This move has made me gain some clarity.

So, now that I know that toxins are seeping into my system because of bad excretion, I get to deal with that more proactively. I also get to employ some new detox methods, some old, but all neglected. And I get to rethink the toxin problem altogether.

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So I want to stop smoking, but in order to do that, I will have to process my core fear or core emotion, which is the reason tha tI smoke in the first place. I think I have identifie the core wound as father abandonment issues, from the time of my parents' divorce, because they had agreed to try it one more time in a new city (Oklahoma) "for the kids." So, when we got to West Texas two years later, and pops had got himself a girlfriend and then split, it was like the ultimte slap in the face - not even us children were good enough reason to make him want to stick around. Harsh, isn't it? So, now I have to experience this and process it instead of hiding from it every day, over and over again every day. But that can only be a good thing, right?

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I might be joining Jesse on a new course of laying down addiction come January 2nd. So, between now and then I have to rat out and kill the abandonment monster. 32 years exactly from the time the monster was created (Christmas time). So, what better or more perfect timing to extract it than Christmas time as well. Synchronicities abound again!