So THAT'S what was going on.

One of my favorite channels, Magenta Pixie, has this to say about horrible May:

"May was a necessary month of clearing, facing residue of fears and anxieties and learning how to truly embrace the higher path. Decisions were made and those within the flow of light learned that whatever the decision they made, they could still understand the intricacies of the other realities and timelines where the self existed in a consciousness construct where the other decision had been made. The individuals who reached this understanding are now able to communicate with other aspects of themselves, understanding that you are multi-dimensional beings, existing in so many realities simultaneously.

Many of you learned the difference between embracing and facing fear and walking away from that which is not aligned with your being. Understanding that walking away from something does not always mean you are afraid to face it, for you can walk away and face a situation when you work multi dimensionally."

I can clearly see what she is talking about with my fear of cancer and my smoking habit - although I can stop smoking, it does not yet feel as though the situation has changed, and I feel that I am still doomed to disfigurement and death even though I am not smoking like a chimney anymore. The two realities are still very close together. Even as time elapses, I will still be connected to the Dave who chose to continue smoking like a chimney, and will be in communication with him always, because I exist in that dimension and many others always.

So - time to step back, reassess, plan, and act. Really, we are the designers of our lives, although it does not seem so at times. We have to be perfectly clear about what it is that we want, and we have to be connected to and be able to express our innermost joy along the way in order to not be anxious, tense, regretful, and feeling empty. I am looking forward to returning from Texas, finishing spring cleaning, and outlining my exact path for the next year or two. The reality that I no longer have to serve in that horrible job has not yet set in. I still feel the tension of getting up and going to a job every day that I despised. My recovery has now progressed to the point where I need to begin thinking about my next chapter, and then write it, so that I can experience the creations that I want.

LOVE TO ALL, JUDGMENT FOR NONE, FOR WE ARE ONE.