8 months in the desert. Alone.

I have to be strong.

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Who knew that *I* would be the most sane and strong person here.

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It's pathetic.

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Welcome to Earth - it hurts. A free-will zone is inherently a rough place to be.

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The path of a Light Warrior is lonely indeed.

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This planet is so fucked up, and it is the way it is because of US.

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WE have to be the change we wish to see. It really is that simple.

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UPDATE:

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I feel as though I am the only sane and stable person I know. The irony is so ridiculous, because the more I can recognize insanity in others means the more I can see it in myself, peeking at me from behind shadows all around me. Which I will illustrate as we go:

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But one thing is for sure, I have to get help for Frankie. I will offer him the opportunity to submit to whatever public assistance I can find for him, and if he does not accept, he cannot stay here with me any longer. So, he can choose the streets or the help.

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But he is not emotionally equipped to deal with reality. The sickening part is that I have realized that most people aren't.

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He was so completely desperate to get a job and try to secure some sense of stability, that upon awakening late, being unable to wake me by talking to me, not having the sense to come and shake me awake after we apparently carried on a conversation but I still did not move or get up (I am a deep sleeper first thing in the morning and if I am not up and walking, I am not conscious yet), that he decided to hop in the car and drive himself the 2.5 miles to the interview, with a suspended drivers' license, got stopped by the police, and got my car impounded. A person who finds themselves in this situation, while really trying to do the right thing and to improve their circumstances in life, has something wrong with their decision-making process. He'll never make it if he does not get counseling and supervision.

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A person who drinks alcohol and then with the resulting impaired judgment, continues to have anonymous, unprotected sex with people even after having contracted HIV, has something wrong with their decision-making process. He'll never make it if he does not get counseling and supervision.

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A person whose insecurity makes them vulnerable enough to return to an abusive relationship, hoping that it will change and become the relationship of your dreams, over and over again, getting new physical scars from the abuse time after time, has something wrong with their decision-making process. He'll never make it if he does not get counseling and supervision.

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He's not a bad person. He was raised by gangsters and all his brothers are heroin addicts, his mother passed away, he has no education or any idea of how civilization works, but he wants to do the right thing. He just can't see past his own programming and faulty reality constructs to understand what "the right things to do" actually *IS* - it is no fault of his own.

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So yeah, it's going to be an interesting few days. I am going tomorrow to the impound hearing and plead leniency to the official, and explain this situation, and hopefully the car will be released to me. Then, I will have the discussion with Frankie and give him the opportunity to find social services, or to hit the streets again.

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Then, I am going to write a list of the reasons that I am the most sane and stable individual I know. I am going to write down examples of the situations I see in lives around me that I just refuse to put up with, and explain why all those situations come from a place of having something wrong with your decision-making process, and how thankful I am to have avoided being in such positions myself.

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I hope this gives me the courage to then write down a list of situations in my OWN life that are the result of having something wrong with MY decision-making process. Because there is no reason whatsoever that I should not have groupies of people. I am brilliant, I am compassionate, I have integrity, I am generous, I am insightful, I am PURE LOVE. And to remain alone and lonely and without an entourage is a situation that is a result of having something wrong with my decision-making process. And who knows what kind of trauma induced the emotional blocks that led to the problems with my decision-making process. I'll need strength.

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I INTEND TO BE PATIENT AND EASY ON MYSELF AND OTHERS DURING THIS EXTRAORDINARY TIME OF TRANSITION ON OUR PLANET. HEALING IS ON THE WAY.

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UPDATE:

All my thoughts lead me back to the idea of once I am free from Frankie's level of drama caused by the decisions he makes, how do you go out in society and deal only with people whose decision-making process is at least on the same level or above your own? How to interact with a community but refuse to interact with unnecessary inconvenience and suffering brought about by the faulty decision making of others? The only people I would think who have NO faulty decision making would be ascended masters, and I certainly am not one of those remarkable individuals. So, is this an illusion, that I am going to find these other people out there with advanced decision-making processors, or am I going to have to teach others how to raise the quality of their decisions? At some point, I have to be careful and not want to impose my will onto another sovereign being - I can show them all day long how many options they have for making other decisions, but ultimately, they have free will to choose bad decisions. And I have to forgive those. But does that mean I have to entertain them and be around them? Not as long as they are impacting me in a negative way, no, I don't think it is unreasonable for me to want to be isolated from that if I so choose. Of course, the opposite reaction I am creating in the universe from that is now the fact that I have to allow others to want the same isolation from ME if they do not want to be impacted by any decision that I am making. So it is a very tangled web of information, it is incredible to see how we are all connected. It is so easy to see that as long as we refuse to house and feed EVERYONE including the poor and the infirm and the elderly and the uneducated that we will never survive as a species.

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I INTEND TO BE PATIENT AND EASY ON MYSELF AND OTHERS DURING THIS EXTRAORDINARY TIME OF TRANSITION ON OUR PLANET. HEALING IS ON THE WAY.