"I hope the exit is joyful, and hope never to return." Frida Kahlo

What a ridiculous treat to see Selma Hayek's masterpiece again, "Frida." Alone. It was much like seeing myself in the mirror. I did it intentionally to get myself in the right frame of mind to deal with my upcoming back surgery. I have great instincts. I am so glad I listened to myself this time.

I am so glad that she left us her legacy concerning her struggle with chronic pain, though exceedingly dark. The beautiful depiciton of her romance with Diego Rivera, wherein she healed her self-perception of being "damaged goods" and a "burden" to her family really knocked my socks off. When Trotsky told her that the reason her art was so powerful was because it expressed what everybody felt inside, that they were alone and in pain, I wept. I wept a lot during this movie.

At the end of the scene where the doctor is cutting her out of a body cast, when it is finally removed, and she falls into her own arms trying to become oriented in her body, I wept. However magical it felt when the cast was removed, I know from experience that you never regain your orientation inside a body that has been through what hers had. You adapt.

I wept seeing her drink, and smoke, and enduring injections of drugs to quiet relentless attacks of pain, which never made it go away completely. I know the comfort that she sought.

I wept when I saw Diego's love for her transform him from a ruthless womanizer to a tender caretaker. I need caretaking now, and I have been a caretaker, too.

I wept when I read her immortal words again, "I hope the exit is joyful, and hope never to return." I wept because I no longer feel that way.

I wept because I love my life so much that I would endure anything to keep it.

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However much it is possible for one heart to love; that bursting heart belongs to ME.

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Anyone who might search for a way to assist me during the upcoming ride may simply want to sit down, crawl beside me, hug me, touch me, and kiss me, to make me remember how much I love you. That's all I need, really.

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That's all any of us needs.

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In Lak'esh

(I am another yourself)