I shall pet you now - from Cute Overload.com

Cat and parrot

I live in Orange County and my world has been turned upside down.

In 10 days, I will have yet another major back surgery that will leave me as one fused piece of bone from the pelvis to T1. I will be able to move my arms, shoulders, legs, and turn my head from side to side and extend my neck in every direction. Those are the only motions I will enjoy. No twisting, bending, in any direction.

I anticipate that I will be terminated from my job. No love lost there. I have a discrimination lawsuit pending, among other things. I'll have EDD for a year, and I have a pending claim for permanent disability with Social Security. I resigned myself to the fact that after that, if I do not find other sources of income, that my standard of living will decrease immeasurably. I harbor no delusions about obtaining what I need from the systems currently in place, for they are designed to *not* provide for our needs. We can observe these dysfunctional systems collapsing right before our eyes.

Love is All There Is.

I've said it before. I'll say it again. Love is All There Is.

Anything else is the pain of illusion born of separation.

There is no "other."

We are merely fractals of consciousness, looking at itself.

Unconditional love for self and others is the path out.

No hierarchy. No attachment to form.

Our judgment of emotions, separating them into a "good" pile and a "bad" pile, is a deception. All feelings are equal. They are merely fractal facets of All That Is.

And Love is All There Is.

Nothing is real, except Love. Everything is merely perfect Love and Support in disguise.

We came here to remember this and to bust the systems of illusion, separation, and lack.

Our relentless pursuit of Love outside ourselves is a distraction from what Is.

Love is All There Is.

I remember.

Merry Christmas!

Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas full of Love and Laughter and Joy! I have all these things and more; friends who love me and make me feel that I belong, a wonderful home full of warmth, a lover who is a mirror of my soul. These are the things I cherish, for there was a time when I had none of them. Such precious gifts! GRAB SOMEONE NEAR AND HUG THEM TIGHT!!!

I just have to know if others score as highly on the perv scale as I did. I'm 100% perv - I admit it!

http://www.gotoquiz.com/are_you_a_pervert_2

http://www.youthink.com/quiz.cfm?action=go_detail&sub_action=take&obj_id=582&take_again=yes

http://www.quiztron.com/tests/much_of_a_pervert_an_quiz_79658.htm

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/365191/pervert_test/

The connection between forgiving ourselves and being present in the Eternal Now Moment

Even if you are not particularly sensitive to your own experience of the Human Condition, you can probably still identify things in your every life that you beat yourself up over, regret, or otherwise berate yourself for doing/thinking/feeling. We are all stuck in behavior patterns that were formed early on in an attempt to get our needs met when they were not. We even participate in elaborate stories or games with others in an attempt to seek external validation, or "strokes." We substitute the sustenance obtained by the "strokes" for actual physical contact, which is essential for survival, and which we are ultimately deprived of by our parents somewhere along the way. Whether or not we are ever able to consciously observe ourselves in these mini-dramas, or whether we are never able to separate ourselves from the viewpoint of the participant in the drama, guess what? We are all taking part in the dramas.

It would seem, therefore, that the age-old conventional wisdom about our need to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings is necessary. None of us are free from the limitations that being human entails, and none of us need suffer the agony of refusing to forgive ourselves for simply existing and for trying to get our needs met.

By doing so, we are then able to step back into the Now Moment, and are free to enjoy the stimulation, excitement, and comfort that are available to us and to our loved ones during each moment that we are able to share together, and during each moment that we are only sharing with ourselves.

So go ahead - forgive yourself for something that's been eating you. Then give yourself a hug, and be sure to give your loved ones a hug next time you spend a moment with them. It is much easier to give others permission to be human when we have given ourselves permission to be human, faults and all.

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE

Gimme some-a-DAT

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1100584/Commander-briefs-Obama-shows-war-chest-holiday-Hawaii.html

Well he's head and shoulders prettier than Bush

Jesse and Neal at a staff meeting...

I have Love Addiction...

...that is interfering with some of my friendships. So I have to fill this hole in my heart with something substantial enough to prop me up on my own. Another childhood drama brought to you by Dysfunctional Families, Inc.

Sunday 12/21/08 - First Day of Winter

Hang on everybody, only a couple of days remain until we begin moving back into longer days and more light. December is always a most challenging month. I always say, "Good Riddance" when it is over.

What we need around here is a good laugh.

A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."

He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right." To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Fine," she says, "Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break." "I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!"

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Honey, how'd this all get fixed?"

She said, "Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either screw him or bake him a cake." He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"

She replied, "Hellooooo... Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"

A Definition of Unconditional Love

http://sanfrancisco.tribe.net/listing/A-DEFINITION-OF-UNCONDITIONAL-LOVE/san-francisco-ca/18135125-4ac6-4b03-b58a-7fb4fe63a26d

by Sandy Stevenson

I love as you are as you seek to find your own special way to relate to the world, or the way you feel that is right for you. It is important that you are the person you want to be and not someone that I or others think you should be. I realize that I cannot know what is best for you although perhaps sometimes I think I do. I've not been where you have been, viewing life from that angle you have, I do not know what you have chosen to learn how you have chosen to learn it with whom or in what time period. I have not walked life looking through your eyes so how can I know what you need. I allow you to be in the world without a thought or word of judgment from me about the deeds you undertake. I see no error in the things you say and do, in this place where I am. I see that there are many ways to perceive and experience the different facets of our world. I allow without reservation the choices you make in each moment. I make no judgment of this for if I were to deny your right to evolution than I would deny that right to myself and all others. To those who would choose a way I cannot walk, while'st I may not choose to add my power and my energy to this way, I will never deny you the gift of love that God has bestowed within me for all creation, as I love you so I shall be loved, as I sow, so I shall reap. I allow you the universal right of free will to walk your own path, creating steps or to sit a while if that is what is right for you. I will make no judgment of these steps, whether they are large or small, nor light or heavy or that they lead up or down, for this is just my viewpoint. I see you do nothing and judge it to be unworthy and yet it may be that you bring great healing as you stand blessed by the light of God. I cannot always see the higher picture of divine order. For it is the inalienable right of all life to choose their own evolution and with great love I acknowledge your right to determine your future. In humility I bow to the realization that the way I see is best for me does not have to mean that it is also right for you. I know that you are led as I am following the inner excitement to know your own path. I know that the many races, religions, customs, nationalities and beliefs within our world bring us great richness and allow us the benefit of teachings of such diversedness. I know we each learn in our own unique way in order to bring that love and wisdom back to the whole. I know that if there were only one way to do something there would need to be only one person. I will not only love you if you behave in a way I think you should, or believe in those things I believe in, I understand you are truly my brother and sister though you may have been born in a different place and believe in another God than I. The love I feel is for all of Gods world. I know that every living thing is part of God and I feel a love deep with every person, and all tree, and flower, every bird, river, ocean and for all the creatures in all the world. I live my life in loving service being the best me I can becoming wiser in the perfection of divine truth, becoming happier in the joy of unconditional love.

touch me

hours turn into days

since we last touched

and my longing deepens

to feel your skin again

comfort finds its way

into my heart

knowing that you will soon return

to my open arms

I remember that

friendship and love

can reach across

time and space

but nothing

can console me

like the kiss of your lips

on my face

From Nick in the UK on tribe

"Without other people you wouldn't know how beautiful you are... the only eyes you cannot see are your own... yet you see them everytime you are reflected in another you."

That's why it feels as though I am looking at myself when I see you, through the eyes of this other costume that I wear named Dave.

There is no Other.

We are One.

Synch!

Jennifer Carbonell - "Broken Pieces"- F&L Mix

A beautiful song that I first heard tonight, where the singer is begging to "love you over and over again, to find the broken pieces..." (of her heart/self/soul).

So, a simple thank you to those who help me with the seemingly endless task of finding my broken pieces. Apparently, they are all over the place LOL!

I AM the luckiest man alive.

No kidding.

And I am very grateful.

Even though I am feeling very broken these days, and very broken-hearted.

I just want to feel good again someday.

I want to live and laugh and love, not hurt and toss and turn, and have to try to escape being in my body all the time.

One more month.

I feel so crazy right now.

Sooooooooooooooo, David finds out he has abandonment fears and issues.

The past few days have been a bit of a rollercoaster, as ascension tends to be, as we get closer and closer to our authentic selves. Each time we get skilled at operating a a new level of joy, the oscillation returns, giving us an opportunity to purge ever more of the programming that holds us back from our natural State of Bliss. My personal purge this week involved recognizing some feelings that are like abandonment fears, sort of. It is actually rooted in childhood, when my feelings were always discounted, and when I was not allowed to express my feelings. Then, moving into adulthood and always being single, this grew into having no one to express my feelings to. Now that I am fortunate enough to have amazing friends and a new love interest, the fear arose that I might one day not have them anymore. YIKES! That was awful, and I am so glad I get to be aware of this now and work it out of my consciousness.

Therapy is no substitute for the clear mirror that loving relationships provide, which I constantly tell those who love me. Inching ever away from separation consciousness -

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE

I did not like my last post or the way it came across.

The current round of ascension clearing is BRUTAL, and is forcing us to look or core fears in the eye. REMEMBER, THERE IS NO SEPARATION - REMEMBER THAT WE ARE LOVE, AND THAT WE MUST LOVE EACH OTHER UNCONDITIONALLY - BY DOING THIS, WE CAN OVERCOME ANYTHING.

"Milk"

I was fortunate enough to see "Milk" this weekend. It was superb. I asked a friend what it must have been like to live in those days, at that time, in that place, free from the fear of having sex and of contracting disease. I was surprised how fast the answer came, and how brutal it was. I would have had my heart broken. Over, and over again.

All my angels were on duty today.

Angel Chuck woke me up to tell me that he had left his shoes here. Angel Raffy Chan, asian man, came and got the old furniture today to make room for the new. Angel Howie helped him, but we learned that Angel Howie fucked up his knee at work and he is probably going to have surgery - so he and I can sit and be surgical bitches together LOL. I finished DVD 6 of Journey to the Infinite. I like it a lot. I got rid of my headace, but only after I pooped green. WTF? I finally broke down and bought Claritin-D because part of the headache is sinus pressure.

.

Angel Dale came home from a trip and promptly went to bed so he can take care of me this weekend. Angel Jesse came home from a trip too, and he and Angel Michael were snuggling up in hibernation downstairs. I took an evening nap, and awoke from a very lucid dream, wherein Angel Michael was snuggled up around me as though he was protecting me, in a big white fluffy quilt or something. He is one of my guardian angels, always with me, but the lifelike quality of the dream made it a bit unnerving to awaken and find him not there. (A core fear - that I lose him, or any of my angels).

.

Since I was flying solo, I decided to go to the Tin Lizzie, but it was so full of 20-somethings I immediately gave that up. Angel Alexa called an I went to take her to buy an enema bag like the one I got in Palm Springs, since she suffers with plugged-up guts like I do. She got me some candles and stuff for Christmas and made me open them on the spot.

Angel Howie turned on my iTunes and this song popped up - and how perfect.

..

All of my angels have to know - there it is - my core fear - that I will lose you.

.

I would die without you.

.

I invite and desire each of you to dance with me, and rest your head on my shoulder, as we sink into this BEAUTIFUL song.

.

Is it my turn to wish you were lying here.

I tend to dream you when I'm not sleeping.

Is it my turn to fictionalize my world.

Or even imagine your emotions.

I tell myself anything...

.

Is it my turn to hold you by your hands.

Tell you I love you and you not hear me...

Is it my turn to totally understand.

To watch you walk out of my life and not do a damn thing...

.

(chorus)

If I have to give away...

The feeling that I feel.

If I have to sacrifice...

Oh, whatever babe, whatever baby.

If I have to take apart...

All that I am...

Is there anything that I would not do, cause inside

I'd die without you...

.

Oh, I apologize for all the things I've done.

But now I'm underwater and I'm drowning...

Is it my turn to be the one to cry.

Isn't it amazing how some things just completely turn around...

So take every little piece of my heart...

So take every little piece of my soul...

So take every little bitty piece of my mind...

cause if you're gone...

inside...

I'd die without you...