Still way too tense.

Although I can discern that my depression is lifting, I can also tell that I am way too tight and need to relax. I am not sure if it is from fighting pain all the time, or, whether it is because I still have not learned to slow down and breathe and relax even after being off work for 8 months now. I was wound up like a clock!

BREATHE IN. BREATHE OUT.

LOVE TO ALL JUDGMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE.

Success!

Using the technique described in Eliza Mada Dalian's book, Searching for the Miraculous: Healing Into Consciousness, I was able to discern that a physical pain was carrying a thought form and emotion. The idea is to illuminate the thought form so that it can be purged, getting rid of the pain and illness. The thought form was that "I do not want to be me anymore," or, "I want to be someone else." This thought form comes from my very early childhood, which makes it even more interesting, because it suggests that I had somehow from a prior perspective (past life?) chosen my earthly characteristics, and when they did not pan out exactly as I had planned or wanted, I flipped out and recanted my desire to be here. Amazing, awesome stuff! I am even more stoked than ever to continue this work that I started a few months back.

The Guest House - Rumi

"This being human is a guesthouse
Every morning a new arrival
A joy, a depression, a meanness
Some momentary awareness
Comes as an unexpected visitor

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows
Who violently sweep your house
Empty of its furniture
Still treat each guest honorably
He may be cleaning you out
For some new delight!

The dark thought, the shame, the malice
Meet them at the door laughing
And invite them in
Be grateful for whoever comes
Because each has been sent
As a guide from the beyond"

Absolutely Clear - by Khwajeh Shams al-Din Muhammad Hafez Shirazi (1321-1389)

"Don't surrender your loneliness
So quickly.
Let it cut more deep.

Let it ferment and season you
As few human
Or even divine ingredients can.

Something missing in my heart tonight
Has made my eyes so soft,
My voice
So tender,

My need of God absolutely clear."

MERCURY RETRO Healer to the Soul

Mercury retrograde ~ May 6th-30th, 2009

Mercury retrograde is a maintenance period, perfect for revisiting everything one has not gotten to in the last several months. The planet Mercury is associated with the god mercury/ Hermes who is the 'god of the unexpected' and divine coincidences. Hermes/Mercury is the creator of new and sacred spaces.

Mercury retrograde is inevitable regardless of our best-laid plans; we might just get a taste of unexpected luck in a serendipitous coyote medicine type of way. Mercury makes us go to the picnic in the pouring rain and have a great time. It asks us to be fluid in our day and remain flexible, having as many backup plans as it takes. Whenever things seem 'stuck,' Mercury/Hermes introduces fluid movement laced with little chunks of surprise. Mercury retro is all about getting unstuck in thought deed and dreams forgotten.

Mercury in retrograde can be a deep healer of the soul. It asks you to look at what you do not want to address, what you do not want to clear up, what you do not want to heal. The winged messenger sits pondering what he should be doing, what he could be doing, what he was supposed to do. Mercury retrograde is a magical time of slowing down, being made to stop and smell the flowers. It asks you to pay special attention to detail to pay special attention to what is small and minute.

it asks you to address everything that you are afraid of remembering, of becoming, of doing. Call those that you haven't talked to in months or years or decades. Look backwards in time but don't lick your wounds.

Get ready to plant new seeds in your soul. Time beckons you to walk through the past, picture by picture, memory by memory. Having No regrets about who you were or what you did. Allow this mercury retrograde to youth you, to take you back to when you were a child of wonder. Recapture your youth through your memories and then shift those memories into fairy dust and sprinkle it on your life. See the kid in everyone around you and play like your life depends upon it.

As the vibrations of Mercury wrap themselves around you, they will escort you to the land of many knots (nots). In this land of many knots (nots) they ask you to look at what still binds you in your body, what still binds you in your heart, what still binds you in your soul.

Mercury retrograde asks you to look at what you do not want to address, what you do not want to clear up, what you do not want to heal. The winged messenger Mercury has a small limp at this time, as he sits upon a stone beckoning the sacred waters from the healing well to run across his stress lines. He sits there pondering what he should be doing, what he could be doing, what he was supposed to do. The strain upon his winged feet demands he slow in energy, in walk in thought.

Mercury retrograde is a magical time of slowing down, or being made to stop, to smell the flowers of your life. It asks you to pay special attention to detail to pay special attention to what is small and minute. Become as mouse and look closely at what needs to be addressed.

Time beckons you to her side as she walks through the past, picture by picture, memory by memory, thought by thought. The spirit of Time takes you past the fine lines of scrutiny. No bah hum bugs about who you were, what you were or what you did.

Every thread of you is woven into the beautiful tapestry you are now and even if you do not see the beauty reflected in your own eyes, it truly comes as a mirror from Source. Let those around you reflect that beauty with their kindness.

You are a child of God. You are a child of the Universe. Honor yourself as such. Honor yourself those around you in all of their choices. People are enmeshed and immersed in the quick sand of their thoughts. They are not listening and do not hear your woes as theirs internal sound is in Dolby digital surround sound.

Allow this mercury retrograde to youth you, to take you back to when you were a child of wonder, a child of grace. Recapture your youth through your memories and then shift and sift those memories into fairy dust. Youth is first a state of mind, then a state of heart and then a state of body. Allow your body time to catch up with your youthful thoughts. See the kid in everyone around you and play like your life depends upon it - because it does. Youthing gives you life, laughter gives you more life and loving gives you all life.

MERCURY RETRO 2009-2010

January 11-31, 2009
May 6-30, 2009
September 6-29, 2009
December 26, 2009 - January 15, 2010
April 17, 2010 - May 11, 2010
August 20, 2010 - September 12, 2010
December 10-29, 2010

By Gillian MacBeth-Louthan

Timewave Zero - Terence McKenna

Taking a break.

How funny is this? I have stumbled across a teaching by an author that is the same thing that Robert Schienfeld was telling me in his video collection that I watched a few months back. Namely, to not attempt to fix, change, or improve anything, which will then get you into the Divine Flow and allow your energy to interact effortlessly with other energy, thereby easily getting what you want rather than chasing it away.

Also, a theme that I have been stumbling upon over and over again lately, which is to not fear anything, not even death, and to be present in the Now Moment. The fear of disease and death is completely wrapped up together with my smoking habit, and both of them must go.

I think it is time to give myself a break. Mind you, mainly I just feel like hammered shit and want to rest. But, I think it would be better if I began to have a more structured day, with time for walking, sunshine, reading, shopping, cooking, and eating, AND resting. (I have a renewed interest in vegetarian eating again as well, with milk, butter, yogurt, cheese and eggs only, no meat. Since trader Joe's is right behind me, there is plenty of support for an organic vegetarian diet). And water - I have to start putting out 4 bottles of water on the counter every day so that I am reminded to drink lots of it. I will wear the patch and do my damndest to not smoke. Even if I slip, it is far better to not smoke all day and slip once in a while rather than to smoke constantly one after the other.

The universe has provided everything I needed, a good surgeon, the insurance and cash to pay my portion, the income to survive even though I am not working, and the love and support of a boyfriend, some very best friends, and even the kindness of strangers.

I have to stop beating myself up. I will never recover until I do. So, my intent is to not want to fix, change or improve anything or anyone, even my relationships with other people whom I love. They will fix themselves.

Can we all just give ourselves a break, get along, and enjoy the ride? This is my innermost intention.

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE.

Pulsating energy.

Today I became aware of the nature of the pulse of energy as it makes its way down from our sun onto our earth plane, and then into all of the matter on earth, including sentient beings. I perceived the heart to be metaphorically represented by cities across earth, which upon awakening with the sun, pulse with a force that sends the energy rippling through the city streets, followed by the contraction of all beings home again at night - a cycle that matches the heartbeat in the plane just below. Now, if we understand that in each facet of the whole, the whole is represented in its entirety, we begin to identify other mechanisms in the cosmos that mirror their purpose in other planes. For example, each cell of our bodies contain digestive, sensory, excretory, systems and the like to match the systems of our bodies. The cell nucleus is the reproductive system, the mitochondria the stomach, the membrane is the cell's brain or information processing center. So, if a city represents a heartbeat, then what do all the creatures who awaken to find food and then sleep again represent? If the heartbeat of a city is transforming the energy of the sun into motion and emotion on earth, how does a human being fit into this picture? I am going to attempt more connections with my higher self in order that I might gain more insight into this question. Mind you, I have always been completely repulsed by the duality in this dimension, and the whole sleep/wake/eat thing has always not been of interest to me whatsoever, because I somehow also reside in a place where none of that is necessary. Whether that is my higher self or previous life or whatever you want to call it, I fully understand that this is going on as an observer observing both beings from another point of view. It is one of the hallmarks of my existence on this planet from my earliest memories - that the whole of it is shocking, unnecessary, and tiresome from a higher perspective. So I am anxious to fully understand my role in all of this earth plane stuff. I am leaning toward the theory that the human's job is to transform the high frequency of joy from the higher realms and anchor it securely on the planet, which has thus far eluded us, but will rapidly come about. This process is referred to as the Great Shift of the Ages, the Age of Aquarius, etc., so I am anxious to fully understand my role so that I can get on with the business of doing what it is that I came here to do.

Orgasm can be such a life-saver.

Over 20 days of disconnection. (There has got to be a better way to live than this!) But I think I get the picture, finally, about why I have been so distressed. I hope that I will be better able to navigate my way now. I am not saying that it will be easy. And, perfect timing to have this insight right before going to visit the family at home, too. Wonder how it will impact me there.

I lived to be 46.

I never thought it possible.

Many thanks to Jesse and Michael for the evening at my favorite restaurant (Japanese teppanyaki), to Chuck and Anda for preparing the Vietnamese dish Pho, to Benjamin for whipping up a gourmet dinner for 5 on Monday, to Dale for snuggling way close for a day and a half, which helped me uncover the unconscious fear that I do not feel safe in my own body (a chronic pain reaction). Thanks to Michael for the car wash, and the special interest in my well-being. All of you made my birthday pleasant, and all of you continue to make my life bearable when it would otherwise not be. Since I am able to say that I have you near, I am able to say that I have everything that I could possibly need.

Thanks to Matt for chiming in that when he feels helpless to help his boyfriend, all he does is hold him. Sometimes that is the only medicine that is effective.

I'm not a big cake eater, but maybe I should proceed with baking a cake just so that I can have the ritual of blowing out the candles. That might make me feel a bit more connected to the whole situation, instead of feeling that it is somehow incomplete or that I skipped part of it, and then I might be able to finalize it and move on to more healing. I mean everybody wants to blow out the candles, right? I think that is a fine project for this week. I wonder if it will make me feel any better or different.

I am sorry for any transgressions and beg forgiveness. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or to have anyone feeling badly on my account. It's not worth it. It's always best to forgive.

UPDATE: In his typical sweet, thoughtful, generous fashion, Michael brought up a plate of 46 candles and sang Happy Birthday and let me blow out the candles, after I blogged about whether there were any keys to be found to regaining my happiness through tradition and ritual. His desire to "fix" my depression is strong, and his devotion to my friendship touches my heart deeply. I should be crying like a baby with happiness and joy, but cannot access the joy. He is a wonderful friend.

All roads lead to...

Everything I read from astrologers, and from Mayan Astrology, all have the same theme running through the messages. This is an incredibly bumpy time for me, stripping me of everything, so as to give me everything. I guess all I can do is just hold on.

Mayan Astrology for 2009 - speaks to me directly.

In the shadow of Blue Storm, you may even experience feelings of despair and the desire to give up. Be encouraged. You are on the frontier of the unknown! You are in the process of transformation, discovering yourself as new sacred ground. Your feelings are magnified so that you will address them and use this energy to create the ecstasy of freedom. Break through your barriers to union! The totality of this transformation challenges everything in your reality. Surrender all that perpetuates the illusion of separation. Cast these things into the fires of Blue Storm, and your true essence will rise from the ashes transformed.

My Prayer.

Please let me feel enjoyment again.

Please rid me of the feeling of isolation.

Please send someone to hold me tight, morning, afternoon, evening or night.

Benjamin fails.

Benjamin was a good sport and rubbed my back for a little while yesterday, and did not relieve any pain, but had a very long day and wanted to sleep, as he did tonight. He volunteers to make a fancy dinner for everyone, if we can all get together at the same time.

Owl gets his ears scratched.

Benjamin came.

So I met this guy (he is 30 so is hardly a kid) who is bartering companionship and cooking and cleaning in exchange for a couch to sleep on. He is a musician in a play that is going to run in Newport Beach, and lives way in the North Valley. I totally get that - the commute would just be too much for any sane person. And so I am looking for stimulation, right? Why not. Seems nice enough. We'll see.

.

Today Michael came to check on us, and we were still pretty groggy from staying up too late. I went to bed in my bed and Benjamin went to bed in his bed - the couch - I am not sure what Michael was expecting exactly, but it was nothing at all. I went to physical therapy. When I got home, Michael came to see me and we talked for a little bit and ultimately went to the hot tub. I got in and began to stretch. I closed my eyes. I was grabbing the edge of the tub, looking away from its center, directly opposite Michael. I felt as though I was being scanned from head to toe like a computer or something, and that information was being gathered, like I was acting as a collection station and was now reporting the information I have been collecting about physicality, thereby being relieved of that duty. What a relief! But I hope Michael was not taking on my experience. If so, you must discharge it soon! Not hang onto it! The job is done! Let go! It does no good for you to wallow around in my muck, and if you do, it does not help me transcend the muck myself.

.

My heart chakra opened more and more. The water announced its presence and intention to purify me - I love it when that happens. I am not drinking enough water. The water was really hot, so after I stretched, we got out and layed in lounge chairs. We took in the beauty of a magnificent tall tree. I had access to parts of my heart chakra that I do not ordinarily have access to, and this is a pretty regular occurrence when I am in Michael's presence, so it is not new to me, but always blows me away (thank you for this precious gift). I decided I was hungry and we came in and I lied down a minute, thankful for the opportunity to step out of the sheer desperation of my current emotional state, even if only for a little while. I became conscious again of the burning, aching in my center low back. I'll ask Benjamin to caress that area gently, with long strokes, so as to re-route the pain signals - he should be here by 10. That's what he is bartering and that is what I need, right? I can hardly wait. And I am not interested in him sexually, for the record.

.

I was going to make a cheeseburger, but I ate strawberry/banana yogurt with cereal and OJ instead, since this was my first meal. I will make cheeseburgers later for me and Benjamin, unless he decides he wants to do it. I mean, I'm worn out. This ascension business is tough work.

.

I also came up onto the Wall, literally, in my awareness, of the collective belief system and and the crap that goes with separation in this density, which we must overcome to make the leap of consciousness into the next dimension. It's not going to be easy, but we have to think really, really BIG. We are so stuck down here at the ground level swimming in the muck that we cannot see that we could actually make this leap if we played our cards right. I am so ready.

.

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGEMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE.

No, I am not angry, Michael.

I just want to cry, but for some reason cannot.

And you're damned right I am worthy of being touched like a King upon request.

I grew up gay in suburban North Texas, knowing the entire time since I was 2 that men turned me on, and that I had better keep my mouth shut about it.

.

I had a non-affectionate family and extended family, and I never dated girls because I was terrified that they would immediately know and that I would be "outed."

.

I lived through more extensive spinal surgery at age 16 than the one I just had.

.

I lived through life-threatening depression during my 20's that made working while going to college take 10 1/2 years to complete.

.

I lived through working two jobs from November 1993 to September 1999, seven days per week, during the period when my mom had a kidney transplant and then until I moved out of her house after she became self-sufficient again.

.

I lived through moving across the country for a job that promised enough to pay the debts incurred during that period, only to find all my income gobbled up by rent in San Francisco.

.

I lived through having 11 adresses in 9 years since I got to California, trying to find the right job and right place to live.

.

I lived through having my mother almost snatched up from me in an instant in an auto accident, after having devoted my entire young adulthood to her health.

.

I lived through several years of debilitating pain until I found a doctor who would listen to me, which resulted in my recent surgery.

.

I lived through ALL of it single and alone, and still maintained my most decent, honest, caring, loyal, devoted, and loving character traits during it ALL.

.

I deserve to live naked, to be worshipped with hands and tongues, and to be waited on like a King should I so desire. For to love me is to have a loyal, devoted friend who will walk through fire for you for the rest of your life.

.

At the very least, I deserve to finally be free to give and to receive affection from those who claim to love me, something I had never experienced before I moved to California and before I finally learned how to love myself. Loving myself means that I understand that Love is what sustains us, and without it, we are nothing. Love takes nothing and no one for granted, and is completely committed to the well-being of all involved. And touch (with or without sexuality) is the most basic, fundamental physical expression of Love. I involuntarily went without it for 40+ years - far longer than anyone I know ever thought about going without touch. I can't and won't do it anymore. I will not rest until I have the basic daily minimum requirement of touch that it takes to sustain life.

.

Why do you think you are going to Gay Pride on Sunday? To celebrate the ability to wear pink and twirl flags if you want? No! The celebration is because we are fighting for equal rights to be able to FUCK and TOUCH and LOVE who we please. So don't come in my house and tell me that "people do not touch," and that my need for touch is abnormal. That is a LIE. Try to find no couples walking arm-in-arm, or kissing - try not to touch your spouse and every friend you see - I dare you! You won't be able to because TOUCH is the basic primary drive of creation itself at work.

Yet another touchless, hugless day.

What kind of planet *is* this exactly? Torture central?

UPDATE: After Michael came upstairs telling me that he does not understand my need for touch (which I find incredibly ironic coming from a person who has all the touch he could ever need, and he even tried to bring the others in on it and say that I am freaking them out, which I find amazing coming from two couples that go home to bed with each other every night, for several years even), he gave me a hug in exchange for a cigarette. And Jesse came to get him and gave me a hug goodnight. And I recall grabbing Anda's elbows and giving her a small peck when I went downstairs. So I can't write the entire day totally off; only 98.86%.

46 years of singledom.

Jesse won't let me count the first 20. With those thrown out, we are left with 9,490 days and nights (minus the 10 or 15 times Dale has stayed overnight and minus the other 45-60 days I have seen him since September) when I have been denied the simple healing pleasure of touch, the magic of sexuality, the feeling of wholeness that comes from being held and caressed. (I have not forgotten the closeness expressed by my dear loves Jesse and Michael during the past 2 years). My entire existence and memory bank is plagued with the emotions that accompany my failure to secure the pleasure of touch for myself. I am told that I have to continue to stuff these emotions, but am offered no method for replacing them. Jesse suggested to rely on my tribe and other online friends, but last I checked, they are not able to touch or hold me.

.

If I am unable to secure healing touch from my loved ones, whether it is because they are unavailable logistically due to travel for work (in the case of Dale), or whether it is because simply lying on the couch and being held (without sexual activity as part of the equation) is considered inappropriate by my friends who are straight, or partnered, this leaves me with one option - casual sex with perfect strangers. Even if I had the time, money, and energy to invest in bar-hopping and bath house visitations, is it possible to find touch of the quality that might heal my emotions in these scenarios? My experiences from age 20 to 40 say no, it is not.

.

It looks like the forseeable future holds no solution to this problem, and no overnight pleasures of snuggling. But does that have to mean I settle for nothing at all? What I would give for just 10 minutes per day of lying in the arms of someone who loved and valued me. Hell, every OTHER day. That might at least begin to give me new emotions to replace those that line the hallways of the last 26 (46 altogether) years of my memory banks. But, this seems to be out of reach as well, and considered "needy." Wouldn't you have 10 minutes to hug and hold someone that you love, if you thought that it might make enough of a difference to them to be able to change from feeling worthless, rejected, and alone, to feeling more whole?

.

As always, Computer says, "No."

What can I DO to fix this hole in my heart?

I am surrounded by Love. I know this. I am seeing a wonderful guy who is an angel. I have the best friends you could ask for living right nearby. I have an extended network of people Statewide who are on my side. How can I shift so that these positive things begin to overshadow the depression? How can I finally release my ego desire to control the outcome of companionship and the expression of Love? How can I begin to live the romance that I have surrounding me? What's in the way? Pain? The stress of too much change, too soon, too fast? I am supposed to be in charge of this bus. Right? Can I forgive myself?

Would you be willing to open your heart to me? Completely? And allow me to do the same? It's the only way to heal and live fully freely. And if I can't have a romance with you, will you act and allow me to act romantically anyway? Do you have the guts to believe that my intentions might actually be pure? Boy, girl, young, old, we could all use a little more romance, in my estimation.

May 2009 Divine Alignment

Your minds search high and low for the path of liberation. . .
The concise trajectory that you can travel to be truly free in all ways.
The truth is, there is no such path to be found.
You are a hologram of All That Is, everything exists within you.
Your activity of seeking the path of liberation actually limits you in experiencing and knowing what already is.
The more still you can become within your being. . .
The more clearly you will know and experience the most expansive aspects of who you are in truth.
It is there, in that most expanded place of pure essence. . .
Where you and I have no defining boundaries. . . we are One.
Surrender into our essence and consider yourself liberated NOW.

Divine Self via Simeon Chiron Nartoomid
http://www.spiritheart.org/ascension/simeon.htm

What do I do? How can I overcome the depression that I awaken with each day?

How can I change the feeling of being alone, unwanted, and ignored? For I know that these things are not true. And yet I feel them! There they are, every morning when I awaken! I am able to witness the feelings as an impartial observer, and can see them come and go. I understand that the feelings are not who I am. I understand that they are rooted in and connected to my negative assessment of my single status as a reflection of my worth. I also understand that each time I go to bed alone and wake up alone reinforces the assessment.

.

So, where does the problem lie? Where is the hole in the endless loop thought pattern? What action can I take to change my outer experience? If I am not able to change my outer experience, how I do disconnect the experience from my assessment of my worth? How do I reconnect with my Joy, or refuse to allow my outer experience to separate me from my Joy?

.

I am going to take a nap and meditate on my earliest memories, to try to locate the origin of my distinct feelings of separation, of being different, alone, outcast, rejected, for there must be a key to this puzzle somewhere. Please let there be a key.

.

Or maybe I will use rent boy.com to find someone willing to hold me tight at night?

.

UPDATE: My naptime review of early memories revealed the following:

I always hated getting a haircut, because I always wanted it to transform me into looking different, but it never did. I can remember one haircut in my entire life that made me feel attractive. My father resented having children. I remember the same feeling of disconnect, of rejection that I have now, all the way back before pre-school, and have never found a way to eridcate it. I always envisioned myself being married (to a man, of course), and I always envisioned that this would eradicate my feeling of worthlessness. Every effort I ever made to get an education and a career, etc. was so that I could be able to find that partner. But, no marriage, no partner, no eradication. I am fucking sick (literally - it is making me physically ill) of going to bed and waking up alone, and am not sure how much longer I can continue.

Eye candy.

OHLALA online mag.

http://josephbleu.blogspot.com/

Did I tell you lately...

...how much I love you? If you are reading this, know that it is true.

The reason I can stand my suffering is because I get to be with you and touch you and hold you.

Your love sustains me, because I feel it in my heart. All of you.

Palm Springs vacation/brain reset button.

The pain doctor agreed that I was getting too depressed, and seconded my motion that I take a week off from physical therapy, to go get some sun and relaxation in the desert. So I went to my favorite resort in Palm Springs, where I have been going for 7 years, the Triangle Inn.

It is a very lush and tropical place, with 9 apartments, a pool and a hot tub.

The apartments are tastefully decorated, but have the original 1950's bathroom and kitchen fixtures.

I have to say that I like it just as much or more than my current apartment.

Can't you just see my multi-colored dining room table in this spot?

I am not sure about the glass dining table, I mean it is a nude resort after all, and wouldn't the visual access to the entire bodies just be a distraction? LOLOL

With a view like this, who needs art on the walls?

Across from my door was this lovely fountain...

...where Senor Frog had taken up residence. He was only 1 inch long, but boy was he loud.

He sang and sang all night every night, but never found a friend. (I know that song well!)

I would fall out of bed in the morning and into a chaise lounge by the pool.

The view of San Jacinto Mountain was spectacular.

On the 4th day the wild roadrunner showed up begging for food.

He nests in the pine tree out front and runs down off the roof onto this I-beam, waiting for meal delivery.

And Steven, one of the owners, complies with stew meat.

I was able to reset the button in my brain somewhat, and have a better outlook than I did before I went. I was very happy that Dale surprised me by showing up for part of the weekend, and I wish that my friends had been able to join me for this most relaxing time in paradise. I missed them dreadfully, and was glad to return home to their open arms. I could tell that they missed me, too!

Steven was telling me that the week before, a masturbation group rented the entire house next door (which is also part of the Triangle Inn resort) and had a week-long gooning party. That sounds like my kind of people, and I hope to make the next event.

I am in favor of open masturbation, which could be viewed as just another fun social activity, instead of hiding in shame, but always wondered where the like-minded peeps were. This viewpoint is considered radical by some. Ask and ye shall receive I guess! It's hot and sexy, it's harmless (from the disease standpoint), and it's fun. Besides, it releases natural endorphins and I need all the help with pain control that I can get.

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE.

Wishing everyone lots of Love.

I returned from vacation to find more love here than when I left. Can you believe it? I hope that everyone is feeling the same.

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE.

The Moon is REALLY full.

Beware of energy disturbances, and things that are not as they seem. Beware of entities coming through the veil. Confusion.