8/27/08 Lesbian Pioneer Del Martin has Passed

From the National Center for Lesbian Rights:

Today, the LGBT community lost an iconic leader and a beloved friend. Del Martin (pictured on right), 87, passed away in San Francisco. Martin was one of the nation’s first and most visible lesbian rights activists who dedicated her life to combating homophobia, sexism, violence, and racism. Martin began working as an activist after receiving her degree in journalism from the University of California at Berkeley. While working on a newspaper in Seattle, Martin met her partner Phyllis Lyon and the two began working on behalf of lesbians in their community. Martin and Lyon have devoted their lives to working towards LGBT equality, healthcare access, advocacy on behalf of battered women, and issues facing elderly Americans. Their many contributions over the past five decades helped shape the modern LGBT movement. In 1955, Lyon and Martin were among the founders of the Daughters of Bilitis, the first lesbian rights organization. In 1956, they launched “The Ladder,” the first lesbian newsletter, which became a lifeline for hundreds of women isolated and silenced by the restrictions of the era. Del Martin was the first openly lesbian woman elected to the board of the National Organization of Women (NOW), and in 1971, encouraged the board to pass a resolution stating that lesbian issues were feminist issues. In 1995, Martin and Lyon were named delegates to the White House Conference on Aging by Senator Dianne Feinstein and Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi. In 2004, Lyon and Martin became the first same-sex couple to be married in the state of California, and subsequently became plaintiffs in the California marriage case, helping to ensure that the fundamental right to marry under the California Constitution belongs to all couples, including same-sex couples. Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon were married in California on June 16, 2008 after 55 years together. Gifts in lieu of flowers can be made to honor Del’s life and commitment and to defeat the California marriage ban through NCLR’s No On 8 PAC

Nature in California

Since photography is becoming a hobby, I intend to document some of the things that were new and different to me when I arrived in California.

Ever seen a Bird of Paradise flower? The orange ones?

Well.

They have a Giant version here... it is HUGE.

The flower pods are at least a foot long, oozing sticky nectar. And the plant is 20 feet high.

Here is the usual garden-variety version, about as big as your hand.

There are 11 planters at my office full of them.

In Texas, the only place you could get these was at a florist. And look! They are everywhere! The hummingbirds go completely NUTS - I tried to get a photo of one, but they are just too fast.

Goddess of the Week - Venus

OMG this is what just happened to me. I learned to EMBODY love. I learned to BECOME love.

I am so thankful for this timely reminder to stay on top of that and to retain this vibration.

"The Roman goddess born of heaven and sea, revered for her gifts of fertility, sensuality and above all, love.

MANTRA Self love

GEMSTONES Rose quartz, pink tourmaline, emerald (pink or green stones)

AFFIRMATIONS I am valuable

I walk in beauty

I release my habit of self-criticism

Self acceptance brings me joy

I release myself from harmful judgments

I'm the best thing that's ever happened to me

I am free to be myself, I accept myself as I am

My insecurity is replaced with shining confidencel

Her Story

This Roman goddess born of heaven and sea, was revered for her gifts of fertility and sensuality. She is the embodiment of the feminine divine, and as such is the goddess of beauty, sass, sunshine and love. Her Modern Energy Venus' erotic beauty emerged as a popular subject of Renaissance painting and sculpture. Her voluptuous, flowing curves portrayed the natural beauty inherent in the female form. Perhaps the most famous and honoured goddess of the heart, Venus rules over a person's sense of style and appreciation for acts of love, pleasure and romance. Reconnect With Your Inner Venus. Think about how you are sitting right now as you read this. Are you hunched? Are you frowning? Are you distracted? Is this the body language you want others to be exposed to? Is this the energy you want to exude? If not, allow yourself to embody Venus' vibration, be conscious of your desire to radiate magnetism, and ooze warm and feminine divinity. Honour the gifts of the senses - - play a song that makes you go weak at the knees - put a loved one's clothing to your nose and inhale their scent - flick through a photo album that brings tears of joy to your eyes - place a chocolate in your mouth and let it melt melt melt all over your tongue - massage some peppermint oil into your feet and pamper yourself with a foot (and hand) massage. This may be all the love spell you need... embody love, become love, attract love.

Love and delight Anita Revel Creatrix :: Goddess.com.au"

Howie got all James Dean on me.

Marlene made sushi for Howie's birthday.

Where I come from, that's fish bait.

And this person I knew once turned into James Dean seemingly overnight.

He's going to give me a good ride. {wink}

Happy Birthday Howie!

So I started a "shock" dose of prednisone for a week...

...for my back attack. It's totally hallucenogenic. I was up at 6:11 a.m. On Saturday. You KNOW this is some fucked up medicine if I was awake at 6:11 a.m. ANY day.

And of course, God met me at the beach again today.

I should know by now to not fear the oscillations, but this week was very rough, and was pushing the envelope just a little bit.

So, to make up for it, today this seal swims up to me and says, "May the Love of the Creator shine forth through your interactions with others, at any time that you choose the Creator's Love to express."

And just to confirm it all, the daily horoscope from Saturday:

Support and recognition are in your future; from both the public and from family and friends. You feel at home in the world and it takes care of you. You could have deep insights into your own feelings and inner, spiritual nature. You could be moody or even dreamy at this time. Your emotions and feelings could reach heights that are close to ecstatic. It is easy however, to find proper motivation to fulfill your ideals or make your dreams into reality. Your own business, a business partnership or perhaps an investment in a business are all possibilities just now. Your own growth and success may be linked to questions of security--home and family in particular. Establish a home base from which to move forward. You have the power.

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE

dave

That's how I roll.

Oh goodie I see the back surgeon Friday.

The Valley is Deep

I see myself smiling in this photo. I look happy. It is so strange. How can that photo be the same person that lives in quiet desperation, day after day? 16,558 days to be exact. Single, for 16,558 days and counting.

I want that on my tombstone.

"Tortured by singledom for {insert number here} days."

_________________________________________

Well the epidurals were a great thing. But they don't last long. The left lower quadrant of my back and butt and left leg are so symptomatic that it is overwhelming. Is it because I had the wonderful but brief reprieve from the pain that it now seems so much worse? Is this what I am used to functioning with? Hell no wonder I feel like shit. Time to call the doc.

Beach and more beach

We just cannot seem to have anything but amazing sunny days this year. (You won't get any argument out of me). We stumbled across this awesome rock garden at the beach...

I guess someone gets awfully bored at the beach, and likes to stack rocks on each other, seemingly defying gravity.

Bill flew into and then out of town just as fast as he came, and managed to snap this photo of the Crackberry™ whores in action...

Aren't they a scream?

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE

dave

What I do in my spare time....

Is it any wonder that I would rather be alone at this beautiful beach than at a bar or other event with a room full of crazy people? Maybe one day soon I will find a companion to go with me every weekend to watch for dolphins and pelicans.

Monogamy vs. polyamory

My Christian upbringing, (which is not strictly based on what my parents taught me, but is rather attributed to the entire society in which I was raised), contributed to my firm belief in monogamy. This was a viewpoint that I was unwilling to compromise on, ever. During my studies involving higher consciousness, global awakening, as well as What Is The Meaning of Life?, I kept being led to the idea that "marriage" and "monogamy" were strictly rules put in place by the Christian Church oh so long ago, as a societal control measure. I kept being led to the experiences of persons whose opinions I respected who espoused that they had successful polyamorous relationships.

We have to define "polyamory" first of all. A polyamorous relationship is not the equivalent or in any way comparable to an "open relationship," where each partner is free to go and have sex with whomever s/he chooses. Rather, a polyamorous relationship is one in which a married/partnered couple finds themselves in the situation where one or both of them feel such a connection or attraction to a third party that they agree that it is OK for one or both to enter into a sexual relationship with the third party. There is no expectation that the "married/partnered" relationship status will change in any way, but rather that they may offer to extend their love to another, in the physical sense. (This of course comes with a spiritual sense as well, but for those who are unaware of the spiritual connections/connotations of sexual relationships, we'll stick with physical for now).

The channeled messages especially have been challenging us to challenge our own belief systems, since they are what has caused us to get into the mess that we are in today, collectively. We need some new models on which to build our society.

Belive you me, I was a *staunch* critic of marital affairs, I guess because I saw what destruction that they seemed to leave in their wake. However, the extramarital sexual activities engaged in by one party was never known or admitted to the other party, or, when it was, they split up.

Polyamory, on the other hand, has a distinctly different construct than what we generally define as an "affair." Special care must be taken to ensure that everyone is on the same page, and that nobody's heart gets trampled in the process. But I am willing to concede that I think it is possible for a group of people to enter into such an arrangement successfully.

I think it is quite rare, and would have to be based on the fact that all parties involved were particularly advanced in the studies of esoterics and metaphysics, history, religion, and self-awareness.

Let's hear it for being able to change yet another wrong paradigm in my brain!

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE
dave

Anniversaries are worth examining...

9/9/08 marks the first anniversary since I did anything remotely sexual with anyone. (OK that's not really true, but the two-night affair earlier this year that broke my heart cannot possibly be referred to ever again by anyone). He's long gone. I'm surrounded by people I can't have and chased by those I don't want. What is meaning of this scenario wherein I am chasing myself through the funhouse, seeing what I want at every turn, but unable to grasp it?

In the current world view, I am getting what I think about, so it is time to redirect my thoughts. So, one more time I will place my order with the universe for a loving, smooth-skinned, slender and delicious man who is nuts about me next to me every day and in my bed every night, laughing, loving and giving. He'll be here anytime now so I celebrate his arrival!

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE
dave

Ascension is NOW

A few days ago, I told my friend Alexa that I had told the Universe to "let me be healed, let me find love, or just let me die. I am totally over it." And I meant every single word. I was ready to call the whole thing off and to leave the planet. Please do not misunderstand me. I have lived with depression and have studied every recess of my consciousness relentlessly for a long time, more than 30 years, and I am not "suicidal" in the classic sense where I am going to physically harm myself.

At all.

But this fact *does not* negate the intensity of the emotion. I have sort of had this feeling as a backdrop for many, many years, for various reasons that are just not important to discuss right now. And I have voiced this emotion before. But this time, I was truly ready. I had made my peace with God that I finally knew what love was, and I was prepared to leave the planet now that I had been able to access that for myself. It was a happy thought, really, to know that one had actually completed a life lesson, and could say on his deathbed that it was all worth it. Honestly, I did not think there was a future for me. And in the past 4 days since then, I have been shown things and have accessed dimensions and levels of love emanating from the Creator that have literally brought me to tears, over and over and over again. It is mind-boggling to be given such a gift as this, and I frankly have no idea how it is going to fit into my immediate future. But what I can tell you is that I think I have arrived at the destination where I am supposed to be to begin my "life's calling." I don't even know that I have identified what it is yet, but I don't think it matters. I think it will just evolve, as everything else has evolved, RIGHT ON SCHEDULE!

I know that I had prayed so hard and so long for a loving place to be such as POETS Irvine, with like-minded people who are energy sensitive and who understand what period of history we are present in now. I am so thankful for that group and for its members.

I am so grateful for my dear friends who allow me to be MYSELF, and to allow me to study so that I can find all the clues I left myself so that I could find the way HOME!!!!!

My God, it is a fascinating time to be alive.

LOVE TO ALL
dave

Breakthrough in Therapy today!

As I continue to try to make sense of this crazy life, to try to make my way through the maze that is my mind, once in a while I have a great breakthrough. Today's came during my therapy session.

It seems that the underlying issue which creates my misery about singledom, is that I feel that I am somehow devalued as a single person, and that I will not have value until I am partnered.

Let's pick this apart a bit, shall we?

The message that I got from society as a child (and the audiotape that is constantly playing inside my head), was that the entire point of being a good boy, and getting good grades in school, and getting an education, and having a career that could support me, was so that I could become "worthy" of having a partner

And this was naturally (but incorrectly) followed by the assumption that I would then easily find a partner, after having proven myself worthy.

I received various verbal and non-verbal messages as a child that my "looks" would not prove me worthy of a partner (insert any reason here - too thin, too short, too weak, too disabled, too big a sissy, blah blah blah), so I would have to come up with another angle so as to be considered "worthy" of having a partner.

I needed lots of cash, or a fancy car, or that University Class ring that I so coveted and wore like a medal. If I had been a sexy hunk-o-burning love, I would have needed none of these things, because to be good-looking was, in and of itself, enough to make one worthy of having a partner. It was generally pretty obvious who was considered "good-looking" and who wasn't, and I could tell by the way potential partners treated the "good-looking" ones, especially when contrasted with how us "not so fortunate ones" were treated (like throw-aways).

So, to have completed my journey into adulthood after having done everything that I was supposed to do in order to finally be considered "worthy" of having a partner, and then to continue to be rejected over and over and over and over again, has been a very confusing thing indeed, not to mention a source of constant misery. Especially when I am able to recognize myself on the other side of the coin in this game, as the rejectOR of others (who might not be what I consider "good-looking"). It's a complete mind-fuck.

The good news is that this chatter in my brain which informs me daily that I am "not worthy" of having a partner, and am somehow devalued because I do not have a partner, can be replaced by a new line of chatter which reinforces what a wonderful, generous, affectionate and loving spirit that I am. I do not expect a miracle overnight, but practice will make perfect, and eventually I will come to know inside the deepest recesses of my being that I AM worthy.

Meanwhile, I must continue to take control of my chronic pain so that it no longer interferes with my activities of daily living. I must continue to engage myself in the things that I am passionate about (the new social groups I have discovered in my area will do just fine). This will help me to build a fulfilling life that is satisfying and rewarding.

I must then be willing to accept that I may never find a partner, but I may find the man of my dreams during all of these social activities. Neither outcome is certain. And neither makes me any less valuable than the other.

I AM worthy.

I AM exceptional.

I AM wonderful.

And so it is.

Go gently, and love each other. In the end, that is all you have.

LOVE TO ALL

dave

P.S. An hour or so after completing this post, I read the following channeled message. The very end made me almost fall out of my chair - she says "You are not crazy. You are worthy."

Sometimes this ascension stuff is a little bit overwhelming.

LOVE EACH OTHER. IT'S ALL WE'VE GOT.

If You're Not The One by Daniel Bedingfield

One day, I will sing this beautiful song to someone who needs to hear it - someone that I want to be mine.

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?

If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?

If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call

If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand

If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?

Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?

If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?

If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?

If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand

If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?

Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand

If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?

Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?