What do I do? How can I overcome the depression that I awaken with each day?

How can I change the feeling of being alone, unwanted, and ignored? For I know that these things are not true. And yet I feel them! There they are, every morning when I awaken! I am able to witness the feelings as an impartial observer, and can see them come and go. I understand that the feelings are not who I am. I understand that they are rooted in and connected to my negative assessment of my single status as a reflection of my worth. I also understand that each time I go to bed alone and wake up alone reinforces the assessment.

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So, where does the problem lie? Where is the hole in the endless loop thought pattern? What action can I take to change my outer experience? If I am not able to change my outer experience, how I do disconnect the experience from my assessment of my worth? How do I reconnect with my Joy, or refuse to allow my outer experience to separate me from my Joy?

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I am going to take a nap and meditate on my earliest memories, to try to locate the origin of my distinct feelings of separation, of being different, alone, outcast, rejected, for there must be a key to this puzzle somewhere. Please let there be a key.

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Or maybe I will use rent boy.com to find someone willing to hold me tight at night?

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UPDATE: My naptime review of early memories revealed the following:

I always hated getting a haircut, because I always wanted it to transform me into looking different, but it never did. I can remember one haircut in my entire life that made me feel attractive. My father resented having children. I remember the same feeling of disconnect, of rejection that I have now, all the way back before pre-school, and have never found a way to eridcate it. I always envisioned myself being married (to a man, of course), and I always envisioned that this would eradicate my feeling of worthlessness. Every effort I ever made to get an education and a career, etc. was so that I could be able to find that partner. But, no marriage, no partner, no eradication. I am fucking sick (literally - it is making me physically ill) of going to bed and waking up alone, and am not sure how much longer I can continue.