting, heart-wrenching, rolling-around-in-the-dirt, naked, with anyone and everyone with whom you so desire nasty kind of work. Yeah. You have to look at it ALL. And the valleys are LOW, and the more able you are to stay connected to the idea that even in the darkest of places emotionally, you are never ever alone, the darkness of the valleys increases, as your soul contract involves anchoring light into the darkest recess that you can reach. It is not easy to do. And yet, I am here to tell you that is the most rewarding of any enterprise I have thus undertaken on this planet. I am continuously amazed at how much more I am aware of energy and its movement as this process continues.

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And, I can tell you this, my brothers and sisters, we will soon find ourselves in a completely different paradigm. Soverign and whole. Where no mask shall be needed to hide the totality of our being from each other. Can you imagine! The Joyous State that will be!

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I have no choice but to go to Palm Springs and interact on a physical level in whatever capacity I so desire, with whom I so desire, as long as the level of involvement stays within my comfort zones. I am confident that I can maintain sanity in that endeavor. STD's be damned. I think I have sense enough to avoid HIV. And there are plenty of others who feel the same way so I think it will be fine. I am finally free to explore like the kids were doing in high school, and college, and beyond. So it is time to become an explorer! Have a little 31 Flavors. LOL!

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Just another amazing cycle on the wild ride that is life on this rapidly evolving planet! Hang in there Jesse! Hang in there Michael! Hang in there EVERYBODY!

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I INTEND, THAT I ALLOW MYSELF TO BE THE FULLEST EXPRESSION OF LOVE THAT I AM, IN EACH MOMENT!

FOCK

Can I take oxycontin and amytriptyline at the same time? I'd better let someone know before I do. YIKES

David.

The beloved one.
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So if that is the frequency of my name and its meaning, how do I capture that feeling full-time? I know that I sure feel it when I am with people I love.

I'll give the old Violet Flame of Transmutation a college try.

And I feel better. (We won't worry about that oxycontin at 6:00)

http://www.awakeningfromwithin.com/messages/

Inescapable

My pain is now completely out of control, feels like ice picks are stuck into every muscle and joint from the mid back down, all I want to do is sleep. If this is what narcotics tolerance looks like then I need more meds. Time for a pain doc consult.

Plea to the Heteros

Being a Kinsey 6 homo, I can't even imagine where the desire comes from to have children. Having said that, I am trying to clarify how this issue affects heteros. I mean, from what I can tell their prime directive in life is to have children. Doesn't anybody get it that we have a population problem already?

Or is it just an ending?

Part of me feels like I am moving to the desert in order to get comfortable and finally die. I have hated this planet, this life, and this incarnation since I got here, and have been unable to change the fact that I am single and without sexual comfort. Well. At least I'll have a tan.

UPDATE: It is for sure the pain talking. I am trying to rub out knots in my left leg that are so sore I am actually crying.

New beginings.

Jelaila Starr's weekly message today about basic training and the mirror of relationship really helped me to have a new perspective. During the time of my awakening, during the past 2 1/2 years especially, I have been involved in some very intense relationships that were preparing me and forcing me to establish boundaries, to solidify my own vision of my dream, so that I could then go ahead and move into the next phase of my journey. And the time is nearing when I am going to embark onto that next phase.

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So it is only with complete and utter gratitude that I feel and express for these turbulent relationships, for helping me to clarify my own position, for preparing me to begin the next phase of my mission on this planet, that I am now able to turn my thoughts toward the future. Not only shall I carry my thankfulness for these relationships with me, and welcome future interaction with these individuals on the basis of unconditional love and acceptance, but also I have no doubt whatsoever that our paths will remain intertwined as we all continue to prepare ourselves for the fulfillment of our soul contracts during the ascension phase of the planet.

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I have been wrestling with some really big monsters during the past month, as I have been preparing my departure from the coastal region. 11 days remain, and I am now comforted after seeing Jelaila's message today. I completely understand that my current mission is to tie up the loose ends and to be able to make my exit gracefully, with gratitude, and with an open heart toward all who have assisted me in this difficult growth cycle. These individuals will always be welcome in my home, where I hope to provide a sanctuary full of peace, love, and respite from the insanity of urban life so that they can come for rejuvenation whenever they feel the need. The door will always be open.

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I am excited about the prospect of having a blank slate on which to create the world I have so long dreamed about living in. I understand that I will be responsible for the creation of this world, and am now prepared to look at things from the new perspective of service to others rather than service to self, which has completely failed me in the past. I am the source of the Love that I percieve is missing; it is up to me to inject Love into every circumstance, every moment, every detail of my new life so that I can begin to see its manifestation in my daily routine. Since I remain unable to wrap my mind around the idea that I have to continue to accept my status as walking this path alone, without a partner, without a companion, I have to trust that this situation will resolve spontaneously as I move forward with my new vision in place. This, the vision that I was able to create as a direct result of my interaction with the people whose loving mirror helped me to make it through basic training, so to speak, so that I would be prepared for the next phase of my journey.

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A toast, to new beginings!

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I INTEND, THAT I ALLOW MYSELF TO BE THE FULLEST EXPRESION OF LOVE THAT I AM, IN EACH MOMENT!

The closest I have come to a hot date in a long time.

Another attempt to determine whether I can find the meaning, and therefore the right direction to take, in the chaotic soup that is Life.

Let's review what is known.

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Born into a family comprised of persons who, for generations as far as I can tell, did not experience, understand, receive, or give, unconditional Love. They all have broken hearts.

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Recognized immediately that my experience was not at all to my liking, and was not at all consistent with either (a) the story I was being sold by the media, to include books, TV, kindergarten, and church, (b) the Truth as portrayed by conventional wisdom in the form of the ideal reality by which everyone assessed their own standing and position, or (c) my prior experience in realms I inhabited before I was born.

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By age 5 became aware of the intense pain which originated in my realization that the unconditional Love I wanted/needed/expected/assumed was going to be present upon my arrival into physicality was not present, could be seen and identified as being outside myself, and that there seemed to be no way for me to control and to change the situation. I was adrift in the sea of chaos, with my destiny to be the result of random occurrence.

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With the beginning of school there was a dramatic shift and escalation of socialization into the norms of the time, the censored view of the body of knowledge, and the definitions and connotations of words and language. This came with flawed understanding that if I were to follow a path that was "good," that was acceptable and even preferable to others, that did not harm others, and that was morally correct, Love was assured. Whether my flawed understanding was a pre-packaged product sold to me by the Powers That Be, or whether it was simply an error in judgment is subject to differing opinions along a continuum of polar opposites, as is every experience in physicality, and seems to be of little importance.

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With homosexuality came another level of disconnection from unconditional Love. Living in the Western, dogmatic, Judeo-Christian, suburban sprawl of North Texas afforded little or no way to explore and experience dating or expressing sexuality which is the whole basic premise of the socialization process in the first place - to instill into the children the ways that the adults have found are the most conducive to finding Love and acceptance in the world. Parents are relieved when their children reach their early 20's and have found a romantic partnership after the trials and tribulations of the teenage years that arise from the Dating Game.

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The college years offered a new possibility for claiming some sort of control over finding the ever-elusive Love I craved since the college population was generally much more liberal than anything I had previously encountered. But, even when I located my peers - the other gay guys my age - I was soon aware that I did not match the ego-based expectations of my peers. Without any training or experience with sportsmanship of any kind, based in part on my medical disability and surgery at age 16, and in part by my complete repulsion at anything violent, I was bascially outcast from my peer group. Other avenues remained, so I thought at the time, and so I redoubled my efforts to excel in the areas which were presented by society as alternative means with which to acquire Love.

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The completion of my formal education at the college level was of paramount importance. I have written extensively about the incredible disappointment I experienced upon learning after graduation that my education and any perceived social status that accompanied it would not provide me with any more transactional value with which to barter for Love than I had before. This was experienced as a revisitation to the intense pain described earlier at age 5 - and a deeper connection with and understanding that uncondtional Love was not present in my life, and that there seemed to be no means by which I could assure its arrival.

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I continued to imagine the possibilities of finding myself in a romantic Love partnership, to yearn for the pleasure that I perceived might be possible from finding Love - the pleasure of touch, of a sense of belonging. The more time passed without these basic building blocks of life, the more anxious and withdrawn I became. Ultimately, I was spared the continued heartache associated with this issue for a number of years when all of my time and effort was devoted to another - during the period when my mother was sick.

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After emerging from that experience, having been completely isolated from my peer group for about 6 years, I decided that I would pursue the next most logical way that I considered to be an advantage in the pursuit of Love - to earn as much money as I could, thereby allowing me to have more search options available to me - more freedom to travel and to meet others, and more freedom to create whatever material wealth or objects that might prove useful in that process. (A house with a pool always was on top of that list because they seemed to be places of great socialization, lots of people around, lots of opportunity for romance). Ultimately, money proved to be of no use toward this end.

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I became very confused and disoriented. I attempted to make sense of the idea that I had to maintain alignment with a specific moral compass, for my own sanity, and also to ensure that I was not contributing consciously to anything that might require a karmic retribution later. I wrestled with the fact that nothing that I had learned or experienced made me any closer to having the sensual, mental and emotional pleasures of romance. Nothing I could do or be seemed to work, and I was told that I was just supposed to suck it up, dust myself off, and try again tomorrow. But getting up and dusting myself off was becoming increasingly difficult with the depression that accompanies chronic physical and emotional pain.

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At some point, after having given up completely, I had the experience of going on a blind date and I purposefully chose to assume that Love was walking into my life, and to be open to its arrival. That experience led to the first round of practice, the first interpersonal interaction on a romantic level that most people were getting in their mid-teens and 20's. That relationship did not become the satisfying unconditional all-consuming Love that I miss having so much, that I desire to recapture before I die. And it was painful but necessary to release.

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I soon embark on a completely new chapter of life, defined by my physical disability status and retirement. I would like to assume the role of adventurer. I would like to be freed from the bondage that results from my lack of intimacy on all levels - emotional, intellectual, mental, physical, sexual, energetic. I am uncertain how to escape the torture of singledom. I continue to feel as though my life is empty, unfulfilled, not pleasureable, not satisfying, not bearable without the comforts of sexuality as experienced in an unconditonally Loving partnership. And yet here I am, crossing one of the last milestones, retirement, no closer to finding Love than when I was 5 years old. I suppose that in this context, there is no reason to not become an adventurer.

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I have specifically chosen to relocate, for a number of reasons, all based upon attempts to maximize my level of comfort in the absence of unconditional romantic Love. First, it is based on the attractive and luxurious nature of the new residence, the simple pleasure of having more space, inside and out, and the defining architecture and design. Second, the location is in the climate I most prefer, which should improve my physical comfort. The brightness of the desert sun, which rises early, should improve my mood, again, all based on a physiological response - physical comfort. The magnetic lines associated with the high mountain make the area an energetic spot for rejuvenation, sought by many with both physical and emotional infirm.

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I will be physically and energetically disconnected from very dear friends who have the intense romantic Love of the type which eludes me. While they mean the world to me, it is nonetheless a painful experience to be made aware so often and so harshly that I am as far from that State of Being as I have ever been, and that it is continually denied me no matter who I AM or what I do. I remain rejected, on the periphery of the world they inhabit peering in, like the proverbial child in the candy store, unable to attain the forbidden pleasure. I hope that our separation proves to be as helpful as I desire it to be. I want to be released from the torture of being denied physical comfort and pleasure in the relationship which is the closest approximation of unconditional Love that I have attained thus far, with my dearest friends downstairs. I want to release them from the torture of being unable to provide that for me. They are innocent bystanders in this my war against the Universe, the war of finding Love in physicality that began when I arrived on this planet. They should not suffer because of my predicament, which long pre-existed their arrival.

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And lastly, the demographics of the area I will be living should be more suitable for finding companionship on many levels. I am fully cognizant of the fact that my awareness level, perspective, experience, desires and intentions to find unconditonal romantic Love are quite far removed from the norm, and this will be true no matter where I live, at least for the time being in this current time-space reality where the majority of the people are not playing on the same level of this game as I am, which is to experience total integration of the spiritual and the physical. As a matter of fact, the demographics of the area is most likely to represent the complete opposite of that which I desire and seek. It may be that Source is guiding me to the exact spot where this exact polarization will be present, for it may be that my work as an integrator is to go to the darkest spot in my own psyche that is possible before I find what I am looking for, thereby illuminating a place that has not been previously illuminated in all of history. Is that not all of our missions? To illuminate? What will this mean for me personally, from day to day? Will I fall prey to the lusts of the flesh, and become involved in a never-ending pursuit of the pleasure that I desire only to find that it is yet another addiction without resolution? Will I find some other way to achieve physical and emotional pleasure that might sustain me? If not, will my bet pay off that if I remain unable to find this Love all the way until the very day I leave physicality, at least the pursuit will be less painful living in the nice house, with the glass walls, in the hot climate, with the slow pace, and with the social activities and opportunity for swimming and sunshine?

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Will this move make me more comfortable as I continue to wrestle with the pain of separation?

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That is all I am asking for.

I am going to spend the day with Anthony on Sunday if all goes well

I met this guy at Craig's last week. Anthony Barry. 27. Black. Hunky (he says husky) and VERY handsome. He is very much on my wavelength, although he may not express it the same way that I do. And I was suckered in by his affectionate nature for sure. I told him very much that I want to create a loving partnership with lots of togetherness and he thinks the same. I like it a lot.

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I am still very disconnected from my sexual function. I know that my frequency keeps rising to new levels, and at first, it is always hard to integrate. I have suffered similar episodes in the past and it was only after I became comfortable with the new frequency was I able to orgasm. Quite frustrating as every cell of my being could use the release and chemical stimulation. Also pain gets in the way sometimes. I look forward to the end of this trying time, and I know that it is going to be over soon.

I can't help it.

I love art. I love erotic art. I love black men with silky smooth hairless skin. What's not to love?

The Key to Freedom.

"To Risk"

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"To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach out to another is to risk involvement.

To express feelings is to risk exposing your true self.

To place ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.

To love is to risk being loved in return.

To live is to risk dying.

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To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

The person who asks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and is nothing.

They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they can not learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.

Chained by their attitudes, they are slaves.

They have forfeited their freedom.

Only a person who risks is free."

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--author unknown

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I am willing to risk that the present moment and the future are not doomed to be a repeat of the past! Without hope for change, one is already dead. I AM LOVE. It gives me great pleasure to be able to share Love and give it away. And in so doing, it is returned to me many times over. But none of that compares to the pleasure that I get from giving Love and appreciating my compassionate nature. I would not want to be anything else.

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I am willing to risk that telling a new story will not have any effect on what I perceive in my world on a daily basis. I intend to tell the story that I am surrounded by and engulfed by and comsumed by Love, whether or not I am feeling that way or not. Great teachers have said that the trick is just to change your mind. Conventional wisdom even proclaims that "you have to think positive."

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And so it is.

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I INTEND, TO ALLOW MYSELF TO BE THE FULLEST EXPRESSION OF LOVE THAT I AM, IN EACH MOMENT!

What a delicious horoscope for Friday!

"How great it is to be at home! Today, you want to enjoy the comfort and gentleness of your home where you feel good and in security. There, you can dream at leisure of the improvements you want to bring to your cosy little nest for the sake of your family's well being, unless you prefer to dive in the nostalgia of your souvenirs and your photo albums... If you are in a more active mood, you may want to clean up the house from floor to ceiling or you may try to implement your lovely arrangement and decoration ideas... In short, the atmosphere is nice and, if your close friends share your activities, you experience a deep feeling of inner peace."

Really, there is only One of us here.

from Rasha http://www.onenesswebsite.com/index.html

What a pleasureable day!

Started out at iHOP at 7:00 because I had gone to bed really early last night and woke up at about 2. Got some packing done and photographed and listed a few things on craigslist. Dropped off a Jamba Juice for Michael's mom, who is getting better as the days go by, which is a welcome relief. Even though she may have had a setback, the outcome is amazing considering the beginning chapter. I know Michael and Jesse are breathing sighs of relief. In fact I bumped into Michael on the way out this evening and he was all smiles.
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Saw the shrink and decided to swing by Lowe's on the way home, and then continued to shop online, and FINALLY found the manufacturer that had the size and price requirements for me to get a front-loading stacked washer and dryer. Now I am working on the financing part of the deal. (Why is buying appliances fun? I have no clue).
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David invited me to a potluck in Mission Viejo, so we got to drive in the carpool lane and avoid all the southbound traffic where the 5 and 405 meet, which was fun in and of itself. But the wacky party, filled with these old queeny guys who are not on our wavelength at all was a trip all its own. We both realize how fortunate we are to be warriors of self-examination, and we love our lives. Those old dudes are like walking dead people! With nothing to talk about except the koi pond and the overseas trip. OMG. It seems that the dirty old man who was eyeing me from every corner of the room was given a "talking to" a few months back because of his unwanted sexual advances. I was spared the groping.
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I am so curious to find out who I will meet in the desert. I know that I will miss everyone here dreadfully and that being away will be a major adjustment. But I will never not love them! No matter how far apart we are. And we really won't be. Let the adventure begin!
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I INTEND, THAT I ALLOW MYSELF THE FREEDON TO BE THE FULLEST EXPRESSION OF LOVE THAT I AM, IN EACH MOMENT!

Who or What turned off my sexual response?

Several weeks ago! Maybe when I had the flu? What was that a month already? I am going to lose my marbles.

You are a Record Keeper

16 November 2009 - 11:10pm
Channeler: Gillian MacBeth-Louthan

You each hold and house records of what has come, records of what will come, and records that exist dimensionally through space and time. You hold within you ancient truths that did not work, and ancient truths that succeeded. Every essence that is alive issues to you a declaration. Use these escaped truths as a platform, a base, and a microphone. Voice, and decree what it is that you seek, what it is that you desire, and what it is that you place your thoughts upon in order to bypass the chaos of manifestation.

The sacredness that you are, the sacredness that you seek, the sacredness that you yearn for, comes forth to you in the upcoming time as you breathe in the possibilities of your evolution, your expansion, of your tomorrow’s. On the air comes forth an issuance of decrees and knowledge of all that has been hidden. It exposes itself surmounting the borders of non-disclosure, entering you through the air, your breath, and your intent.

The world is not haphazardly created by outside energies or beings, for all is contained innately upon the surface of humanness and the surface of earth. Each one of your prayers does not leave the auric energetic field of Terra Gaia your Mother Earth, but ricochets off of her external body and lands upon a place that then creates a wish fulfilled, a dream imagined, a problem solved, a success assured. Your prayers do not leave the surface/environment of the earth. They are not sent via cosmic mail delivery to a god that checks his prayer mail.

Earth herself has the quantified ability to manifest for and with humanity all desires and wanting no matter how casually they were created. These thoughts that run in your minds, in your hearts, and in your everyday existences are asking for solutions, not from a government, not from a board or a committee, not from a book or a dialog with a wise one, but from you. You house and host the truths, the wisdom’s, and the solutions to all thoughts and problems within your sphere of existence. Everything that is issued to you in thought, in action, or in decree can be solved by you in thought, in action, in decree!

When you ponder injustices, you awaken a cellular vibration and knowledge of every time throughout existence that that injustice existed. At that point of awakening you can strengthen or dilute the injustices by your thoughts. Your woes, your wants, and your non-solutions can command the elements into disaster. Or you can embrace your inherent power by using your breath, your intent, and your manifestation ability to assist in the solution of the problem.

You inherently hold all questions, all answers simultaneously. In this upcoming experience of humanness, when you have a thought that involves or revolves around a person’s decisions, a place, or disease, or injustice – your biological essence is asking you to add your thoughts of completion to it. It is crucial to add your thoughts in a positive element to the outcome, not to hold on to the negativity and the injustices or ask why on any level (body, mind, and spirit) that the problem is not solved.

Your destiny is to be part of the liquid solution of all things that you seek. Everything that is addresses by you is addressed by you because you are part of the destiny of the solution. It does not matter if it is personal, planetary, or private. When it comes to you, it is asking for your help. You have the deciding energetic vote. You have the deciding X-factor. You have the deciding quantum/quark that will shift the situation from problem to solution. Do you see how much power is involved in this knowledge?

Do you understand that with each thought throughout your day, you are influencing the outcome of humanity, of earth, of this solar system that you exist in, and this universe that you play in? You think that you do not make a difference but you do. Every thought you have is a deciding vote. Every desire you have to make right, to do good, is a deciding vote in favor of illumination, ascension, and evolution. Look at your day. Look at your thoughts. Look at your actions and then in a subconscious vision, see how many matchsticks pile up as problems and how many matchsticks pile up as solutions. Everyday work on that until that problem pile no longer exists and there is nothing but a grand mountain of solutions that is in your energy field.

This power seems minuscule to you, but you all sit on a jury of life and death in a multitude of expressions. Will your dreams live or will they die? You decide. Will the earth live or shall she pass into the dust. You decide. Will disease be conquered, will there be a cure? You decide. Do not leave this up to what appears to be geniuses for they may use the frontal lobe of their brain, but they do not use their heart. Vote from heart. Make a difference from heart. Decree from heart. Hold the focus on what you want to see. You are the deciding celestial vote in everything that you wonder about.

We are the Sananda Council of. You are God’s in swaddling clothes on a cold winter’s night in a starry sky. Open your eyes to your gifts. the gifts that you will unwrap this Christmas are grand. We leave you in love and in knowledge.

By Gillian MacBeth-Louthan
http://www.thequantumawakening.com

Child prodigy painter

http://www.akiane.com/home.html

Watch the videos of her painting. What an extraordinary privilege to get to see a painting created before your eyes. The world has never seen an artist like this before.

I loved this the first time I read it, and now several weeks later its depth is revealing itself.

ENERGETIC SYNTHESIS

ES News- November 2009

Stepping into the Unknown


Dear Family,

This month is the start of a brand new cosmic cycle that is signaling an evolutionary shift into completely unknown territories, one which will be an entirely new life experience for many of us.

During the past months especially since July, we have been teetering in between worlds resulting from a vast influx of multiple new "cosmic" frequencies and their reconnections to the axiatonal line system of our planet's consciousness grid. This is changing the fabric of time and space as we know it. This "cosmic" time alignment sets the runway for what is about to transpire which is something that has never happened before in the history of our Universe.

What this means is that this shift in consciousness gives new direction to our lives and will also directly affect the world and the global view. A shift in consciousness is not something that only happens in our mental state, but simultaneously changes the external relationships we have in the world. It is a complete change of where we, as human beings, focus our state of consciousness and its perceived identity. This will impact individual identity and the human collective group identity in a much bigger way than we have experienced before.

This current event will reposition many of us into new relationships, residences, working collaborations, reconnections and cultivate another level of spiritual "family" alliances. The Galactic (or Monadic level) soul family is reintegrating itself into a collective group pattern to manifest the next level of the spiritual mission and its group divine blueprint. This means these introductions, reuniting these spiritual families is happening in larger patterns now as it is supported by the new architectural platform of the new energy cycle. These architectural platforms are the mainframe of the mass consciousness grids that influence and direct humanity as a group consciousness. This is the next evolutionary level happening now in November and ongoing.

We need our spiritual family to help manifest the next levels into the physical as the cosmic divine plan requires us to be embodied fully in order for it to be anchored on the Earth as a reality.

This turning point of the ascension cycle is leading us into the "Changing of the Guard" and this level of the paradigm shift is a group consciousness project. We will need to clearly understand our piece of the puzzle in order to play it out. (We will be magnetized to our rightful positions, and it is not to be forced through controlling underlying agendas) However, there is a requirement in order for this to manifest in this new phase of the Galactic Consciousness cycle.

To Embody or Not to Embody?

That is the biggest question to ask your inner self at this crucial point in the timeline change now. This time will aggressively push you to ask yourself what exactly is preventing you from being authentic to yourself and others? What has shaped into your physical reality based on your unconscious belief system? Which of these impulses had you making decisions that were out of alignment with your personal truth? What have you been hiding from yourself? You have to be incredibly clear in your purpose now, your inner truth, in order to best utilize these current energies as the springboard that will catapult your new platform into a tangible reality structure in your life.

These energies in November will catalyze you into a completely new level of "support" in this reality if you understand that it is your responsibility to be completely aligned and congruent to protect the inner truth as you know it.

This means you must be "Embodied" in what you "Know" to be True.

Within this new playing field there is only "knowing" and there is NO room for rationalization stemming from denial, or attempting to think your way into a mentally perceived resolution. The rubber hits the road and you are forced to walk your walk, ready to face the mysteries of the unknown standing before you.

This means we will be given external reality experiences to challenge our inner light integrity to be fully congruent with your core god self essence. The choices will be up to you and they will take courage to make. This will be the time of the "Reality Check" and the consequences will be dramatic.

To be congruent with your soul purpose "embodiment" is being in your "core" no matter what the external environment is doing or telling you to do. Your creative expression is matched to the degree you feel the flow of joy in the moment of its expression. As you become an observer, it will feel as an ease of flow within the harmony of its natural energetic and organic expression. However to get to the ease of flow, one has to completely let go without the ego attachment needing to control the outcome or result. Only preferences will allow the ease of flow while attachments will constrict or stop the flow. This necessitates holding the observer consciousness, one that can observe the events without imposing judgment or attachment.

We will need to master this state in order to experience the smoothest pathway of evolution, the ascension timeline. We will get our needs met (not necessarily our fixed attachments to material security) and be moved out of harm's way if we learn to flow without fear and anxiety.

To Know Thyself

To be congruent with your soul purpose and to embody that intelligence directly requires self inquiry. To Know Thyself, is an adage that directly applies in this new energy cycle as it requires you do the inner work that will surface the contents of your inner being to your conscious awareness. It is only then you can choose to participate with that awareness, or not, and this is the piece that takes courage. Courage is to trust in the process and commit to reflect the core essence of your divinity as your first priority. If you can discipline yourself to manage this, your experience will be much smoother as you move forward.

Many times a person who aspires to achieve goodness in the world, is driven into actions that are completely incongruent to their core being and soul purpose. They are not directly choosing to be incongruent with their soul harmony from a conscious choice they are making. IT is simply a direct byproduct of not knowing what they do not know, yet, which means they have not delved deeper into themselves to have the exacting clarity on the contents of their own being. Many times they are only reactive to mental programs that control their behaviors in the external world.

If we strive to know the contents of our own being, then we will be able to have the responsibility to direct our personal power and become able to spiritualize our life choices. This is the "wisdom" piece that is required at this time for us to advance in this first wave of the changing guard. More waves will come, however there is a momentum to this energetic wave that will carry us if we are able to recognize it and take responsibility for our actions and personal energies.

If we have huge blind spots that cripple us in expressing the core truth, then we will be corrected. If you have been engaging in destructive, addictive or unconscious behavior you will be corrected. Additionally, relative to the degree you have carried actions with consequences that impact others, such as healing groups and intentional communities - they will also be impacted and corrected. Correction is the rapid return of the imbalanced or mis-qualified energies to your field that results in a direct consequence to your action.

This is the Universal Law's benevolence giving us the opportunity to become more in alignment to the process of our "embodied "divinity.

We will thank our lucky stars we are doing this now instead of later, as the amplification of polarity will only increase later. It is suggested we DO this inner work now, pay attention and not procrastinate.

Understand that the Natural Laws of the Physical Universe is such that it is our responsibility to direct energies, accountable to where we focus and place our attention and this will continue to be under scrutiny with the new cosmic energies. This is not coming from judgment by any stretch of imagination, only that congruency in what is being represented is a prerequisite to move through this next cycle easily. This natural "law" has not been as tough on us as it is now, as these energies are acting as a "taskmaster" forcing us to do the inner work. This is similar to a "Saturn Return" in our personal astrology chart. Which means that what is hidden or not in integrity with what is being represented will be increasingly apparent to whomever is the "watcher" and corrections will be made almost on the spot.

Note: We are going to need some tools to support us during this next cycle. The end of this newsletter includes guidelines to utilize as a practice to develop your personal energetic mastery.

Frequency of Unity Intelligence

Additionally, as one spiritually advances to be congruent and aligned into the monadic embodiment, the frequency of Unity (Love) emits as an intelligence field from the being. This means that the field of energetic intelligence, a consciousness field of "Unity" rearranges and reorganizes any discordant energetic pattern in the environment. This "consciousness technology" results when a physical being has embodied its monadic level of consciousness and is congruently aligned with its god purpose. It's a byproduct of embodied divinity.

The more out of integrity a person, place or thing is with its natural harmonic core expression, the harder it will be for that person, place or thing to remain 'hidden" in the façade it has created as the illusion of its perceived physical identity.
The New Energy of Unity, the Frequency of Unity is a frequency of "Truth" Vibration as directed by Source energy. No words are needed to express, as this is strictly an "embodiment" of truth presence. This level of love frequency can only be directed through a physical vehicle that has been largely freed (purified) of ego constraints and desires. The process of Inner Alchemy through polarity integration is what is necessary to purify the physical vehicle to the extent that finally the healed unified energy template of the Cosmic Christ Consciousness Form can embody. The physical vehicle can now be utilized as a channel of Unified Source energy, and the template (and its nervous system) is healed at a level it is finally able to direct this intelligence field.
Those that are now remembering to embody this love vibration are being asked to step up and hold the "New Energy" reality space and watch the old ego system around them self destruct. As you become aware of the intentional field of Unity coming through your body in service to the Divine, the channel of your being is flowing in congruence to the Energetic Reality of Love.
The Power of this Energetic Principle in Action is more Profoundly Transformative for our planet than anything else we could ever fabricate.
5 Pillars of Realizing Purpose
We are governed by Energetic Laws of Principle and Consciousness in this Multiverse. Here are 5 Pillars towards realizing your purpose and reinstating your divine blueprint towards Cosmic Consciousness. We are entering entirely new territory, new fields of reality and new purpose. Yet these are still the foundations to help us remember how to focus our consciousness and create a smooth transition for ourselves. Intend god-purity in our purpose and the light will show us the way.

Law of Strength - Commit to your Soul evolution. State your Declaration of Intent to serve your Soul. "Your desire to know God is of a drowning man for want of air" Yogananda

Universal Law of One - Begin to understand the Laws which govern our existence, and your Multidimensional Spiritual Anatomy as a God-being. "The Mysteries are Revealed to the human whose light is shining and he becomes the Knower". Alice Bailey and DK.

Law of Transformation - Be willing and open to change by surrendering to Divine Will. Clear fear belief systems (b.s.) and the negative ego expressions that influence you from the collective human unconscious mind. Affirm: I leave human order and choose divine order in all things.

Law of Response- Give back your Go(o)dness to the world, Give your love, knowledge and blessings and expand your abundance through service. The soul's true nature is of one, one with abundance, joy and fulfillment, found through purpose and service.

Law of Verification -- The Examined Life of a Light Heart- Live your Soul purpose by making it your lifestyle. I AM that I AM. Be Still and Know I Am God!


First Triad of Spiritual Awakening

How do we support harmony in our consciousness shift within these tumultuous energies? Most of us are undergoing the tests of personal mastery with how we direct our mental and emotional focus. This process is how we transcend the "personality ego program" which consists of the first three layers (3D) of our chakra/auric system. These are suggested guidelines on how best you may utilize your energy in directing the focus of your consciousness during these times:

— Stay in the Now moment and maintain observer consciousness
— Inquire and commit to serving the Way of your Soul and its purposes
— Listen, learn the language of Soul and take action on the guidance of your Soul
— Resolve all fear and emotional conflicts ( remember FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real)
— Develop your Inner Connection to Soul that supercedes all reliance on the External Connections or Perceptions of Reality
— Live a Life congruent to your soul purpose, and that it serves as an example to others.
— Commit to a daily practice ( meditation, connection, clearing)
— Live by the Law of Love ( Law of One)
— Use Consistency in Practice of Technique (Meditate or work with Spiritual Tools to Build your Spiritual Muscle)

And If you just do not know what else to do:

BE THE WILL TO GOOD, THE WILL TO GOD
(service to others)

These are amazing times we are sharing as we step into the unknown. We are in this adventure together and until next....Stay in the luminosity of your Avatar Heart Path!

Love, Lisa



© 2009, Lisa Renee

This ES Monthly News Article reflects the Guardian Perspective of the Ascension Timeline (2012 Timeline) as support, both energetically and informationally, for the Galactic Families of Starseeds and the Indigo Races. This Spiritual Family has accepted the Guardianship role to support the foundation of Cosmic Citizenship as an evolutionary model for this planet and humanity, and this is a level of earth based advocacy designed for this specific group. There is absolutely no value difference given on the role each being has chosen for its expression. The Guardian Groups mission directive is rehabilitation of the hologram, repairing its energetic architecture (dna), embodying the Ascended Human Protoform, supplying informational context on Ascension dynamics and Exopolitic (ET) Agendas and reeducating both human and non-human's to be congruently aligned to the Universal Law of One. Freedom, Fraternity, and the Sovereign Right of All Beings to be a Knower of God Source is protected by the Collective Unity Vow shared among our Universal Guardian Groups.


The Group Unity Vow Decree
Defender Warriors of Truth, Sovereignty, Liberation. All Guardian races Serving the One. From Across All the Multiverses We Call Upon You to Join US Now. Our Unification Principle deemed as demonstrated in the waves of Omni Love - We Sound our Group Note to You Now. Our Group Template Updated, Individually and Collectively, Renewed and Forever Perpetuated in the Eternally Sustained Light. Our Alchemical Container is consecrated and dedicated to the Purposes of One, and we endeavor to be the Knower of God to then be the Way Shower of God. Sustain Us in the Eternal Power of our Consecration.

We have called for your Gatekeeping in order to hold our community, our missions, our mutual highest purposes in Service to the One Light, Our Source, The Living Light Code. Our Intention is Unification - The Christ Principle - as an Energetic Reality, Here and Now.

We request the handshake of our community to fortify our spiritual links through the Universal Cosmic Triad, and into The Core of One, the Zero Point God Matrix, that which is the source of our Genesis. With deep reverence for all of Life, Dear God, Breathe your Life Codes into all created form. We set our intention now to be Remembered to That Which We Are, fully completely and totally.


To State our Mutual Purpose as One, Resurrect All inorganic patterns to the Organic Living Light Now. And to that we Say, Thank God We Are The Cosmic Christ!

And so It is. Lovingly Decreed.

© 2009, Lisa Renee


Please note in order to distribute this Newsletter in other forums please do so with the following guidelines: Include author's credit, copyright and include the ES website url. http://www.energeticsynthesis.com

wwwWWWOOOWWWwww

Have been dreadfully hungry for at least a week. Went to Japanese. Came home to medicate and inhale and lie down for a rest. As if that is not all I did today - lie in bed and finally sleep in order to escape my world. Pathetic. So tonight I became aware of this BREATHTAKINGly strong energy. I perceived myself in the flow of an amazingly strong and cold and fast moving energy that was pulling me in, down. I became aware of even an audible war going on between whatever negative entity was using this force upon me and my inner self saying "hell fucking no you are not going to suck the life force out of me motherfucker I will fight to the death." It was unbelievable! I thought well I have to be able to seal off the opening where my energy is being drained and to turn it around and allow energy to flow up and through me and radiate into 3D. For my body to be warm instead of cold. For my mind to be free from having to fight so hard just to keep the life from being sucked out of me. I swear it beats any horror movie that I have seen about the subject of dark entities.
.
But I am onto it now. It no longer has the easy ride it used to have.

Surrounded by millions...

...but no one to say good morning to
no one to curl up with
no one to seek comfort with
no one to kiss goodnight
no one to share living with

only death can relieve the yearning
most certainly it is nothing to fear
when compared to the horror of another day, week, year, or decade spent alone
only leaving the planet will cure the separation
until then I will dream of Loving you

19 days to go.

I am ready to move now - it's all about the ticking of the clock at this point. While no mansion, and although my new home will not have a private pool and spa, which is the only thing I ever wanted in a home since I was a child, it is beautiful, and I will have access to not only the on-site pool and spa, but also to many others in the city. If I am going to have to continue to spend the vast majority of my time alone, at least I will be able to do that in a beautiful home and environment.

.

I have made an attempt to reconnect with Mark and Dan, a married couple whom I felt were very nice to me in the past, with whom I loved to spend time, until Mark went down the sexual road with me. Why can't gay men just enjoy friendship and togetherness without going there? I will never understand it. Especially married ones. You would think that it would be safer to be friends with a married person and that you would be free from the possibility of unwanted sexual adbances because of the marriage vow - I am here to tell you that it is not safer. I always felt alive in Mark's presence- I wonder if we will be able to reconnect in a friendly way without the sexual drama.

Opening the Heart

Message From Jeshua, November 2009

Through Rev. Michelle Coutant

"Opening Your Heart Portals"

Beloved Ones,

Remembering you are Love, can be a most profound and monumental occurrence for many of you. You have been separated from your Divine Self for a great period of time, basking in the third dimension, as if there was no other alternative, no other way to live. You have found that there is indeed another way to live. It is the way of truth, of compassion, and of understanding, and your remembrance of the Love that you are. It is the beginning of your return to the life of wholeness which you desire. Through this knowingness of Love, you open the door to a higher understanding, a greatness of wisdom, which you have been unable to access as you were held captive in the boundaries of the third dimension. It is a new step forward, one that has great rewards, as you begin to open the heart to this new understanding.

The heart portal has been closed at the back of the heart for a great period of time, as our Mother God withdrew, as you withdrew your desire to live in Love. These portals, front and back were closed, and you drew the veil across your heart so you did not have to suffer the pain of your disconnection from Source. This disconnection was felt and suffered in a myriad of ways, most importantly; your lives have been devoid of Love. Through your disconnection from Source, your disconnection from the All That Is, you have suffered greatly, and you now have the ability to open your heart, both front and back, and receive the love of Source, the Love of The All That Is. This Love is all encompassing, never ending and eternal and it is for each and every one of you.

The Mother God has returned to earth, showering her Love upon all who are ready to receive it. You may sit quietly in meditation, and focus upon your heart, see the veil being dissolved, effortlessly and easily, opening you to new truths and wisdom and to this Love of the Mother God. See the back portal of your heart opening and blossoming and expanding. The doorway opens and it is as if a flower bursts into bloom as the light shines upon it. It is so simple Beloveds, you have only to do it and know that a higher truth will be yours as you open your heart to the Love of the Universe, the Love of the All. There is only The All and it is Love, and you are this Love.

I stand with you, right next to you, supporting you in the Love of the Creator and the All That Is. Know that I am with you."
Jeshua

You may copy freely and share. Please copy the message in its entirety, giving credit to Jeshua through Rev. Michelle Coutant, and provide a link to: www.transformingradiance.com.

Visit Michelle's website at: www.transformingradiance.com
Email: michelle@transformingradiance.com

Love and Many Blessings,
Michelle

3472 S.W. Oar Court, Palm City, FL. 34990, USA

Uranus transit Descandant

"Keep in mind that when Uranus, the planet of unexpected events, transits on your Descendant, which happens only once in a lifetime, your marriage and partnerships are exposed to all sorts of upheavals. For instance, your couple may undergo full transformation, or the way you approach life together may totally change, or you may divorce quickly and suddenly! If, on the contrary, you are single, this period is very auspicious for a meaningful encounter which may lead to settling with your romantic partner or getting married. The personality of your partner or the circumstances of your meeting are most likely to be unusual and odd since Uranus fills the atmosphere with the irresistible charm of the unexpected."

That explains all the upheaval and disconnection at hand.

Why do I compare myself?

"To blame is to compare.
To compare is to be afraid.
To be afraid will anchor greater doubt.
And as you anchor greater doubt,
you will, indeed, manifest
that which you fear the most."

"Let go of the comparison.
Let go of the judgment."

http://snoedel.punt.nl/?r=1&id=483654

One headache plus...

...one anxiety attack...

...equals pill-popping time.

F*&K

Why? Why do I have to suffer this and alone?

It has to be different when I move. I have to find intimacy and support. I have to.

Akashic Records for November 2009

http://snoedel.punt.nl/?r=1&id=482691
What energy and experiences can we expect in November 2009?
There is a polarity in the experience this month. There are two opposite ends of a spectrum that are available and you will experience them simultaneously. One end includes a flurry of activity. If you imagine the airplane metaphor we have given you for this year, you are likely to see that as you prepare for your final descent, people are rushing to get to their seats, changing seats, and rushing to put things away. Everyone seems to be in preparation and you are likely to see a lot of activity this month.
On the other end and at the very same time, there is a beautiful, calm, quiet, peaceful energy that permeates this month. The energy of the Goddess infuses this month. It is like the energy of Virgo for those of you familiar with astrological archetypes. What you will find collectively between these two poles is the ability to be calm in the midst of chaos. To find your quiet center as you stay actively engaged in the activities around you. That skill of holding both of those experiences is the perfect thing to practice this month. It will serve you very well. A good way to work with these energies is to actively pursue activities that help you find a calm, quiet center. Utilize those just before you step into a flurry of activity, just before a meeting, just before an event, just before socializing, just before working on a project. Take a moment to quiet your mind, to tap into the pure energy of love. Imagine being embraced by a loving mother and imagine the sense of relaxation you might feel if you felt truly embraced by a loving mother. Allow that feeling to enter your body and then engage in activity. That is the best way to work with this energy or with the polarity that presents itself. In the larger picture, the Keepers have given this metaphor for the year 2009 of being on an airplane. In that metaphor, what you are finding now is that all of you have noticed a pressure change. The pressure has begun to increase and this is occurring in world events, it is occurring particularly in the US in public debate, but certainly in other countries. It is also occurring in your personal lives. It is like the pressure is beginning to increase as you move downward into a denser part of the atmosphere so to speak. Recognize that increasing pressure as a natural part of the process. If you want to land, if you want to arrive at your final destination, you will need to go through the landing process and collectively, humanity, you are all doing this. What you will find is a lot of people are responding to that high pressure. Fear is coming to the surface for many people. More than ever, people are choosing love over fear. People who are really feeling a lot of fear and unable to find an outlet for it or a way to control it, they are becoming louder. This is where the point on the airplane where you start to hear babies crying, people get restless, those people who are uncomfortable are becoming more and more vocal. Do not be deceived. The vast majority of people are feeling cool, calm and collected. The vast majority of people have found ways to heal their fear. They are finding ways to choose love over fear in their lives. While the voices of fear are becoming louder, they are actually far less numerous than they were even one year ago. This is true in the United States and it is true throughout the world. Watch the scenario unfold and be mindful about what energy you are putting out to the world around you. If you find yourself complaining a lot, or doing what some people call venting, consider that what you are doing is inappropriately sharing your fear with people and dragging them down. There are times for venting, there is room for complaining, but at this time in November 2009, it is especially important to be mindful that any negative, critical, hurtful or fear based words or actions that you take are going to have a strong affect on the people around you. Everyone is experiencing his or her own version of discomfort and everyone is engaged in a valiant effort to choose love over fear. Do what you can to create a sense of peace and calm and love in the world around you just as you would on an airplane to quiet you voice, take a few deep breaths and adjust to the discomfort of beginning your initial descent, or maybe it is your final descent, toward your final destination. What more can we do to work with the energies available this month?
It will be useful for you to occupy yourselves with love. Find people to love. Find reasons to love people. Find opportunities and events that make space for you to be affectionate, for you to be kind and compassionate. The more you can occupy yourself with love the less you will be distracted by your fear. It is important this month that you do not try too hard to resist your fear, but instead just gently move your energy and attention toward love and away from fear. Are there any important days or power days for us to work with this month?
November 8 through 12 is a window. It is a window in which humanity will have closer contact with the higher dimensions. It is like a portal but it is big. It is four days long. It is almost like a festival of higher connections. During this four-day stretch, you may find yourself having more intense dreams. You may find yourself sleeping more than you usually do. It will be useful during these four days to take extra care of your body, to do what you can to be grounded. Be sure to eat enough food and keep a steady level of blood sugars and protein in your system and to drink plenty of water. November 18 provides kind of a moment of light. This is a day when things can be clear when you can calm down and when you can expect people to be more reasonable than they might otherwise be. This is a good day to address any conflicts that remain unresolved. There is a little bit more peace available this day so capitalize on it by trying to work through unresolved issues, being as gentle and graceful as you can. November 28 provides intensity; things are going to get more intense. This may be where in the airplane metaphor where you hit the turbulence of the final hot air rising from the surface. Look for intensity on November 28. If you expect it, it will not throw you off. Anticipate that things will change in unexpected ways. Anticipate that your plans will not unfold as you had hoped. Be prepared to be flexible, to be forgiving and to be patient with yourself and others on this day and for the days following. Is there anything else the Keepers want to tell us about November 2009?
There is one other thing about this month, involving the theme of nourishment -- spiritual, physical, emotional, and social nourishment. It will be really useful for you to be mindful this month about what you put into your bodies and how it nourishes you. Notice how you spend your time and what people you bring into your lives. Look for spiritual, emotional and physical nourishment this month. Look for the things that feed your soul and avoid wasting time and energy on those things that are empty. You might consider using the metaphor of food to help you make some decisions about what people you spend time with this month. Some people bring the equivalent of empty calories, like soda or candy might. Look instead for those relationships and those activities that really feed your soul; that leave you feeling nourished and filled with love and with light. Most of you can no longer afford t waste your time and energy on the effort to connect with people and experiences that do not belong with you. Let it be this month. Give yourself permission to do the things that you love and to say "no" to the things that you do not love. It may cause some social discomfort, but ultimately, it frees you and everyone else to create the lives that you were born to live in. That is your birthright. We encourage you to embrace that this month.