OMG.

EEEEWWWWW IIIIICCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK Jesus help me! I am so blown away by my profound depression response and total systems shutdown after the incident with my sister. All systems DOWN. I have not so much as left the bed except to take the boys and Marlene and Howie to the airport, to have a couple of Jamba Juices, to do the mail and correspondence and banking, and to eat a couple of times - since returning from Texas. And really, I was doing the same thing while I was there - sleeping. I feel so dirty now. I've been slimed.

I have been on a trip through childhood tonight, through the eyes of an adult, and I wonder how many days it will take me to capture on paper the shit that I am seeing flash before me. The walls of emotion placed there in my childhood due to interaction with others. The insidious role of the church in structuring society in such a way that it can control the children's minds, at least, knowing that many will not escape its clutches as an adult - and willing to risk the few that do - thinking that they pose no threat to its sovreignty. I can tell you that this is going to change. Our current civil rights battle in the GLBT community is strictly the result of, and the backlash against, church doctrine, much of which has no basis in reality.

I will try as hard as I can to keep the two subjects separate - the influence of the church on the general society, the influences of this nature as they pertains to my own life, and some other issues that pertain to my own life that are not necessarily related to religious bias, as far as I can tell. I feel an enormous weight and pressure to get the transcription of this info correct due to its importance, both personal and collectively. Wish me luck!