I deserve sex!

Everything I have ever done, every activity I have pursued, every word that I have uttered, every job I have held, was an attempt to change the direction of my course so that someone would love me and have sex with me.

For whatever reason, I have never felt wanted, needed, or loved. Each and every day, as I made my way in the world, finding a way to provide for myself, I attempted to change the direction of my course to being me closer to the day when I would have someone with me, loving me, having sex with me.

Whether it was being the last person chosen as the teams were formed in elementary school for the daily barbaric practice of dodge ball, because I was not physically adept, or whether it was never having a date in high school because there were no other gay kids, or whether it was never finding a potential lover at a gay bar during all the years I hung out at gay bars because I was not "masculine" enough, whether it was ending the speed dating event with no matches to contact to schedule another date, each and every day ended with me being alone, with nobody to love me or have sex with me.

I have not been able to find "the thing" that will enable me to have someone with me, loving me, and having sex with me.

I desire and deserve someone to be with me, to love me, and to have sex with me. Every day.

The more time passes makes me feel all the more frantic to find the person who will be with me, loving me, and having sex with me.

Dale is a very nice man who readily admits that he does not feel the call to the spiritual nature of a sexual relationship that I feel, but he enjoys being with me very much. But he is not the guy who is so taken with me that he will do whatever it takes to be with me whenever possible, to love me and to have sex with me. We were in Texas at the same time and if I had been him, I would have done whatever I had to do to get to be with him, but he chose not to do so. During the short periods in between his work assignments, if I were him, I would be doing whatever I had to do to be with him every moment possible. He does not feel this same sense of urgency. He may not be the one I am looking for; only time will tell.

Meanwhile, I spend day after day, wondering what I must do, where I must look, who I must be, to finally have someone with me, loving me, and having sex with me.

Now, sex does not mean having a dick and a hole to put it in, do your business, and leave. I do not wish to have an endless series of different persons with whom to awkwardly make our way through a fast and unpleasurable event of this nature. Having a sexual relationship with someone is an all-day, every-day affair, building excitement and anticipation, and spending as much pleasurable together time as possible, to magnify the pleasure of the actual orgasmic experience, which would preferably occur daily, or on as many days as possible.

I deserve to have someone with me, loving me, and having sex with me.

Is it really so hard to understand, that after a lifetime of wondering why I do not have someone with me, loving me, and having sex with me, that I am not happy with this situation? That after trying EVERYTHING there is to try in order to locate this missing person, and failing, that I feel unloved and unwanted?

Is that really so hard to understand?

All I fucking want is to have sex, with someone who loves me, unconditionally, every day (or at least every day that is possible).

All I fucking want is to have sex.

Shut up and Fuck me.