Written to a friend...

Earlier today, I attended a lecture by the esteemed physicist, Nassim Haramein, whose mathematical model of the Universe and its fractal nature consolidates every single thing I have been studying relentlessly for YEARS, including the religious, philosphical, metaphysical, and esoteric subjects. Immediately I thought of your question to me, whether there was hope for a "conservative Catholic," who had found many "disappointments," which I did not know quite how to answer at the time. Consider this: you and I were both produced in the same environment in North Texas. Intrinsically, you are most certainly capable of finding the answers you seek, just as I did.

My journey (in this fractal that is my life, which includes the characteristic of being gay), began during my earliest memories when I recognized the logical error posed by the teachings of the church that I attended during childhood, which were that my experience of being homosexual (one of my earliest memories) did not "jive" with what I was hearing from the church and the society at large. My quest began at that young age to somehow communicate to people that "it is not really that way AT ALL," and I am thankful that there are MANY people on the planet at this time who "get it." Now, I would never ever belittle or be condescending to anyone's religion, but rather challenge people to question, and to do the research for themselves, instead of simply accepting someone's "interpretation" of, and therefore teachings about, reality. I recognize that we must all allow each other to exist in the space and at whatever level that each of us in currently in, much like we were talking about a parent being unable to override a child's free will. This is taught to us on the macrocosmic scale in that our relationship with God is the same - unconditional. That is where the A.D.- era teachings about homosexuality falls apart.

This subject is such a small part of the nature of the duality in which we are immersed, wherein each of our fractal existences (each a part of the Whole of consciouness), have been designed to make us think that we are unique individuals. All of my decades of research has led me to the same conclusion that Nassim has reached - that is, that we are all directly connected to Source, or to God, or to the One, which intrinsically means that we are all connected to each other and to all beings.

This is the basis for my eventual rejection of the Judeo-Christian model in which I was raised. I do *not* however, mean to imply that it has no value. All recorded religions have value, even though most of us would agree that most every religion that we see contain individual teachings that are not in harmony with the greater religious concepts of the religion from where the teachings arise (let's choose the Muslim infidel as an example, the caricature that is a stark contrast to the idea that Islam professes to be a holy belief system). I believe that the reasons that these inconsistencies are present is due to human interpretation that is flawed, rather than finding that the religion in which the inconsistency exists is invalid, or is of no value. They all have value. But none of them individually reconciled my experience as a human, who is just as directly connected to Source as is any other human, with the teachings of my church that this was not the case.

I want you to know how privileged I feel to have a willing audience for me to express this to, and that I value and respect your understandings, opinions, and feelings just as if they were my own. In this way, my intention is to provide a loving mirror in which you can clearly see your own reflection. It is within the context of these unconditionally loving relationships that we begin to find the truth about life, about reality, about ourselves - a truth that is distorted if unconditional love is not present.
Thank you for giving me the attention and the time to read this, and my greatest hope is that it is received as intended, which is as an invitation to explore those things that you told me you found "disappointing." If you are not simply ecstatic and electrified to be alive, I invite you to find your inner spark. Every atom in our bodies is produced by protons and neutrons spinning around each other AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT. The Light is INSIDE us.
With much love,
your humble servant
dave