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So basically the logic processor has run out of ideas, can't mix up the stories any more than it already has, and therefore has Hit the Proverbial Wall. The experiences that I wish to have depend on the participation of others, over whom I have no control. So what I elect to do or not do, is irrelevant. So this is a major thing I have to look at here - so as to have the ability to recognize and admit to myself that I am not on control of these desired experiences.
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In so doing, I would hope that I would be able to more easily move "downstream," as Abraham Hicks call it, and go with the natural flow, instead of fighting it the entire time, or trying to go "upstream."
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Now, this is going to take some strength, but let's examine the benefits. By coming to terms with and being able to accept many things that I constantly fight and wish to remove from my experience, my focus would move away from those things, and Abraham also says that this means that those things would then naturally move out of my existence. I would be getting the desired result without expending so much energy. And that would be a good thing. But it means that I am going to be looking at judgments that I have and other personality issues that are not comfortable to look at - none of us wants to confront our dark sides and admit their presence. But if can keep forgiveness at the center of the exercise, both of self and of others, the acceptance process with flow more easily. This I know from direct experience.
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So, rather than sit here and listen to the logic wheels spinning in my head, going nowhere, making me miserable, I suppose this is my next level of self-improvement showing me the path to follow. I want to stay on track. So, I have to figure out what is going to be the structure of this exercise. Do I list the things I would like to change or the experiences that I would like to have, and then work on assessing what are the control issues I have concerning them? On what it is that I have not accepted, and the ways that I am beating myself up for being unable to control/change the situations? That is sort of the direction, but I don't want to get focused on how I despise my current experience, or get stuck on thinking about what is "missing," or what I dislike. Of course, this is about releasing those things, so I have to figure out how to examine them without getting stuck and focusing on the wrong things. Let's see if I can practice one and demonstrate to myself what I mean so that I can refer to it later:
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Let's start with the basic premise that is being taught in metaphysics these days, that "you create your own reality." I can understand that we may enter into soul contracts, both as individuals and in groups, to play different roles in the polarity integration game. Got that part. But I have been having a hard time wrapping my head around situations that totally depend on the participation and behavior of another person, of course over which we have no control. So I am totally not being able to reconcile in my head that idea that I am supposed to be able to"create" someone who loves me, who I love in return, or how I am "creating" the strained relationship between say, my sister and the rest of the family. I do not wish the situations to be the way they are currently, but nothing I attempt to do fails to change the circumstances, so I just don't get it that this is my "creation."
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So, I have to be able to come to terms with and to accept that I feel as though I have no control over and am not creating these situations. And I have to be able to accept that it might very well be true that I am, but just don't understand the mechanics of it yet. This means, finally, being able to accept that there are things that I might just not be able to change or to accomplish or to experience in this life. Like being in love. Or seeing my sister find happiness and stop taking it out on everyone around her. So that means accepting that I am NOT in love and that I might never be. And that I might go to my grave wishing my sister had stopped hating all of us. And herself. And none of this is what I want. WTF?
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So, what, do I have to sit and meditate on all these situations and allow myself to actually FEEL the crummy emotions that are going to accompany looking at these awful situations, so that I can move through them and onto acceptance? THIS IS GOING TO SUCK.
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I sure do miss my Orange County crew. I'll have to look at accepting the fact that I miss them so much and that I fear that I will not find anymore friends with that strong a connection ever again. That really spooks me. So many years elapsed between the time I had friendships in high school and after that fell by the wayside, and between the time I found my Orange County crew, and it really upsets me to think that that many years or more might elapse before I find more like-minded peeps with whom to interact daily. I gotta accept so many different things, that I can't control other people, their choices, the ways that their choices affect me, how my choices affect others, allowing my experience of my present moment be tarnished by these emotions of lack and isolation etc., so I am going to be a busy person. Being a lightworker is hard work, letting the light into all these deep dark recesses of your mind and in this reality. I NEED STRENGTH AND SHOULDERS TO LEAN ON.
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"I INTEND, TO ALLOW MYSELF TO BE THE FULLEST EXPRESSION OF LOVE THAT I AM, IN EACH MOMENT!" - me
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Blessings to everyone, I hope you are having a wonderful summer, I hope that your dreams are coming true, and I hope that you can create miracles now as we watch society as we know it collapse before our very eyes. Which is not altogether a bad thing. LOL!
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"LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE."- me
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