Taking a break.

How funny is this? I have stumbled across a teaching by an author that is the same thing that Robert Schienfeld was telling me in his video collection that I watched a few months back. Namely, to not attempt to fix, change, or improve anything, which will then get you into the Divine Flow and allow your energy to interact effortlessly with other energy, thereby easily getting what you want rather than chasing it away.

Also, a theme that I have been stumbling upon over and over again lately, which is to not fear anything, not even death, and to be present in the Now Moment. The fear of disease and death is completely wrapped up together with my smoking habit, and both of them must go.

I think it is time to give myself a break. Mind you, mainly I just feel like hammered shit and want to rest. But, I think it would be better if I began to have a more structured day, with time for walking, sunshine, reading, shopping, cooking, and eating, AND resting. (I have a renewed interest in vegetarian eating again as well, with milk, butter, yogurt, cheese and eggs only, no meat. Since trader Joe's is right behind me, there is plenty of support for an organic vegetarian diet). And water - I have to start putting out 4 bottles of water on the counter every day so that I am reminded to drink lots of it. I will wear the patch and do my damndest to not smoke. Even if I slip, it is far better to not smoke all day and slip once in a while rather than to smoke constantly one after the other.

The universe has provided everything I needed, a good surgeon, the insurance and cash to pay my portion, the income to survive even though I am not working, and the love and support of a boyfriend, some very best friends, and even the kindness of strangers.

I have to stop beating myself up. I will never recover until I do. So, my intent is to not want to fix, change or improve anything or anyone, even my relationships with other people whom I love. They will fix themselves.

Can we all just give ourselves a break, get along, and enjoy the ride? This is my innermost intention.

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE.