11/28/08. Dale visiting. Could not get comfortable in the bed no matter what. Smoked hash. Became aware of a new level of anxiety to release. Dale makes me vibrate very fast; there is no room for anything in our relationship except the most authentic, Be Here Now presence. It is remarkable. This, coupled with Michael and Jesse and Linda, means that now I prefer to have nothing less than this in all my relationships.
Michael and Jesse are the reason that I was able to grow enough to hold this high frequency, which then allowed Dale to happen to me. I wonder if they really understand how much they mean to me? I wonder if I will be able to have an equally profound effect on their lives?
So I am in bed, with Dale, and I totally leave my body. Now I am spontaneously able to see myself interdimensionally. Astral travel cannot be far off now. Had strong urge to write. Managed first journal entry in bedside booklet.
I am supposed to be documenting my pain and loss of function. At this point, everything hurts from the waist down. I can no longer trust that I will be able to be on my feet, and had an "I have to lie down right now on the spot" attack at Maryann's Thanksgiving dinner. Yikes! I am stiff, sore, achey in a burning kind of way. I have minimal colon function and require high enemas (and have for quite some time). I can't bear to stand, walk, sit or lie for any period of time now, unless I am totally fucked up (all on legally prescribed meds, mind you). I am beginning to be unable to handle the basic minimum of keeping up my apartment. I am no longer shopping and cooking, as the standing, walking and carrying is just too much. And I am struggling to simply get my physical needs met (hot baths, showers, hot tub, stretching, grooming, etc).
Through all of this struggle, I continue to be amazed at the profound awareness I am gaining, and the amount of Love bubbling up from my heart.
Deeply.
Endlessly.
Love.
What a high vibration, indeed.
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