Saturday, December 6, 2008

All my angels were on duty today.

Angel Chuck woke me up to tell me that he had left his shoes here. Angel Raffy Chan, asian man, came and got the old furniture today to make room for the new. Angel Howie helped him, but we learned that Angel Howie fucked up his knee at work and he is probably going to have surgery - so he and I can sit and be surgical bitches together LOL. I finished DVD 6 of Journey to the Infinite. I like it a lot. I got rid of my headace, but only after I pooped green. WTF? I finally broke down and bought Claritin-D because part of the headache is sinus pressure.
.
Angel Dale came home from a trip and promptly went to bed so he can take care of me this weekend. Angel Jesse came home from a trip too, and he and Angel Michael were snuggling up in hibernation downstairs. I took an evening nap, and awoke from a very lucid dream, wherein Angel Michael was snuggled up around me as though he was protecting me, in a big white fluffy quilt or something. He is one of my guardian angels, always with me, but the lifelike quality of the dream made it a bit unnerving to awaken and find him not there. (A core fear - that I lose him, or any of my angels).
.
Since I was flying solo, I decided to go to the Tin Lizzie, but it was so full of 20-somethings I immediately gave that up. Angel Alexa called an I went to take her to buy an enema bag like the one I got in Palm Springs, since she suffers with plugged-up guts like I do. She got me some candles and stuff for Christmas and made me open them on the spot.

Angel Howie turned on my iTunes and this song popped up - and how perfect.
..
All of my angels have to know - there it is - my core fear - that I will lose you.
.
I would die without you.
.
I invite and desire each of you to dance with me, and rest your head on my shoulder, as we sink into this BEAUTIFUL song.
.
Is it my turn to wish you were lying here.
I tend to dream you when I'm not sleeping.
Is it my turn to fictionalize my world.
Or even imagine your emotions.
I tell myself anything...
.
Is it my turn to hold you by your hands.
Tell you I love you and you not hear me...
Is it my turn to totally understand.
To watch you walk out of my life and not do a damn thing...
.
(chorus)
If I have to give away...
The feeling that I feel.
If I have to sacrifice...
Oh, whatever babe, whatever baby.
If I have to take apart...
All that I am...
Is there anything that I would not do, cause inside
I'd die without you...
.
Oh, I apologize for all the things I've done.
But now I'm underwater and I'm drowning...
Is it my turn to be the one to cry.
Isn't it amazing how some things just completely turn around...
So take every little piece of my heart...
So take every little piece of my soul...
So take every little bitty piece of my mind...
cause if you're gone...
inside...
I'd die without you...

2 comments:

david said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
david said...

My God. I did not realize how true this really was, nor forsee the shocking way it was presented to me. Without their love, I would die, or at least it would feel like dying.