Moving right along.

It seems as though we have busted through some stuck energy this week and that we will begin to feel lighter and not so dreadfully heavy - make no mistake, there is a long way to go before we clear the summer solstice, which promises to be a grand adventure for sure. We are not completely out of the woods yet. Nevertheless, we are most certainly blessed with a lighter time now than the past 6-8 weeks. I am enjoying observing my thoughts and emotions, and watching them come and go, completely detached, as they are not *me*. Being fully aware and present in my body, with my breath drawn down to my feet at all times, is a totally new way of life for me, as I have spent so many years trying to stay out of my body to avoid the torture it causes me. Wow, what a ride we are on! I am so ready to create something new, based from the heart center, but yet I hold back, fearing that my contemporaries would not understand. I will release this fear as well and watch it, to see where it leads. Ms. Dalian makes no bones about that this work is ultimately about facing, feeling, and accepting your own mortality. Obviously, any of us could make a life's work out of clearing all the thoughts and emotions we have stuffed into our bodies. But for some reason, now that I am aware of how this process works, I am so much more calm. And it doesn't feel like "work" at all.

Through loving relationships, we come to know ourselves.

Awareness is the key (special thanks to Jeremiah on tribe).

...but what REALLY stresses me...

...is not the uncertainty posed by the job/surgery drama.

Was I fully present today?
Was I kind to everyone?
What kind of energy did I project?
Did I manipulate anyone?
Was my thinking free of judgment of self and others?
If I am free to do whatever I want to do, what is it that I want to do?
Why have I waited for anyone else to join me when I can, I must continue my spiritual journey of knowing myself fully, here, now?
How am I paralyzed from taking action now that will affect my future, as though the future is some far away place or time?
Don't I have enough information and resources, right now, to be in the state of constant Bliss?
How may I be of compassionate service to others?
How can I do all these things and have my own needs met?
What am I willing to give up?

Whew. My brain hurts. I need to go eat my second dinner now LOL!

I'm terminated!

Thankfully, recent legislation keeps my COBRA cost at $145.00 per month for nine months, by which time I should no longer need PT and expensive medical treatment.

I have enough disability benefits to stay afloat until the end of September, at which time I will:

lose my apartment

lose my car

lose my mother's car

default on all credit payments

be forced into bankruptcy.

In the alternative, should any settlement of my claim of discrimination against my former employer pay enough to pay all the debt, Social Security would keep me afloat in my apartment, although the budget would be very tight.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

The Oscillation finally swings back.

This cosmic dance can be very tiresome. LOL! Started reading Mada Dalian's book again, Healing into Consciousness, after quite an evening of reconnection with Source. I am able to understand what she is writing about now with a clarity that could only have come by experiencing the awakening of my kundalini energy through all the chakras, as she describes. So, now the task is to begin healing the "stuck" or stored energy that is on each chakra level so as to raise my consciousness ever higher, which was my original assignment and all of our original assignments before we got here.

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Around me I see lots of changes going on, some healing, some transformation from one life phase to another. It is all part of the cosmic dance. The experiment now will be to continue under Mada's guidance and to begin questioning absolutely everything. Since I have freed myself from the "Matrix" of work and society and all that stuff for the time being to address the issue of my overdue back surgery, I have time to finally embark on this journey that will set the stage for the next phase of my life. So, I question everything.

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What I am saying is that in each and every moment, we are basically making the whole thing up, so we are free to choose again if we are experiencing any emotion that we do not like. I have written about this extensively as this information has come from channeled beings, and it is time to put the pedal to the metal and begin taking their bait and acting on the information.

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I do realize that this recent regression into old thought and behavior patterns was accelerated and intensified by the surgery itself, and am surprised to find how Western Medicine has no plan in place to deal with the fact that after surgery (as would be the case after any physical trauma), your body and ego-mind fall back into the old fears of mere survival. You would think that there would be a special protocol for patients to follow to help them come back out of that survival mode and to function at their highest level again quickly. Ever notice how after surgery, people will exhibit irrational, inappropriate, or unreasonable behavior? I can tell you it is in part because their bodies are in shock to the point where they believe that their mere survival is at stake. Usually this comes in the form of severe pain. It is super fun! NOT.

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So, I will be concentrating on plugging back into my high level of awareness that was going on last summer, and rejuvenate the work I was doing then, which had allowed me to accept myself and others unconditionally, to experience Bliss as the very foundation of Creation and bring it forth into this dimension, even if for short periods, and finally, to allow love to come into my life. I have been plagued recently by severe separation anxiety and the fear of being alone, and I understand that this is a construct of the ego-mind and will fall away as I begin this work again (it has already begun to subside).

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Maybe this path will lead me to becoming a person certified in her healing method - a new occupation? Who is to know. I'd totally love it if it were true! Meanwhile, I am going to begin to attempt to heal the issues in each chakra, one by one, so as to be able to consciously choose each moment I particpate in. I am not doing this with the intent of changing, improving or fixing anything, but I anticipate that I will begin to pay more attention to nutrition and physical well-being as this goes along. And isn't it time? Naturally! The Universe knows what it is doing.

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One thing is clear, and that is we must steer clear of judgment, and must forgive ourselves and others, consciously, constantly, in order to be on this path.

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LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE.

The holographic nature of the Universe

I contain Darkness, but I choose Love. I AM Love.

Won't you join me? It's why we came here.

Would You Lie With Me?

To lie down beside you is my one true dream
To have you all through the night is my greatest desire
I want to have you near me to warm my lonely bedside
I want us to comfort one another and delight in each other’s aspirations
If I should lay here
Would you lie with me?
Would you keep me close and hold me tight
To make sure everything is right?
Could you remain until the nightmares have gone?
Or all the tears on my pillow have dried?
Would you listen if I told of all my failures or when my hopes for life had died?
Would you stay awake through the late hours to make sure I’d fallen asleep?
Or to dry every tear that falls from my face when I have begun to weep?
If I should lay here
Would you lie with me?

by Marissa http://allpoetry.com/poem/2991462

Wish List

This 2007 study showed that TWICE as many single people than married people commit suicide, and that singles are more prone to depression. The need for companionship is a very strong human drive, and its importance cannot be ignored. In addition for my wish that I begin to perceive that I have constant companionship, even when physically alone, I intend, or wish for, or pray for, the following:

Relief from pain;

Relief from depression and despair;

Better communication with my loved ones, to include better expression of mutual respect, and adoration and affection toward them (for without them I am nothing);

More quality time and fulfilling interaction with my loved ones, whose very presence sustains me;

Greater ability to sustain a feeling of worthiness in times of solitude;

Freedom from the feeling of failing to bring happiness to my biological family members, and release from the grips of their misery;

The acceptance of my highly sensitive nature by my loved ones;

The elimination of any and all judgment, and instead the expression of Love and forgiveness in its place, including toward myself.

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE.

Forgiveness.

I forgive myself for feeling so small, insignificant, sorrowful, empty, unworthy, and helpless.

I forgive myself for any action that has caused discomfort for another.

I forgive myself for creating any situation that is not of peace, harmony, and love.

I forgive myself for letting the refrigerator get stinky, but I am going to clean it up now.

Baby steps to feeling better.

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."

--Leo Buscaglia

Well so what IS it that is making me so miserable?

My sister and her inability to reconcile her childhood injuries, and her constant flinging of the poo back onto the rest of our family? My mother, having been duped by all good sense into the living arrangement with my sister that is now falling apart at the seams? My medication? My pain? My frustrations? I will simply not rest until the source is known so that I can reconnect with my higher self in joy again.

from Jeremiah on tribe.net

"When one truly embraces the Oneness of being in one’s physicality and one’s own dark core as part of All and of The Mother, you can’t help but feel Her pain. I guess that is why so many run to transcendence or to some other thing of attachment and addiction so they don’t have to deal with their own. "

This is my biggest obstacle, what about you?

More self-deprication

Tonight while reading it occurred to me that I am really beating myself up for falling into depression, as though I am at fault, or to blame. This just makes matters worse! So I refuse to entertain this line of reasoning, and will instead be on the lookout for the lesson concealed by all these swirling emotions so that I can learn it and move on. I have pain, I have limitation, and I am somewhat isolated. That should be reason enough to be depressed right there without me adding to the mix by beating myself up over it. Right? It's time I gave myself a break.

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE (including me), FOR WE ARE ONE

Where is the exit?

Lost in the dark, looking for the way out of the maze. Wondering how I am going to do this. Where is the magic pill, the fun that will lift me from despair? Awaken alone, bathe alone, eat alone, navigate the day alone, go to sleep alone, to awaken alone again. There are occasions when others are present. It feels lonely even with the others present, walled-off somehow, separate. Even cast-out. It is a deepening of the feeling mentioned in the recent channeled message about undergoing Judgment - feels just like that.

What can I do? I can start taking meds again. I can try to poke holes in my routine. I can look for companionship and try not to be a toxic presence so as to spoil it. I can sleep. I will not fear the oscillation, since it is not static and since the pendulum will eventually swing.

Oh, how I miss...

...the daily gatherings in my apartment, full of people and laughter, when I was usually the sole nude person among all the clothed persons, male and female, vulnerable, yet powerful. I enjoyed the unconditional acceptance that this setting afforded me. However disabled and disfigured my body becomes, I proved to myself that I *can* accept myself, and can therefore accept others completely. The clothed/unclothed setting strengthened this level of personal body acceptance, and I enjoyed the opportunity to show others that however hopeless it may seem, you *can* embrace life and have fun doing so. Someday, I want to once again have the pleasure of an everpresent group of intimate friends with whom to pass the hours of drudgery and physical discomfort. I had a small gathering of three today for a little while, and I enjoyed myself and the company very much.

Love is...

...a knowing in your heart, without ever having to say a word.

April 13, 2009
A Virtuous CycleThe Ripple Effect
From the Daily OM

In a world of six billion people, it’s easy to believe that the only way to initiate profound transformation is to take extreme action. Each of us, however, carries within us the capacity to change the world in small ways for better or worse. Everything we do and think affects the people in our lives, and their reactions in turn affect others. As the effect of a seemingly insignificant word passes from person to person, its impact grows and can become a source of great joy, inspiration, anxiety, or pain. Your thoughts and actions are like stones dropped into still waters, causing ripples to spread and expand as they move outward. The impact you have on the world is greater than you could ever imagine, and the choices you make can have far-reaching consequences. You can use the ripple effect to make a positive difference and spread waves of kindness that will wash over the world.

Should the opportunity arise, the recipient of a good deed will likely feel compelled to do a good deed for someone else. Someone feeling the effects of negative energy will be more likely to pass on that negative energy. One act of charity, one thoughtful deed, or even one positive thought can pass from individual to individual, snowballing until it becomes a group movement or the ray of hope that saves someone’s life. Every transformation, just like every ripple, has a point of origin. You must believe in your ability to be that point of origin if you want to use the ripples you create to spread goodness. Consider the effect of your thoughts and actions, and try to act graciously as much as possible.

A smile directed at a stranger, a compliment given to a friend, an attitude of laughter, or a thoughtful gesture can send ripples that spread among your loved ones and associates, out into your community, and finally throughout the world. You have the power to touch the lives of everyone you come into contact with and everyone those people come into contact with. The momentum of your influence will grow as your ripples moves onward and outward. One of those ripples could become a tidal wave of love and kindness.

Exactly describes what I have been feeling!

Planetary Ascension Update - April 11, 2009 New Earth.. 12 April 2009 07:42:06

We are, as a Planet and Individually, in the midst of, and experiencing Judgment. It is crucial to remember that this is a Time of Truths being revealed... This Judgment is simply placing a bright Light on all that exists within our material world, and exposing the darkness for what it is, hence making it Light.It is also most important to remember and realize that we are creating NOW. We are still in the eye of "0" point, but are creating what it is we Truly want. We are going through the Great Awakening and Ascension. We are Re-structuring and Re-configuration Our-Selves and the Collective Consciousness of the Planet.This often time "feels" like we are stuck. We can't make a decision. We feel as if we're in Limbo. We may feel oppressed, confused, lacking motivation, lacking clarity, lethargic, over-eating, pains in the back, neck or shoulders, stomach abnormalities, lacking energy, sleeplessness, wild and vivid dreams, hearing loud, altering and definitive tones, frustrated, doubtful, irritable, forgetful, dizzy spells, a detachment from reality or sense of surrealism, etc....
Let Go... Release... Allow...We are taking the Inner, True Knowledge that we ALL possess With-in and we are creating our New and Different material plane. We are bringing Heaven to Earth...All that is and has been of the material world is being released... All. This is felt on all levels. This is all we've known for millenniums. We have done nothing wrong. We are simply growing-up and Awakening. We are being Re-Born, Resurrected, Re-Newed...As in past months, we continue to be traveling the road of Healing and Hope, Optimism and Rejuvenation. We continue to be in the midst of great opportunity and choice. So, if you don't feel motivated in any particular direction or activity, do not fret. Do not feel you are doing something wrong, that there's something wrong with you, or that you're failing in some regard. You are Not. You are being Re-configured and Re-structured. Let Go... Release... Allow...It will be revealed. Soon.As a Planet, we are abandoning our prior Man-made beliefs, illusions and false realities. Hence, Judgment. This is a gift We give Our-Selves ;-) We are moving on to more Enlightening Times. We are Awakening. We must first transmute the majority of traditional thinking. It has served it's purpose, and has served us well. But, it is not longer serving us. We are evolving and are ready for more Truth.In order for All that has been promised to us to be delivered, we must Let Go of the past. We must Release the illusions. We must Allow the Great Change to come upon us. We must embrace the New with open hearts and open arms. We must Allow "The Fall..." We must only die in order to be Re-Born...We have a fear of loss. This great fear of loss; of the loss of material,... and remember, not all material is tangible. Not only money and the objects it can buy, are material. The Mind, or Ego, is material. The body is material... Again, We have such a great fear of loss of the material that we have proven the words of Jesus of Nazareth when He spoke of how One cannot worship two Gods. We have fallen in Love with our material. We have lived for and worshiped the material. It rules us. It is our God.It does not matter how many times per week, nor per day, One attends a Spiritual establishment or professes His/Her "Faith." It matters only what One's heart shines, and the intentions with which One lives his/her life. Our Planet has clearly made a choice of material in the past. Why? In order to experience and learn, that's why. We have now made the choice to choose Truth. This is all. It is this simple. We are moving closer to the Light/Love... We are moving closer to Home...On an even deeper level, we are collectively Hoping and desiring the ultimate in Unity, male/feminine harmonizing, the Perfect Love of All, and Celebration!!! We will have ALL of this!!, but must first complete our transmuting of the old.Before the beauty and reward of Triumph can be experienced, however, we will continue with "the fall," and experience temporary hardship, pain, suffering, short term sacrifice for the Greater Good, along with Spiritual Enlightenment. This will look very confusing, and possibly, scary in the material, 3D world. One must simply Go Inside for guidance, clarity and answers. They are ALL there... You have been told.We will prevail in the end, for how could we not?! So, hang on cause "it's gonna be a bumpy ride...!" But, it will all be well worth it. And, we have choice as to how we participate in the material plane. Also, never forget just Who is Truly in charge. I can tell you that it's not the material mind. It is not the you who thinks he/she has been in charge all this time... It is YOU, your Higher/Divine/Full Self.If you are drawn to a particular person, book, location, building, group, website, seminar, class, etc... follow that instinct. It is YOU, guiding you. YOU will guide you, if only you will stop and listen.Always Much love and Healing Light!Joe and Jen (KA and Royen)www.YouWantThis.Org

And for another viewpoint than the one you are going to get from the mainstream.

So I sit and contemplate how we got here. I am totally blown away by all the Happy Easter ruckus that is going on. I am especially disappointed in having grown up in the cult of Christianity, after having listened to all the believers claim year after year after year that their true desire was World Peace, since the *actual* message is that they want world peace according to their terms.

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I sit in awe of the Powers That Be, who have successfully instilled the notion in the mainstream world religions that we are separate from God, and that a Saviour is here to forgive our sins. What this has done is to create an environment where we collectively believe or accept that we are ultimately not responsible, because whatever horrors we inflict upon each other will ultimately be forgiven and forgotten, absolving us from the responsibility of our actions.

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As a more holistic view is now coming into being, we have deduced that our world and our societies are our creations, and that what we do do another, we also do to ourselves. The advantage of seeing things from the perspective of being yet an aspect of the One is that you begin to easily discern that the world is indeed mirroring to you. There is no "other." Of course forgiveness is a fundamental construct from the perspective of the One, but it is actually very easy to do when you are so in awe at the magnificence of the entire process of human experience, and are so excited to be Here, Now, at the time of the Shift of the Ages. This is why we came here, so it's time to get to work.

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Poverty will only end when we decide that poverty will end and act accordingly, and not one moment before that. It is our creation, and only we can exchange it for something else.

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Those of us on the edge of the evolutionary step taking place are obligated to write down what we came here to communicate, so that those who may pass this way after us can choose correctly. Every day, in every way, we have a choice about what kind of universe we are going to inhabit. We understand intellectally that we have many choices, but yet find ourselves inevitably trapped in situations because we do not believe we have another choice. We need some practice exercising our choice muscles.

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If you can successfully change your circumstance, however slightly, by simply making up your mind that you are going to change your situation, you ultimately begin to see that your choices and direct inputs into every moment of your day open up new possibilities for a new moment, every moment, and the different options begin to fan out in front of you like a deck of playing cards, waiting for you to choose what the very next moment will look like, and then the very next one after that, etc. This can be a little disconcerting at first, and some find it paralyzing. It is actually where our ultimate power lies. And we as individuals need to exercise our choice muscles a little more carefully so that we as a collective can experience the Shift with grace and ease. Because it's happening right now.

Happy Anniversary!

Good Friday marks the second anniversary of moving into my current home. It marked the beginning of a journey that has been absolutely, without a doubt, the most remarkable phase of my adult life. I feel that major change is on the horizon, and is dependent upon the outcome of so many variables concerning my employment status and current litigation against my employer, my new relationship with Dale, and several other things, so trying to predict what may be coming is quite difficult. The only constant through it all is change.

This is the place where I learned to embody Love, to love myself, and to love others unconditionally. I love my apartment - you can't help but call my life here anything other than a smashing success!

Doggy plays keyboard and sings

Is 13 my lucky number?

We have made it to the 13-week mark after my massive low back reconstruction surgery in January. I can say without hesitation that I was most certainly *not* mentally prepared in any way for the sheer brutality of the experience. I was so ready to get some relief from the chronic pain symptoms that I set all expectation aside, and put my trust in the hands of the persons in charge of my care.

One of the things I would have done differently would have been to go to the medical facilities where I stayed, beforehand, and to investigate and to meet the caretakers personally *before* the procedure. The element of surprise is not something you want to have to deal with under that circumstance. I would never have agreed to go into the hospital knowing that it was closing the very next week after my procedure. The specialized care needed in this instance had been dismantled altogether, leaving only a skeleton crew on hand in the hospital ward.

While I was in the hospital, I asked to be moved in the bed at one point late in the evening, but had visitors at the time. I was lying on special orthopedic pads used in back surgeries so that the nurses can simply slide the pads around on the bedding without lifting the patient. In this case, the idiot nurses on duty stood on either side of the bed and LIFTED me using the pads, right along the area of my back where the surgery occurred. Now, the pain before this incident was pretty crazy, and I was pushing that litle morphine button just as fast as I could get my hands on it, with a little help from my friends. But at the moment of this lifting incident, I felt the single most excruciating amount of pain I had ever felt, and frankly, I am surprised that I maintained consciousness. From that moment on, the pain seemed to exponentially increase, and I have not been comfortable again, since.

The pain doctor warned me that physical therapy was going to aggravate the situation, but what I did not expect was that the OTHER parts of my body would begin to hurt from the exercise as well. That gave me an unexpected stumbling block.

Thankfully, today I feel as though I am finally taking a turn for a new direction. The mind-numbing amount of pain is beginning to subside. I have a long way to go before I am successfully rehabilitated into my new level of function. But, wow, what a slow and laborious process!

I cannot skip over the karmic effects of my 15-year career as a claims adjuster coming home to roost. The act of interfering with people's lives all those years, no matter how ethically I tried to do it, made me store way too much emotion and conflict in my body over the years, aggravating my already disabling condition of scoliosis. It is very important that I never ever engage in that type of work again, and that if I ever do return to work, I make sure that it is doing something that makes a positive contribution from my heart-center. Not to mention, I have to love doing it. I don't have any expectation that I will be able to find work in the future, since i would have to disclose my medical condition as a possible issue that would need accommodation and that might affect how I am able to perform my job. Employers scream and run the other way when they see that stuff.

Needless to say, it is not breaking my heart that I have to "drop-out" of the rat race, so to speak, because I want my life to move into a new, more holistic, sustainable, green, and less stressful direction. Getting terminated was not exactly what I had in mind, but it's not like there is any love lost there whatsoever. I was miserable. But it's over!

The other most challenging issue was all the time spent here at home, trying to keep from completely freaking out because of the amount of pain, while the world kept going at its mad pace. Since I cannot keep up, and since I cannot expect the world to slow to my pace, it seemed at times that the hours turned into days turned into weeks at a time where I was just lost in the aether somewhere. The pain kept me from being the least bit interested in "doing" anything to fill the time, although it is my nature to relentlessly explore my inner world incessantly. This was no different, and I am thankful for the time I have had to reflect, to ponder, to consider, and to "clean out the closets" of my mind, so to speak.

I am glad that I am feeling better so that I can sit up and study and read a bit more, and begin to actually take up things that INTEREST me again. I wonder what will happen next?

I think we are in for a great spring and summer with many surprises down the line.

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE.

Dale Pond and vibratory physics

Just saw a most fascinating two hour lecture given in 1994 by Dale Pond. His knowledge of an unlimited number of scientific fields of study just blew me away. This presentation was about a scientist from the 1800's named John Keely. I was also fascinated with how intricately his research in 1994 was tied to what Nassim Harramein has given us with his most recent paper on vortex energy. But most striking was his assertion (in 1994!) that everything is a product of a sympathetic vibration of the One, and that the Universe is musical. Enjoy!

http://www.svpvril.com/

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=9125003792513982191&ei=EEHdSaCAMaaKrQKewsHwAg&q=dale+pond

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5430570751600484561&hl=en

Follow Your Bliss

Click here to go spin the "Follow your Bliss Compass"

All Natural.

May God Bless Dale for rubbing every inch of my skin with jojoba oil from HEAD to TOE, for HOURS tonight. Including my incision and wound area. He is helping me heal. And it is powerful.

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE.

Frankenspine

So there is the pain itself, and then a layer of depression and anger and deep resentment borne out of frustration with the pain...two layers of shit between me and reality. Emotionally, I don't think I could find my way out of a paper bag right now.

I need a pet.