Thursday, June 17, 2010

Just say no to Guilt.

Apparently, it causes all sorts of depression and psychosomatic illnesses.

I don't want to do guilt anymore.

I didn't even realize its hold on me until just now.

Yikes.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

"You’ve Got a Friend"

http://www.healyourlife.com/blogs/louise-hay-blog/youve-got-a-friend

"Friendships can be our most enduring and important relationships. We can live without lovers or spouses. We can live without our primary families, but most of us can’t live happily without friends. There’s a great need in most of us to share life experiences with others. Not only do we learn more about others when we engage in friendship, but we can also learn more about ourselves. Friends can be mirrors of our self-worth and esteem. They afford us the perfect opportunity to look at ourselves, and the area where we might need to grow.

Ask yourself these questions to help you look at the friends in your life:
What were your first childhood friendships like? How are your friendships today like those? For example, “I always allowed myself to be bossed around by my friends. I still look for friends who are bossy.” What did you learn about friendship from your parents? What kind of friends did your parents have? What kind of friends would you like to have in the future?

Remember: the best friend you have in the entire world is YOURSELF!

Let’s affirm: I trust myself, I trust life, and I trust my friends."



High Heart chakra, or Thymus gland.

Whenever you feel that overwhelming emotion of unconditional love, and feel like there is nobody to give it to, allow yourself to feel your heart next to the thymus gland, and allow that love to pour from your heart into the thymus gland or "high heart," as it is known, between the heart and throat chakras. Give it to yourself.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Very timely.


http://eternalgodliness.punt.nl/index.php?r=1&id=511768&error=&wachtwoord=&archief=&tbl_archief=#form

As received by Gillian MacBeth-Louthan

Welcome dear children, we are the Pleiadian Council of Light, we come forth and wrap our arms of light around you. yes, dear ones we know we have left you by the wayside, yes dear ones we know and hear your cries in the night and yes we stand back as we watch our dear children of the stars battle what is dark, chaotic, and without hope. We stand along side the battlefields of your life as great generals of light that seek to know they have taught their soldiers well. The generals themselves do not walk into the battlefields but stand by to lead and instruct.We are above in the crescents of light and you are down in the valley of shadows. we watch your hopes leap from the cliffs as we ourselves bear the brunt of what you are feeling – the pain and the despair. The divine intervention has not yet set flight. we ask you to hold tight Dear ones, to what you know is truth.

You innately hold a seed of hope and light that can never dim. It is this place that you must seek refuge from the daily flogs of self-pity. It is in this place that you will find peace. It is in this place, this tiny point of original source light that we can align with you taking you to a new level of love. As your humanness grows more confused and giant like in all of its frailties, and fears you will begin to cast a bigger shadow. Every doubt, every fear, every point of escape reality clause within you casts a very long shadow. You feed what is dark by your fears and allowing yourself to become a victim over and over again. You grow heavy as unleavened bread with each word of negativity from one to another. It is you, dear one, that cast this shadow and it is you, dear ones, that must retract that darkness and not let it blind your light. You stand at a threshold of molecular decomposition. You come to a decompression point like a balloon that spins you out of control. You stand in between here and there without defining there. You float about in-between matter, and anti-matter. You try heartily to hold on to who you knew yourself to once be but it is like hugging Marley’s ghost, you cannot touch it. You hold tightly and deeply to your memories of when life seemed simple and easy. Memories have a way of rewriting the emotion attached to them. Your humanness is despondent for it feels as it has lost control of the good ship of lollipops. You feel as if life tricks you into a corner painting yourself into a place that is triangular and fanlike of shape. Once you believed with all of your heart and soul that you could manifest and create whatever you desired. Once you believed so much deeper than the wellspring of your belief at this point of life. You have given up, The sound of that giving up beckons its self like A shot in the dark. You have allowed the dark mistress of life to slap you into a place of submission. You have allowed matter to own you. The very molecules of your light discuss your future, and conjoin in attitudes throughout your day. Every aspect of your being, both positive and negative, flows as a battery charge. Imagine that you are storing light like a solar device and you have a positive charge or you have a negative charge. Imagine every thought of your 186,000 second day you are positively charging or negatively charging the solar battery of your life. Earth is a funhouse, dear ones, you see and take life too seriously. You are in a place in between here and there, a place of pretend, a place that sculpts itself from your positive or negative charge to every thought and situation. The energy of time wraps around you in the tightness and the ‘not’ that you so wish to tie. You have timed yourself into a limited existence. The vibrations of life are an ever-changing illusion. They seem real to the touch and they seem real to the taste but they are not. Your humanness is looking for a way out of present situations, present dilemmas. Looking for a new solution since nothing you have learned in the past now avails itself to you. We ask you to step outside of yourself and at the same time step into the very deep abyss into your single cell of light and see yourself. See the beauty that you are, the master that you are, the being of light that you are deep in this place of you. You must gather you if you are to walk into the creational fullness of your life. Each and every day you step forward without being in the fullness of your own light. Each and every day you wake up worrying about what will the day bring and what is the debris from yesterday. You are a pro-creator and activist in your life. You are not standing by the sidelines cheering your life on. you are the person behind the curtain as well as the one with ruby slippers on. Yes, life beats at your door like a hungry wolf. Yes, life breaks through your protection. Yes, life is thick and dark and sticks to the bottom of your sole. you are light and you can be nothing but light – the layers of self you wear as winter clothing on the hottest day of the year does not benefit you. The misery of others that beckons you down the rabbit hole, dear Alice, is part of the releasement and part of the karmic process you have signed up for being on Earth. the people in your life that trip you up, that snare you, that trap you are those that you are karmically in-debted to, on multi-levels. Many come upon the doorway of your heart scratching as a hungry bear in the night.. You stand in the center of this cabin feeling as if any minute you’ll be devoured by the very thing that comes upon you. you have asked to lose yourself in the higher light, you have asked to be above the earthly problems, you have asked for a retreat from worry. It is at this point of complete despair that you must breathe and enter your original point of light, the pure cell of God that lives within you. It is only at this place that your star brethren, your light brethren, the masters and beings of light can enter to assist you. Earth is so dense and congested and riddled with so many veils we are not able to get through, The angels are not able is not able to get through, The Christ, himself, is not able to get through. The star beings twinkle for you every night but you do not see it and feel it because the day has left you in a dense hardened place. The state of Grace must be awakened within you, it must be fueled from within you. Please dear ones with your thoughts go to this place of light, this single entrance of God within you. See the fullness of your being there and as you do, you see our presence. You see all those that have always loved you from earth and beyond. You see every master you have ever believed in. You see every heart you have ever touched and you see how you are pure love. Just be there for a moment, feel all those that believe in you, feel all those that love you, feel all those that are part of you on every level of DNA. You have never been deserted, you have never been abandoned. We stand by you and believe in you even when you do not believe in yourself. Everything has lent to the now - every incarnation, every word, every love, every hate. You are at the Apex of your light. What happens to you is reflected in your world. Instead of drowning in the sorrows of others you must stand united with us with all levels of your light and with all aspects of those that support you in light. When you hear of anothers sadness, do not drown as you rescue them, but stand in a place that is able to manifest an energy that will assist them. You are so loved beyond time and beyond space. You have been well seeded for this time, this place and you will be the saving grace by your belief and so it is. We are the Pleiadian Council of Light.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Anchoring Higher Self.

Today I was able to access the higher version of myself that I was always so easily connecting with when I lived in Santa Ana when the "Gay Bar" used to be open. For the past few years, I have noticed an accelerating rate of the creation of my light body and then learning how to use it. Ultimately, to have this connection with my higher self at all times is the end product or goal of this process. I am so pleased to have graduated to the point where I can now access that on my own, after all my sweet friends showed me how to find it in the first place. Aren't they just the bomb?

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Surprise visit!

Cyndi and Michael paid me a surprise visit and lunch today, what a treat. And I did not even take any pictures. We saw doggies at the restaurant. I need a doggie! And then I found an outdoor mister kit for cheap at Home Depot - need to go back for some clamps, actually. And got some flowering vines too. What a pleasant day! And started Claritin-D to get rid of the snotty nose. Feel that New Moon energy of change!
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Thanks for coming, kids! Nice to see you! Love you miss you! SMOOCHES

Friday, June 11, 2010





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvCTFQtREa0

Approaching New Moon 6-12-10

Feel the energy shift as we approach the New Moon. The astrology just gets more and more intense as we approach summer and the planetary alignments culminating with the Grand Cross coming this year. Less than 500 days remain until the Mayan Calendar resets, and we begin the new 12,500 year cycle, the new 25,000 year cycle, and who knows how many fractals are resetting themselves in 2012. Lots.
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For me the anxiety has continued to build, but at the same time my awareness level just keeps expanding more and more, such that now I just don't want any part of anything anxious or energy draining or emotionally imbalanced at all any more. Ever. I want to stop wrestling with my own mind. I want a greater level of acceptance, of myself, of my experience, of my worthiness. I am fascinated by the changes in my self-esteem, adventurousness, and the level of fun and humor in my life. In particular, I had experienced the meteoric up and crashing down after moving to San Francisco, and then leaving there jobless, hopeless, and then rocketing back up with my job at the U.S. Department of Labor. Now, being in retirement, and having deteriorating physical health, I find my self-esteem battered in new ways, and I have reacted to this by lashing out. I profusely apologize for any action, word, and behavior that came from the place of lashing out at my dissatisfaction with myself.
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So instead, I want to experience something else, acceptance, gratitude, a sense of curiosity and adventure again, happiness, contentment, and joy in learning. I take in so many things and yet I do not appreciate it fully, and I want to do that to maximize the joy derived from the process. There are more and more of us who are moving in the direction of being in constant contact with our higher selves while living on this planet, and I fully intend to be one of them and to master this exercise. It is the opportunity to move through the ascension into a higher realm of existence, and please allow me to verbalize that I want to live there. I want to live in a world where everyone is provided ample food, clothing, shelter, medical care, education, love, and freedom as the absolute basic minimum level of existence. I want to live in a world where the greater knowledge base is shared freely so that anyone can learn about any subject that they wish, at any time. I want to live in a world where we can choose to change our participation level, our occupation, our location, without the fear of being unable to support ourselves or to obtain what we need to survive. There is plenty for everyone. The games of distribution and scarcity must end. The controllers of the planet are not going to survive the coming changes that will require that the exploitation of others will no longer be permitted.
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I want to be able to experience physical, mental, emotional, intellectual, spiritual intimacy with someone or multiple someones in order to experience the joy and connection to higher self that is facilitated therein. But, I want the connection to higher self regardless of whether or not intimacy of that nature presents itself to me.
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I'm going to work on completely relaxing now, and maybe astral projection. To all, a Good Night!
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I INTEND, THAT I ALLOW MYSELF TO BE THE FULLEST EXPRESSION OF LOVE THAT I AM, IN EACH MOMENT!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

CMG Pool Party today

I am feeling drained and sick. Somehow I got out of the habit of drinking fresh-squeezed OJ and eating berries every morning, so I am having respiratory problems and a snotty nose. But, I am about to get up and go buy avocados and all that is needed to make a fabulous chilled salad for the pool party being thrown at a home very near my own - just a couple of blocks actually. It is a gay mens' gathering, clothing optional, and poolside. I had an accident with the razor while shaving a sensitive area, so I don't think I will go completely naked, but I have a tiny little black Speedo that will suffice. I LOVE the heat, makes me feel so good, makes my muscles stop the constant spasm. I just have to remember to stay hydrated and to get my fresh vitamin C so that I don't get sinus infections like the one I am fighting off now.
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So, what I want is to go to this party and meet new people, but what always happens is that I go and I come back home without any new friends, and life goes back to the normal, boring pile of shit that it is. Men are not interested in me.
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Why is it that I am going again? Oh, yeah, to make new friends, but that won't happen. It never happens. I did not create this situation, I am just relating to you what always happens without me even thinking about it. So, let me state the intention that I intend to come away from this party with at least one new friend, and we'll see whether the Law of Attraction is just a bunch of fucking bullshit or whether it works when you state your intentions.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The Wall

I can sense in the background of my mind, the endless computation going on in my logic centers. They endlessly loop and regroup and evaluate and try to determine what variables exist that might be keys to changing my experience of the world. It has always been present, but I know that I have become more aware of it since I understood how many endless parallel realities exist, from moment to moment. And the two are very similar - standing in each moment with the awareness of how many different directions you can go, and thinking about situations with all the possible variations that you can think of - they are basically the same exercise, right?
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So basically the logic processor has run out of ideas, can't mix up the stories any more than it already has, and therefore has Hit the Proverbial Wall. The experiences that I wish to have depend on the participation of others, over whom I have no control. So what I elect to do or not do, is irrelevant. So this is a major thing I have to look at here - so as to have the ability to recognize and admit to myself that I am not on control of these desired experiences.
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In so doing, I would hope that I would be able to more easily move "downstream," as Abraham Hicks call it, and go with the natural flow, instead of fighting it the entire time, or trying to go "upstream."
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Now, this is going to take some strength, but let's examine the benefits. By coming to terms with and being able to accept many things that I constantly fight and wish to remove from my experience, my focus would move away from those things, and Abraham also says that this means that those things would then naturally move out of my existence. I would be getting the desired result without expending so much energy. And that would be a good thing. But it means that I am going to be looking at judgments that I have and other personality issues that are not comfortable to look at - none of us wants to confront our dark sides and admit their presence. But if can keep forgiveness at the center of the exercise, both of self and of others, the acceptance process with flow more easily. This I know from direct experience.
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So, rather than sit here and listen to the logic wheels spinning in my head, going nowhere, making me miserable, I suppose this is my next level of self-improvement showing me the path to follow. I want to stay on track. So, I have to figure out what is going to be the structure of this exercise. Do I list the things I would like to change or the experiences that I would like to have, and then work on assessing what are the control issues I have concerning them? On what it is that I have not accepted, and the ways that I am beating myself up for being unable to control/change the situations? That is sort of the direction, but I don't want to get focused on how I despise my current experience, or get stuck on thinking about what is "missing," or what I dislike. Of course, this is about releasing those things, so I have to figure out how to examine them without getting stuck and focusing on the wrong things. Let's see if I can practice one and demonstrate to myself what I mean so that I can refer to it later:
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Let's start with the basic premise that is being taught in metaphysics these days, that "you create your own reality." I can understand that we may enter into soul contracts, both as individuals and in groups, to play different roles in the polarity integration game. Got that part. But I have been having a hard time wrapping my head around situations that totally depend on the participation and behavior of another person, of course over which we have no control. So I am totally not being able to reconcile in my head that idea that I am supposed to be able to"create" someone who loves me, who I love in return, or how I am "creating" the strained relationship between say, my sister and the rest of the family. I do not wish the situations to be the way they are currently, but nothing I attempt to do fails to change the circumstances, so I just don't get it that this is my "creation."
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So, I have to be able to come to terms with and to accept that I feel as though I have no control over and am not creating these situations. And I have to be able to accept that it might very well be true that I am, but just don't understand the mechanics of it yet. This means, finally, being able to accept that there are things that I might just not be able to change or to accomplish or to experience in this life. Like being in love. Or seeing my sister find happiness and stop taking it out on everyone around her. So that means accepting that I am NOT in love and that I might never be. And that I might go to my grave wishing my sister had stopped hating all of us. And herself. And none of this is what I want. WTF?
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So, what, do I have to sit and meditate on all these situations and allow myself to actually FEEL the crummy emotions that are going to accompany looking at these awful situations, so that I can move through them and onto acceptance? THIS IS GOING TO SUCK.
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I sure do miss my Orange County crew. I'll have to look at accepting the fact that I miss them so much and that I fear that I will not find anymore friends with that strong a connection ever again. That really spooks me. So many years elapsed between the time I had friendships in high school and after that fell by the wayside, and between the time I found my Orange County crew, and it really upsets me to think that that many years or more might elapse before I find more like-minded peeps with whom to interact daily. I gotta accept so many different things, that I can't control other people, their choices, the ways that their choices affect me, how my choices affect others, allowing my experience of my present moment be tarnished by these emotions of lack and isolation etc., so I am going to be a busy person. Being a lightworker is hard work, letting the light into all these deep dark recesses of your mind and in this reality. I NEED STRENGTH AND SHOULDERS TO LEAN ON.
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"I INTEND, TO ALLOW MYSELF TO BE THE FULLEST EXPRESSION OF LOVE THAT I AM, IN EACH MOMENT!" - me
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Blessings to everyone, I hope you are having a wonderful summer, I hope that your dreams are coming true, and I hope that you can create miracles now as we watch society as we know it collapse before our very eyes. Which is not altogether a bad thing. LOL!
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"LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE."- me

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I miss Will & Grace.

I miss living in my life that was a Will & Grace episode.

Michael and Jesse and Marlene and Howie and Carol and Carrie (pre-marriage) and Avelina and Linda and Chuck and Anda and Neal (and now Helen) and Josh and...

But they say you can never go back.